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This Week In Crazy: And God Created The Electric Chair

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This Week In Crazy: And God Created The Electric Chair

man in electric chair

Capital punishment is God’s gift to America! Hillary Clinton is such a sure thing, people already want to impeach her! Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

5. Ted Cruz

Texas Senator Ted Cruz during the Ag Summit in Des Moines. 3/7/2015 (John Pemble, iprimages/Flickr) Texas Senator Ted Cruz during the Ag Summit in Des Moines. 3/7/2015 (John Pemble, iprimages/Flickr)

I’m perhaps expanding the purview of “This Week In Crazy” a bit here. Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) didn’t exactly announce that he saw Jesus in his freedom toast, nor did he run through an Iowa cornfield screaming that Sharia law was in the water.

But he is displaying a curious doublethink — contradicting himself, saying one thing, then saying the opposite. This might cause alarm among medical professionals if Cruz were just another joe. But since he’s a politician campaigning for the highest office in the land, it’s basically par for the course.

You see, Cruz has done another FEMA flip-flop of the kind we’ve grown used to seeing from Texas pols. On one hand, they hate and fear the feds. On the other hand, they declare more emergencies than any other state in the union, so sometimes they need a hand.

This is how Cruz can have absolutely no qualms about voting no on a federal aid package for the victims of Superstorm Sandy in 2013, and then a few months later rally for such assistance when disaster befalls his own state in the form of a factory explosion.

So it was again on Tuesday, when Cruz went on the air to address the state’s response to the flooding wreaking havoc in Central Texas. The senator said he was making sure the federal government would “fulfill its statutory obligations.”

You see, it’s okay to play the fiscal hawk and pretend that disaster relief is wasteful government spending. Until tragedy occurs on your home turf. Then it’s the government’s obligation to spend money on disaster relief — and as quickly as possible.

Next: Scott Walker

Sam Reisman

Sam Reisman is the former managing editor at The National Memo, where he still writes the weekly "This Week In Crazy" column. His writing has appeared in Flavorpill, The Huffington Post, Columbia Daily Spectator, and Bwog. He was the publisher of the 2010 edition of Inside New York, an annual guidebook to the city for students and young professionals.

Since 2011, he has co-curated and hosted Peculiar Streams, a showcase for NYC-based writers, musicians, comedians, and filmmakers. He is a staff writer at Mediaite, and blogs at SamReisman.com.

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  1. FireBaron May 29, 2015

    1. I am not as surprised by Cruz’ demands for aid as I am for the Secessionist governor of Texas demands. After all, isn’t this going to be the excuse the US Government needs to activate Jade Helmet 15 and complete the takeover of Texas by the Federal government?
    2. Walker has always been, is now, and will always be a clueless wonder.
    3. Pat Boone (when will he come out of the closet) needs to be reminded that Lord Baden-Powell, the founder of Scouting, was a practicing homosexual at a time when such actions were illegal in the UK.
    4. The “tin foil hat” crowd appears to be getting restless. It’s one of those “If we can’t keep her from losing, we need to keep her from running” things.
    5. Bryan Fisher. You know, when the organization you are the head of, and spokesperson for, has to repudiate you, you know you have gone over the edge.

    1. The_Magic_M May 29, 2015

      > It’s one of those “If we can’t keep her from losing, we need to keep her from running” things.

      It’s more the sheer desperation that nothing short of a miracle will stop a woman from becoming the next Prez. “First a black guy, now a woman? Next we’ll have a gay Asian ZOMG!”

      1. Allan Richardson June 1, 2015

        Margaret Cho 2024!

        1. The_Magic_M June 11, 2015

          I’d take Lucy Liu as well. 😉
          And as much as I think Hillary is going to win, the US could do with a younger President, like Obama was when he was first elected.

    2. Allan Richardson June 1, 2015

      The song “America the Beautiful” was written by an openly lesbian college professor, who lived with her lover, a fellow professor, until the other woman’s death, and wrote openly erotic love poems for her.

      The Pledge of Allegiance was written by a socialist employee of the Post Office from Tampa, Florida.

      The American Revolution was fomented by Common Sense, a pamphlet written by Thomas Paine, an avowed atheist, and organized by deists, agnostics, and secular followers of Jesus.

