1. Bob Quast
Iowa’s 2014 Senate race has had more than its fair share of craziness, but nobody can top this week’s “winner,” Bob Quast.
Quast, an Independent candidate, is centering his long-shot campaign on his strong defense of the Second Amendment. And his new ad makes that very, very clear.
The spot opens on Quast jogging with his dog and baby, cheerily turning to the camera and announcing his candidacy as happy music plays in the background. The ad then takes a dark turn, when Quast changes the subject to the man who murdered his sister in 1999.
“If you are the sexual predator and sociopath who murdered my sister Lynette and you come to my front door to do harm to my girls, I’m going to use my Glock,” Quast warns. “To blow your balls off.”
He then smiles at the camera, as a cheesy special effect makes his teeth literally sparkle.
The weirdness doesn’t end there. After urging voters not to confuse him with the other Iowa Senate candidate who’s threatened your genitals, Quast whips out a knife and challenges Democratic frontrunner Bruce Braley to a debate.
“Congressman Braley, you have nothing to fear, as we are friendly folks in Iowa,” Quast says as he waves his gun and knife at the camera. “I will leave my gun at home, Joni can leave her knife on the farm, as long as you agree to leave your elite law degree in D.C.”
Because we certainly wouldn’t want a lawyer writing America’s laws.
Ultimately, Quast doesn’t have much of a shot of being Iowa’s next U.S. senator. But he will at least leave us with one of the greatest campaign slogans of all-time: “#GotBalls? Vote for Bob Quast.”
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Copyright 2014 The National Memo