Tag: ptsd
civil war

Civil War? A Military Spouse Wonders — And Worries

Reprinted with permission from TomDispatch

When it rains, pieces of glass, pottery, and metal rise through the mud in the hills surrounding my Maryland home. The other day, I walked outside barefoot to fetch one of my kid's shoes and a pottery shard stabbed me in the heel. Nursing a minor infection, I wondered how long that fragment dated back.

A neighbor of mine found what he said looked like a cartridge case from an old percussion-cap rifle in his pumpkin patch. He told us that the battle of Monocacy had been fought on these grounds in July 1864, with 1,300 Union and 900 Confederate troops killed or wounded here. The stuff that surfaces in my fields when it storms may or may not be battle artifacts, but it does remind me that the past lingers and that modern America was formed in a civil war.

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Shooting Ghosts: How Veterans Recover From Afghanistan

Shooting Ghosts: How Veterans Recover From Afghanistan

Reprinted with permission from AlterNet.

Finbarr O’Reilly was a canny Canadian war photographer embedded in Helmand province in Afghanistan. T.J. Brennan was a boisterous, profane and skeptical Marine sergeant who played host to O’Reilly in 2010, as he and his men undertook the thankless mission of fending off invisible Taliban fighters in a moonscape of dusty villages.

One day, Brennan, while out on patrol, was knocked down by the shockwave of a rocket-propelled grenade. O’Reilly took a photo of the wounded warrior, and they fell in love.

No, O’Reilly and Brennan are not gay. T.J. is married and has a daughter; Finbarr is an eligible bachelor who had no trouble attracting globetrotting girlfriends. But their deep emotional bond formed in the wake of Brennan’s traumatic brain injury is a masculine love story that runs throughout their new book, Shooting Ghosts, a joint memoir of how men experience—and recover from—war.

Shooting Ghosts is unflinching, yet it is not stoic. It is sensitive, yet not sentimental. It is especially compelling in the face of President Trump’s announcement that he is sending an additional 4,000 servicemen and women to Afghanistan.

The president’s decision—a reversal of his call in 2012 for “speedy withdrawal”—ensures that America’s longest war will continue. Which is to say, it will continue killing and maiming American soldiers like T.J. Brennan, as well as Afghan civilians, for years to come. If you want to know what Trump’s decision means for the lives of thousands of Americans now serving in Afghanistan, Shooting Ghosts is a good place to start.

The Allure of War

O’Reilly and Brennan are certainly qualified to tell you that war is hell. But first they want you to know that war is also fun, fulfilling, exciting, boring, addicting, awful, comforting, and to the young male mind, very attractive. Like Chris Hedges in War Is a Force That Gives Us Meaning, they tell of the rush you get from risking your life, especially when you’re high on idealism.

Brennan was a patriotic wiseguy and George W. Bush fan in the Boston suburbs who wanted to test himself by putting kinetic force on bad guys. He went on to join the Marines and exulted when he reached the war front. He blew up houses in Fallujah and Helmand.

“For a demolitions man, there was nothing better than watching a house crumple after firing a rocket through an entryway,” he writes.

O’Reilly, the son of a doctor, had a passionate sympathy for people swept up in war. “Photography for me is about getting inside people’s lives, telling individual stories quietly,” O’Reilly says. He took award-winning pictures in Congo, Iraq and Gaza.

When Brennan is sent home to recuperate, he fights with his wife and ignores his daughter. He feels guilty about letting his men down yet yearns to return to the battlefield. He goes to therapy, but hides his suicidal thoughts and loss of memory. He is haunted by the memory of killing two Iraqi children.

“I’m trapped inside the distorted mindset of a warrior,” Brennan admits. “Our universe is unpredictable, random and unsafe.”

By then O’Reilly was in a tailspin on his own. The adventures that once seemed exhilarating became pointless, even sickening. His harrowing stories of escaping death, photographing plane crashes and losing friends in the battle zones are almost enough to give the reader his own case of PTSD. O’Reilly found himself in a major depression.

“By some cosmic twist, I’ve ended up living comfortably on one side of the lens because of the misery and want residing on the other,” O’Reilly reflects. “If all my efforts and sacrifices aren’t making any difference, what’s the point?”

 

In alternating chapters, the two men tell the story of their growing friendship as they recover from war.

Brennan has the rude humor of a self-described “dumb boot.” He rages. He sulks. He bitches about the V.A. (and who wouldn’t?). He starts smoking cannabis and reconciling himself to the awful pictures in his head.

