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Tuesday, December 12, 2017
roger simon

Ask Dr. Politics: Which Potato Head Do You Want For President?

1) I live in the United States of America. 2) I cannot afford to move to Vancouver on Nov. 9. If you answered “yes” to either of those questions, you have every right to feel depressed because it is overwhelmingly likely that our next president will have an approval rating lower than dirt.

August 31, 2016
Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump conducts a round table discussion on security at Trump Tower in the Manhattan borough of New York, U.S., August 17, 2016. REUTERS/Carlo Allegri

The Mayor Of Trumpville Needs Serenity Now

“I’ve had a flawless campaign. You’ll be writing books about this campaign.” So said Donald Trump to ABC’s George Stephanopoulos a little over two weeks ago. The latter statement is undeniable. There may be more people wanting to write books on Trump than people wanting to read books on Trump.

August 17, 2016

The Devil And Donald Trump

Alone in his bedroom on a dark and stormy night, Donald Trump was inventing some tax returns, when the devil appeared before him. “Fear not,” the devil said. “You need not file tax returns — ever. Also, I will make sure you are elected president this year and again in 2020.”

August 3, 2016
A combination photo of Republican U.S. presidential candidate Donald Trump and Democratic U.S. presidential candidate Hillary Clinton

We Don’t Need to Like Them; Just Loving Them Will Be Enough

That both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton have the highest negative ratings among those who ran for president in both major parties this year seems to be telling us something. Maybe it’s: We don’t need to like them. We just need to get a kick out of them.

July 30, 2016

Pence Isn’t Really a Hick; He Just Plays One On TV

I love it when holders of high office who are arrogant, vain and disdainful suddenly decide that they need to stress one other quality to the voters: their humility. If Mike Pence were an act, nobody could play him better than Mike Pence.

July 22, 2016
People stand on the floor of the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, Ohio, U.S., July 17, 2016. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni

Our New National Motto: Shelter in Place!

This year, there is an added element to the conventions: Which party and which candidate can keep our citizens from being slaughtered and our police officers from being slain? Which can delay, if not halt, the march of horror across the globe and terror through our land?

July 20, 2016
U.S. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump's campaign manager Corey Lewandowski speaks with an unidentified aide after a demonstrator was detained at a rally at the Dayton International Airport in Dayton, Ohio March 12, 2016. REUTERS/William Philpott

Trump Dumps Campaign Manager, Keeps Daughter

Given the choice of picking a new campaign manager or picking a new eldest daughter, Trump went with Ivanka. And dumping Lewandowski, embarrassing as it was, gave the media something else to write about — like how embarrassing Trump’s running mate is going to be.

June 22, 2016
Republican U.S. presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks during a campaign rally in Lynden, Washington, U.S.

NBC News Vs. The Donald

A press release from MSNBC was headlined “NBC News Report: ‘Donald Trump Does Not Have a Campaign.'” Which was kind of a surprise. Trump has a campaign plane and campaign rallies and a campaign press corps, so why doesn’t he have a campaign?

June 8, 2016
Republican U.S. presidential candidate Donald Trump holds a rally with supporters in Albuquerque, New Mexico, U.S. May 24, 2016. REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst

Every Candidate Needs A Good Smack or Two

Politics is a rough game, and it is the rare candidate for public office who could not benefit from a little smacking around. Still, there are unwritten rules even for politics. And one rule says that you don’t stand behind a squealing microphone and suggest your opponent should be shot.

May 25, 2016
A supporter of Republican U.S. presidential candidate Donald Trump wearing a "Trump for President '16" t-shirt listens to the candidate speak at a campaign rally at the airport in Hagerstown, Maryland, U.S. On April 24, 2016. REUTERS/Jim Bourg/File Photo

How Many Trumps Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

“Doctor, doctor!” Trump shouts. “How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?” The psychiatrist sighs. “Only one,” the psychiatrist says, “but the bulb really has got to want to change.” “You’ve heard that one before?” Trump says. “Everybody has heard that one before,” the psychiatrist says. Then he reaches into his desk drawer and takes out a form. “Full name?” he asks. “John Y. Miller,” Trump says.

May 17, 2016
Supporters hold signs as Republican U.S. presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks during a campaign rally in Lynden, Washington, U.S., May 7, 2016. REUTERS/Jim Urquhart

Lewinsky And Trump: I Tremble For My Country

Did Trump decide this week that invoking Lewinsky’s name would be a good way of changing the press narrative? Of getting the media to swivel its guns from stories about how he was changing his positions, to a story he believed would embarrass Hillary Clinton?

May 10, 2016
Anti-Trump protestor

What I Believed Monday, I Will Still Believe Wednesday — No Matter What I Said Tuesday

There are three major political parties in the United States: the Republican Party, the Democratic Party and the Trumpeter Party. The Republicans blow their horns for the rich. The Democrats blow their horns for the poor. And the Trumpeters just blow.