      The myth of a “Christian” nation, in the sense of a monolithic theocratic government, is debunked by the history of our nation, from its founders through the dissenters of various faiths to today’s more expanded and enlightened view of what constitutes freedom for ALL people.

  2. idamag May 29, 2015

    Ted cruz is as stupid as he is ugly and he is pretty ugly. I think we should get a petition to force Texas to secede. If we pull anything, U.S. Government out, it will save us money. Texans would remain U.S. citizens should they choose to relocate. Yes, he voted against aid to victims of Hurricane Sandy. Fourteen people were killed in an explosion in a private industry because of violations of safety rules and that should be the government’s responsibility? Scott Walker, you are the poster boy for hypocrite. Make sure all babies are brought into this world, but make sure you don’t allow expanded Medicaid so they will have health insurance. If you really cared about babies, you would have such a high jobless rate so they could be supported. Pat Boone, you are not only a religious nut – the kind that drives people away from religion – but you are homophobic (and I wonder why) and sickeningly judgemental. Go blabber on the street corners and carry a sign: “The end is near.” “Impeach Hiliary!” Omigosh, it didn’t take them long. They don’t even wait until the election is over. Bryan Fisher’s organization, American Family Association is listed as a hate group – okay? One out of every twenty-five executions should be cause to eliminate the death penalty. Otherwise, there are some baddies out there who should be killed to keep them from ever being accidentally let into society again. No matter what your feelings on the death penalty, it is not a New Testament Value, so therefore is not Biblical.

  3. Bosda May 29, 2015

    I guess God just wants us to use the Electric Chair, because it puts a special sparkle in a feller’s eyes.
    Same way a neon sign works.

    1. The_Magic_M May 29, 2015

      Naw, Republican God wants to allow his followers to hang nig…, uh, people from trees again like in the good old times before librul commie Jesus told everyone to just get along.

    2. Allan Richardson May 31, 2015

      If a miracle working preacher of peace and love were executed today and then resurrected, his/her future worshipers would be wearing necklaces with little hypodermic needles on them.

  4. Grannysmovin May 29, 2015

    Ted Cruz: “ Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. “~H.G. Wells
    Scott Walker: All men running for political office they should have to undergo a Proctology Exam, it is an effective tool to determine potential health issues, now that “is cool thing Walker” and let’s start with you.
    Pat Boone: “Homophobic Christians are hilarious. If you believe in talking snakes and virgin births, you don’t get to tell me what’s unnatural.” Blogger John Moriary Special Operations Speaks and Bobby Fisher: “The ignorant mind, with its infinite
    afflictions, passions, and evils, is rooted in the three poisons. Greed, anger,
    and delusion.” Bodhidharma

    1. fortunev May 29, 2015

      Yes, a proctology exam for each of the clown car idiots so they can see how far up their collective a$$holes their heads are.

  5. The_Magic_M May 29, 2015

    > Their position is that if they can impeach her, she can be precluded from holding any higher office.

    Can somebody please send them away to that parallel universe where the Constitution provides for excluding a Presidential candidate from office “because the majority in Congress says so”?

    1. Allan Richardson May 31, 2015

      Constitutionally, IF Congress had successfully impeached and removed her from office WHEN SHE WAS in office as Secretary of State, she would have been ineligible for any federal office, including the Presidency. However, it is not possible to impeach a FORMER office holder; just as impeachment can only “fire” an office holder, not punish, normal criminal prosecution cannot prosecute a person for OFFICIAL actions until AFTER he/she leaves office, and only if those official actions were illegal at the time. So it is a two step process, if a president or other office holder has committed a crime under cover of official actions. First, either impeach and eject from office, or wait until his/her term is over and he/she leaves office. Second, prosecute the now-private citizen for what he/she did while in office.

      For illegal actions taken in an office holder’s personal life, such as theft or murder, prosecution CAN take place during his/her term of office,and this results in the most common reason for impeachment, because federal JUDGES, who are appointed “during good behavior” (i.e. usually for life), if convicted of felonies, can be imprisoned, but without an impeachment, they still receive their federal salaries, despite not being able to perform their duties. This has resulted in several pro forma impeachments in which the verdict is a non-partisan foregone conclusion, in order to stop the flow of paychecks and vacate the office for a new judge.