O’Reilly displays the neurotic flourishes of a cosmopolitan striver. His corrosive silences send his girlfriend packing. He studies the science of recovery. He watches re-runs of “Glee.”

Female readers may detect a familiar deficit in the talking-about-feelings department, but the two men go where most fear to trerad. They come to realize the healing power of their intimate and painful bond.

“When I have been traumatized, my only hope for being deeply understood is to form a connection with a brother or sister who knows the same darkness,” O’Reilly says, quoting psychoanalyst Robert Stolorow.

Brennan, who had no higher ambition than to open a coffee shop, decides he wants to become a journalist. O’Reilly, who takes a year off to study war trauma, becomes a mentor with a purpose.

“If T.J. can develop his writing and tell his story, it can serve a real purpose beyond what it does just for him,” he writes. “Others struggling through similar emotional pain might draw strength from a Marine with the courage to speak out.”

Brennan’s searingly honest posts for the New York Times’ At War blog began to attract attention. He healed his marriage and started his own news blog, the War Horse, with the motto, “bulletproof reporting on war and trauma.”

Earlier this year, the War Horse broke the story of the Marines United Facebook page, where 3,000 servicemen shared nude photos of servicewomen. The story, picked up by the national press, prompted the Pentagon to ban non-consensual photo sharing and revenge porn. Brennan is a peaceful warrior now, although he might kick your ass if you mistreat one of his dogs.

O’Reilly refused to cover any more wars and turned his camera toward the visual splendor of the Dakar Fashion Show where his subjects are models and style, not atrocity and pain.

The two men don’t go deep into the details of the friendship—they’re guys, after all—but the pleasure they take in each other’s company is palpable and so is their commitment to helping others recover from the wounds of war.

“We still feel the tug of war’s allure,” O’Reilly writes, “but we recognize the surrounding myth for what it is—a ruse that allows those who are older, more powerful and more wealthy to send the young and idealistic to do their bidding.”

 

Shooting Ghosts is no easy story of uplift, but one of hard-won wisdom. Brennan and O’Reilly have tamed, if not broken, their addiction to war. Now if only the United States government could do the same.

Jefferson Morley is AlterNet’s Washington correspondent. He is the author of the forthcoming biography The Ghost: The Secret Life of CIA Spymaster James Jesus Angleton (St. Martin’s Press, October 2017) and the 2016 Kindle ebook CIA and JFK: The Secret Assassination Files.

 

 

 

 

PFC Jared Hunter Forced To Make A Shameful Choice

PFC Jared Hunter Forced To Make A Shameful Choice

Before he tried marijuana, he thought of trying suicide.

Heavy drinking hadn’t helped. Nor had various pills prescribed by Veterans Affairs doctors. He was still angry, still depressed, still could not sleep.

But he found that marijuana helped. It took the anger and depression away. It took the sleeplessness away. Most of all, it took the 11-year-old boy away.

PFC Jared Hunter never knew the boy’s name. He was just some Iraqi kid who liked to hang around the Army base outside Baghdad. “He didn’t really speak English or nothing. He would just kind of follow us around and would point things out or tell us if there was somebody there who shouldn’t have been.” The soldiers adopted him as a mascot. Hunter bought him a soccer ball.

The boy was with the soldiers when they came under fire while patrolling an alley. When the shooting was over, he was dead.

If combat does nothing else, it hardens you to indiscriminate death. “You just learn to deal with it,” says Hunter. “Something like that happens, at that time you just walk on past it and forget about it. Of course, later on,” he adds softly, “it may come up a little bit or something somewhere.”

It came up with a vengeance on Hunter. He’s a 30-year-old Arkansas native living near Daytona Beach who joined the Army in 2003 right out of high school and served two tours. He was discharged with a diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder, a neat, clinical term for night terrors, heart palpitations, rage, and the seductive lure of suicide. Hunter was almost seduced. He says he was sitting there with gun in hand when his father found him.

Finally, a friend suggested something he had never tried: marijuana. He says pot worked like magic. “It calmed the anxiety. I wasn’t having near as many anger problems. … The suicide stuff went away. I didn’t really feel that desperate to do anything like that again. I’ve got a bad back and a bad neck; it relieved any kind of pain that I had. It just helped so tremendously that it was unbelievable. Nightmares. … I could actually go to sleep. I didn’t have insomnia. I wasn’t scared to go to sleep. I could actually lay down and … get a halfway decent night’s rest.”