May 4, 2016
Republican U.S. presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks at a campaign rally on Super Tuesday in Columbus, Ohio March 1, 2016. REUTERS/Aaron Josefczyk

Trump Playing A Part, But At Least He’s Practicing

Donald Trump is living his word. His word often changes. But you can’t blame him for that. At the time he is giving his word, he means it. And that is a politician’s definition of honesty.

April 27, 2016
Former U.S. House of Representatives Speaker Dennis Hastert is surrounded by officers as he leaves federal court after pleading not guilty to federal charges of trying to hide large cash transactions and lying to the FBI in Chicago, Illinois, United States, June 9, 2015. REUTERS/Jim Young

A Chair In The Shower Room, A Portrait On The Capitol Wall, What’s Next For Hastert? Prison Bars?

“Mr. Hastert’s fall from grace has been swift and devastating.”

April 13, 2016
Republican U.S. presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks to reporters as he leads the news media on a tour of the construction site of the Trump International Hotel at the Old Post Office Building in Washington, March 21, 2016. REUTERS/Jim Bourg

Trump Tries to Hijack America. Want to Stop Him?

Last week in Washington, more than 50 world leaders convened to discuss nuclear terrorism, and what do you think they talked about? According to President Obama, they talked about Donald Trump.

April 6, 2016
Republican U.S. presidential candidate businessman Donald Trump waits to come into the spin room with his wife Melania after the Republican U.S. presidential candidates debate sponsored by ABC News at Saint Anselm College in Manchester, New Hampshire February 6, 2016. REUTERS/Rick Wilking

Melania Trump Goes Bare. Should We Care?

Nobody even challenged anyone to a duel. By the end of the week, all the alleged misbehavior just seemed to lie there like a huge steaming pile of … spilled beans.

March 29, 2016
Republican U.S. presidential candidate Donald Trump arrives to address the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) afternoon general session in Washington March 21, 2016. REUTERS/Joshua Roberts

On Top Of The Tiger, Trump Smells Victory

Ask yourself a serious question: Could Donald Trump handle the presidency? I mean really handle it — not just wave his hands, run about, scream and shout.

March 23, 2016
U.S. Secret Service agents surround U.S. Republican presidential candidate Trump during a disturbance as he speaks at Dayton International Airport in Dayton, Ohio

Yuk It Up, America, While You Still Can

Trump was downcast that only one protester showed up and there was no big disruption of his speech. “In certain ways,” Trump said, “it makes it more exciting.”

March 17, 2016
Rev. Jesse Jackson joins demonstrators during a protest intending to disrupt Black Friday shopping in reaction to the fatal shooting of Laquan McDonald in Chicago

Can The Donald Lose a Little?

Donald Trump is a hero — at least in his own mind — in search of something heroic to do. Building hyuge, vulgar buildings and slapping one’s own name on it lacks a certain heroic dimension.

March 9, 2016
U.S. Republican presidential candidate Trump thanks the crowd after receiving Palin's endorsement at a rally at Iowa State University in Ames, Iowa

From Impossible To Inevitable: Trump Must Choose His Veep

I contacted 22 people, which is 22 more people than I usually contact for a column, to ask them their predictions for Trump’s running mate.

February 24, 2016
Republican U.S. presidential candidate Jeb Bush hugs his brother former President George W. Bush at a campaign rally in North Charleston, South Carolina

Jeb Doesn’t Need a Heart or a Head — He Needs Savagery

Labels are for soup cans? No, they’re for bare-knuckle politics, the kind that the Bush family has used to win presidencies.

February 17, 2016

Iowa: Hardly Anybody Votes, But Everybody Worries

TV reporters know that the one question they don’t want to ask a voter in a live interview is: “Did you vote in the last caucus?”

January 27, 2016

State Of The Union Vs. State Of The Trump

Barack Obama really does not have it so bad. He gets $400,000 a year in salary, $50,000 in expenses, a fleet of planes, a car and driver, and almost all the golf he can stand. In other words, the president’s life is almost as good as Donald Trump’s. With one major exception: President Obama feels actual remorse. And considerable responsibility. And Trump may never have felt either.

January 13, 2016

Bullets, Ballots And Baloney

This is America. You feel blue or you get angry or you get drunk or you take drugs or you get driven by the demons speaking to you from inside your skull, and you grab a gun. When it comes to gun violence, it’s not about the numbers anymore. It is about the numbness.

January 6, 2016

Holiday Hangover Cures

I have no sympathy for people who awake with crushing hangovers. A hangover is God’s way of telling you that you are still alive. But I know you expect aid and comfort from me, so I will once again share with you my collection of expert cures for this hangover season

December 23, 2015