The National  Memo Logo

Smart. Sharp. Funny. Fearless.

Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

Hi there.

Over the past few days, the Ayn Rand-reading interns you “employ” to watch over your social networking ventures may have gotten to know me. I’m @LOLGOP on Twitter and I have a favor to ask.

I know that over the course of this election you’re planning to spend a combined amount of about one and a half billion dollars to elect Mitt Romney. Much of that will be spent by your 501(c)(4) organizations – Americans for Prosperity and Crossroads GPS. These so-called “social welfare non-profits” do not have to report the names of any of their donors – so for all we know, Mitt Romney could have donated hundreds of millions himself to help you elect Mitt Romney. We may never learn the truth.

The idea that the next president will be beholden to interests who refuse to be identified is beyond frightening to a lot of Americans. But I understand the urge to be private. For three years I’ve been tweeting and Facebooking simply as LOLGOP because I didn’t want my political beliefs to prevent me from getting a job. I’m a middle-class guy who went to public school and has student loans and a mortgage. But the difference between you and me is that I’m not trying to buy the presidency of the United States.

What I have earned by constant effort and marginal wit is a bit of a following of about 99,000 or so. Of this number, thousands are surely fake spambots who want to sell me porn to put on my free iPad. Also thousands of people who follow me to hate, mock or abuse me. But there are definitely enough people following me that any time you buy a promoted trend on Twitter, I’m going to be able to muck with their kind retweets of my dumb jokes.

That’s what I did when the Romney campaign purchased #AreYouBetterOff:

 

 

And that’s what I did today when Americans for Prosperity purchased: #FailingAgenda:

 

 

 

So here’s where I ask for a favor. Will you please keep buying these promoted trends?

I know they aren’t cheap – estimated at between $100,000 and $120,000 – but that’s nothing compared with television airtime. And it gives me a great chance to really irritate the few people who are drawn in by your attempts to simulate a grassroots movement.

Today the Democrats bought their first hashtag — #Forward2012. I still believe it’s probably the one bad product Twitter offers. Promoted accounts and tweets make a lot more sense and don’t leave users feeling manipulated. But the trends are a perfect buy for folks like you who have far too much money to spend and are already experiencing diminishing returns on your TV and radio buys. And the Democrats are not willing to let any tactic go answered.

And this is all good for me. I’m getting lots of new followers — lots of new people who love to waste Koch/Romney/Rove money. (I just checked and now I have 100,000 followers. Thanks, fellas!)

So I just humbly ask you to please keep it up. If you choose to participate in this beneficial relationship (at least for me), I’d like to offer you another deal.

If you reveal your anonymous donors, I’ll reveal my secret identity. Because when it comes down to it, I’m proud of my politics and my president. And if I have to endure a little hardship to expose your secret plot to purchase the presidency, I’m willing to give everything I’ve got.

Anxiously awaiting your intern’s answer,

@LOLGOP

 

Advertising

Start your day with National Memo Newsletter

Know first.

The opinions that matter. Delivered to your inbox every morning

Al Franken guest hosts on Jimmy Kimmel Live

Image via YouTube

Since his much-lamented resignation from the United States Senate, Al Franken has started his own podcast, made some TV and radio appearances, and is currently on tour across the country -- but his profile rose sharply this week when he guest-hosted Jimmy Kimmel Live.

Instead of dwelling on the good news of President Biden signing the Inflation Reduction Act, Franken's monologue drilled into another existential threat facing our nation. No, not the “enormous gaps in wealth and income” nor the “threats to our democracy,” but rather a peril that has troubled him since his Senate days.

Keep reading... Show less

Rudy Giuliani arrives at Fulton County courthouse in Atlanta, Georgia on August 17, 2022

(Reuters) - Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump's onetime personal lawyer, arrived at an Atlanta courthouse on Wednesday to testify in a Georgia criminal probe examining attempts by the former U.S. president and his allies to overturn the 2020 election results.

Giuliani, who helped lead Trump's election challenges, was due to testify before a special grand jury in Fulton County after a judge ordered him to comply with a subpoena. His lawyers say he will refuse to answer questions that violate attorney-client privilege.

Keep reading... Show less
{{ post.roar_specific_data.api_data.analytics }}