Marijuana had saved him. Then, last year, police came to his door. He still has no idea who tipped them off. They arrested him and confiscated marijuana plants he says he was growing for his own use. Hunter found himself facing five years in prison. Prosecutors offered a deal: Plead guilty and accept probation. He refused. He didn’t want to be branded a criminal and stripped of his civil rights.

But last week, he accepted a new offer. It requires him to pay court costs and costs of prosecution, amounting to less than $1,000. His record will show not a conviction, but a withhold of adjudication — essentially, a judicial get-out-of-jail-free card that leaves his civil rights intact.

One is glad Hunter’s legal travails have come to such a favorable end. But who’s to say the next person in his position will be as fortunate? More to the point, we should be appalled this sort of thing is even possible, that a veteran can be threatened with prison because he used the only effective treatment for a wound incurred in the service of his country.

That scenario is viscerally offensive — and well worth remembering as America continues the torturous process of reforming its drug laws and drug hypocrisies.

Hunter, meantime, is thinking seriously of moving to Colorado or some other marijuana-friendly state. The problem, he says, is that cold weather causes his physical wounds intense pain. In effect, then, he is required to decide between the well-being of his body and that of his mind.

That’s a shameful choice to impose on a man who damaged both body and mind fighting for his country. And for, you know, freedom.

(Leonard Pitts is a columnist for The Miami Herald, 1 Herald Plaza, Miami, FL, 33132. Readers may contact him via email at lpitts@miamiherald.com.)

Photo: Mark via Flickr

‘Marching Home’: Veterans of Civil War Faced Struggles Similar To Those Of Today’s Soldiers

‘Marching Home’: Veterans of Civil War Faced Struggles Similar To Those Of Today’s Soldiers

Marching Home: Union Veterans and their Unending Civil War by Brian Matthew Jordan; Liveright (384 pages, $28.95)

Reviewed by Frank Reeves, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (TNS)

Although the Civil War ended 150 years ago, interest in the conflict has never faded. Perhaps this is not surprising. Those who lived through the war and its aftermath dealt with issues that are still central to the nation’s life.

In a way, the “boys in blue and gray” also still live with us in the experiences of veterans returning home from the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. Caring for those who have borne the battle and for their families remains an urgent task.

In Marching Home: Union Veterans and Their Unending Civil War, historian Brian Matthew Jordan describes in poignant detail the problems many Union veterans faced as they tried to adjust to civilian life: bouts of depression, suicides, alcoholism, joblessness, estrangement from wives and families and, at times, contempt from their civilian neighbors.

By using veterans’ newspapers, disability pension files, personal letters and diaries, Jordan describes what he has aptly called “the pathos of American veteranhood.” Sadly, for some combat veterans of the nation’s recent wars, it will be a familiar story.

Even as their civilian neighbors were anxious to put the Civil War behind them and avert their eyes from the men with shattered legs and empty sleeves who populated every town, many veterans could not forget what was for them the defining event of their lives. Some would be haunted by the war — maimed in body and spirit — until they answered their “last roll call” decades later.

But Marching Home also tells another, parallel story. Americans in the late 19th century were unprepared to deal with the demobilization of the Union and Confederate armies in 1865. Nothing on this scale had ever happened before. As Jordan notes, the entire U.S. Army during the Mexican War was about 100,000 men, roughly the size of Union General George Meade’s Army of the Potomac at the Battle of Gettysburg. By contrast, about 2 million men served in the Union army and navy during the Civil War.

The prevailing ideology, as Jordan describes it, thwarted national efforts to relieve the suffering of many veterans. Men were expected to heed their nation’s call, serve bravely on the battlefield and fade back into civilian life once they were mustered out of the military.

Alcoholism, which blasted the lives of many veterans, was seen as a character defect, not an addiction — a disease that could be at least ameliorated, if not cured.

And it would be long after the Civil War before the notion that government had an obligation to help poor and needy individuals and families began to take root.

In a book as rich in anecdotes as Jordan’s, it is fair to ask how representative are these veterans’ stories, which he so movingly describes. After all, there is ample evidence that many veterans did have successful lives despite the trauma of war.

However this question is answered, his book provides us with yet another cautionary tale from the Civil War — that the pain of war endures long after the stacking of arms or the signing of an armistice. A fact that those who clamor for U.S. military intervention in every conflict too often forget.

(c)2015 Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC