Republican strategist Ed Gillepsie, one of Romney’s senior advisers, claimed last Sunday (video above) that Mitt Romney had “retroactively retired” from Bain Capital.  But of course! Even though SEC filings show that Romney was still receiving a six-figure salary as the CEO, president, chairman, and sole stockholder of Bain through 2002, he had suddenly escaped the blame through a loophole in time. (Presumably Bain should be accepting applications for the CEO position between 1999 and 2002. Anyone interested may apply here.)

Other politicians might have wished they could take advantage, like Romney, of such magical retroactivity:

Richard Nixon “retroactively retired” in 1971

Overseeing the coverup of the Watergate break-in was a mistake that Richard Nixon would never have made if only he could have “retroactively” retired himself from the presidency a year before the 1972 election — right?  He wouldn’t have needed Gerald Ford’s pardon, either.

Dick Cheney “retroactively remembered” Gun Safety Class

Rule Number One: Do Not Shoot Person (especially when you’re supposed to be shooting ducks). 

Monica Lewinsky “retroactively dry cleaned”
her blue dress

Thereby erasing the only physical evidence of her affair with Bill Clinton. Take that, Newt Gingrich. 

Anthony Weiner “retroactively privatized” his lewd Twitter picture

If Weiner can erase that incriminating tweet just as Romney erased three years of his career, there’s no need for the former Congressman to settle for Public Advocate or Mayor. Weiner 2016!

Romney “retroactively vetoes” RomneyCare In Massachusetts

 Here’s another way Romney might use that “retroactive” scheme: He can distance himself still further from the Affordable Care Act, even though he blazed the way with the individual health insurance mandate in Massachusetts. He would never ever pass a mandate-penalty-tax!