Good morning, and welcome to the Trump Internment Palace and Casino! You are in for a real treat. This is by far the most amazing ghetto that the world has ever seen. It has everything: lines for watery soup, university classes about real estate development — a steal, at only $35,000 each — the music of the wind softly passing through the hollowed-out remains of the old newspaper building. It’s tremendous.
On your left you’ll see the local mosque, except here we call it the Temple of America and Liberty and Some Other Really Incredible Things. We don’t really use the word “mosque” anymore. If you do, people will start asking questions. And as President Trump always says, the last thing you want is people asking questions.
Oh my gosh, I almost forgot! Here’s a copy of The Donald J. Trump Book of Wise Tweets and Just Some Thoughts That I Had. We all carry it with us wherever we go. Look — it fits right in your pocket. It’s the perfect-sized book for a person with normal-sized hands. If you think it’s too small, you have monster hands. I have monster hands.
When you are at the Temple of America and Liberty and Some Other Really Incredible Things, don’t forget to speak English. I know you’re not used to it in some of your prayers, but the last guy who spoke Arabic didn’t end up so well.
Congrats on staying on the Outside for so long, by the way. How did you manage it? Wait, don’t tell me — you told them you were Lebanese Christian. But then you said you weren’t hungry on National Pork Roast and Loyalty Discovery Day. Did I guess correctly? I did, didn’t I?!
We’re almost at the deluxe shed where you’ll be staying. It’s just like the normal sheds that you see over there, except that it doesn’t have a roof yet. Shingles are in short supply since the crash. Except for the infection. That’s pretty rampant.
But look at the walls! Aren’t they great? We have the best walls here surrounding the Internment Palace and Casino. Ignore the fact that they’re made out of plywood that is painted shiny silver. Just say, “Wow, this is the best wall I have ever seen,” and there shouldn’t be any trouble.
You can think of it as a temporary vacation — it’s only from now until our leaders figure out what the hell is going on. At least, that’s what’s it says on page four of The Donald J. Trump Book of Wise Tweets and Just Some Thoughts That I Had.
Photo: A man walks past the closed Trump Casino on the Boardwalk in Atlantic City November 17, 2015. REUTERS/Carlo Allegri