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Stephen Colbert took on the bizarre campaign development of a political feud between Donald Trump and Pope Francis. “It’s like Jesus said: Blessed are the poor — unless they said something bad about me, then screw ’em.”

“Now I want to try to broker a peace between these two men,” Colbert added. “Mr. Trump, Mr. Pope — I believe that’s his formal name — is it possible that you guys are fighting because you have so much in common? After all, both think you’re infallible; and you both sit on golden thrones; and you both wear very silly things on your heads.”

Stephen also sat down with a very special guest: Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, who talked about his new venture into incisive coverage of the presidential campaign.

James Corden said of the Trump-Pope feud: “I know what you’re thinking: There go the Pope’s chances of being on the next season of Celebrity Apprentice.”

Seth Meyers examined the dispute between Apple and the FBI, which is invoking a law from 1789 to try to pressure Apple into developing software to break into the iPhone of the San Bernardino terrorists: “That’s right, the FBI is using a 1789 law to get into an iPhone — 1789, a time when people only used BlackBerries.”

"Performative patriotism" is a fancy way of describing what my father — a veteran of World War II who rarely spoke about his service — called "jelly-bellied flag flappers." Dad always laughed at those phonies, but we now suffer a president who is exactly that type, only worse. And Donald Trump's flag-flapping fakery is no joke.

A performative patriot is someone who, like Trump, oversells his supposed love of country, his reverence for the Stars and Stripes and, especially, his indignation at those whom he suspects of lacking his deep fervor. Such a figure will, like Trump, attempt to market these counterfeit emotions for his own benefit. And like Trump, that loud jingo is someone whose character will lead to a betrayal of American values.

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