      1. The_Magic_M June 1, 2015

        > Constitutionally, IF Congress had successfully impeached and removed her from office WHEN SHE WAS in office as Secretary of State, she would have been ineligible for any federal office, including the Presidency.

        No, that’s plain wrong. The Constitution says the President can be impeached (obviously implying “while he is President”). And even in that case, the result would only be removal from office, not ineligibility for another term.
        There are no other limitations on Presidential candidates but age, residence and NBC status. “Barred from office for previous impeachments” is something that would’ve required a Constitutional amendment, a simple law is not sufficient to overrule the Constitution.

        1. Allan Richardson June 1, 2015

          Article I, Section 3:
          Judgment in Cases of Impeachments shall not extend further than to removal from Office, and disqualification to hold and enjoy any Office of honor, Trust, or Profit under the United States, but the Party convicted shall nevertheless be liable and subject to Indictment, Trial, Judgment, and Punishment, according to Law.

          Note the phrase, “and disqualification to hold and enjoy any Office of honor, Trust, or Profit under the United States.”

          This could be interpreted to mean that EVERY removal from office by impeachment includes, by definition, such future disqualification, OR that the articles of each impeachment MAY include such a disqualification in case of conviction by the Senate. In the latter case, I imagine it would be pretty much universal boilerplate language used in all impeachment articles, because why would an office holder’s political opponents want to leave the door open for that same person to run for office and get back into the government?

          Since I have a full schedule of personal items to check off, I only had time to look up the Constitutional reference itself. If someone has the time to find out how to locate and search the articles of impeachment for Andrew Johnson, Richard Nixon (I’m sure that a copy of this never-introduced draft bill does exist somewhere in the archives), Bill Clinton, and some of the impeached-after-conviction judges in our history, we could know for sure.

          1. The_Magic_M June 11, 2015

            I think it’s not fully settled if the Presidency is an “office of honor, trust or profit under the United States”, see http://www.pointoforder.com/2014/09/02/is-the-presidency-an-office-under-the-united-states/

          2. Allan Richardson September 26, 2015

            In that case, we shall have to wait until some future President, Vice President, or other official is impeached AND successfully removed from office, attempts to run for President, and someone files suit to block that person from running on the basis of the disqualification clause. Then we would have to wait until SCOTUS takes the case, which could very well be AFTER that person is in the Oval Office. Of course, if public opinion is strong enough against that person that he/she loses the election, or if he/she wins the election and Congress succeeds in impeaching and removing that person from the Presidency, the decision of SCOTUS would be moot, and it would be dropped with no decision.

            So unless such a case comes up, and SCOTUS takes the case quickly and decides it before the conventions (preferably before the Iowa caucus), we will not have an official ruling on the exact meaning of the disqualification clause. SCOTUS never rules on a hypothetical case, or on a case whose outcome has been decided by other means before they can try it. And as far as I am aware, there are no impeached and removed former federal office holders interested in, or in a position to, run for President at the present time.

  6. gmccpa May 29, 2015

    What’s really scary is, out of the five crazies mentioned here, two of them are GOP frontrunners in the next Presidential election.

    And regarding Pat Boone and the Boy Scouts. I’m 58 y/o, so my days as a scout ended some 45 years ago. I’m fairly certain one of my leaders was gay. It didn’t bother me back then….and certainly would not bother me today. In fact, he was one of the better leaders. I’m sure the Boy Scouts will weather this ‘catastrophe’ just fine.

  7. plc97477 May 29, 2015

    I have noticed that the religious right is constantly saying that disasters are caused by their angry god but they have yet to explain why it is that s/he seems to be angriest at the red states.

    1. Mikey7a June 2, 2015

      I’m pretty sure that your comment is tongue in cheek plc. Surely you realize that the disaster laden Red States are mostly Coastal ones, right? My question is, how can anyone not in Texas, consider Ted Cruz a serious Presidential Candidate?

    2. The_Magic_M June 11, 2015

      They probably believe the blue states are basically Hell and their god won’t bother trying to get anyone to turn around there anyway.

  8. GDF May 30, 2015

    How soon can we execute Bryan Fischer?

    1. Allan Richardson May 31, 2015

      As soon as we descend to his level of hatred. Do you really want to go there?


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