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Thursday, December 8, 2016

Mrs. Limbaugh’s diary:

I feel so bad for my precious Rush-Muffin.

Middle of breakfast, the man from Clear Channel calls to say that a bunch more advertisers have pulled out of the radio show — that’s 42 so far!

“Who?” I ask.

“Ha, small-timers,” my husband says. “AOL, Bonobos, Quicken Loans. And get this one: The Girl Scouts of Oregon and Southwest Washington.”

“All because you called that college student a slut for using birth control?”

My Rush-Muffin, he just shrugs and fires up another cigar. He’s trying to act so tough, but I know he’s worried.

“Netflix, Geico, J.C. Penney — who needs ’em?”

“Why don’t you make another apology?”

“Because I’m Rush Hudson Limbaugh III, and the entire Republican Party sucks up to me. Apologizing is for weenies. Why should insurance plans be required to pay for contraception? It’s Obama-style socialism! Every family, rich or poor, has the constitutional right to a financially devastating unplanned pregnancy!”

That’s when I say — my mistake — that I sure wish he would’ve talked to me before he said all those things on the air, like the woman was “having sex so frequently that she can’t afford all the birth control pills that she needs.”

“Don’t start again,” Rush-Muffin pouts.