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Thursday, August 17, 2017

Washington — Under the cherry blossoms that hang on the bough, a woman and a man are taking a long walk. Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are full of bottled up feelings for this conversation about their future together.

The city seldom looks this soft and lovely, painted in pink, by the sparkling blue Potomac River. Congress has left town. It is a good moment to pop the question. Thomas Jefferson’s statue looms large across the way. He, too, was a Democrat, the first Democratic president. And politics was never pristine in his day.

Picture the leading Democratic presidential contender, Clinton, clearing her throat and asking her friend and foe, democratic socialist Senator Sanders to be her running mate when the party convention is held in Philadelphia in July.

A tough ask. But it must be done for unity going into the Democratic convention. All good men — and women — must come to the aid of the party for the fall. Democrats are not good team players, but if they show party discipline in this strange political weather, that may make all the difference in a close call election.

Clinton: Bernie, it goes without saying that we’ll support each other, whoever wins, right?

Sanders: Ask me in July. Philadelphia’s a perfect place for a revolution. You never thought I had a chance.

Clinton: Bernie, you’re a better candidate than we gave you credit for. And, you know, you’ve made me a better candidate.

Sanders: I never let you forget your Wall Street money — you don’t just represent the 1 percent. You are the 1 percent! You’re not one of us, you’re one of them.

Clinton: We are both for the people, Bernie. And we can’t let Donald Trump cast a spell, poisoning the well for the people. It takes two to stop him, me and you. In that order. That’s why I’m asking you to be my running mate.

Sanders: What did you even do with $600,000 for three speeches?

Clinton: Have you seen pictures of Chelsea’s wedding?

Bernie: What does Bill say about us?

Clinton: Bill thinks we’re a match made in heaven! He’s got it all figured out, state by state. He’s the one who told me I need you to win Ohio.

Bernie: For what?

Clinton: Authenticity. Look at my hair, look at your hair. Mine looks different every day, you have the same cut, the same color. Wow, just wow. Your base really trusts you. They really like you. Heck, they love you! Mine are lukewarm.

Sanders: You’re likable enough, Hillary.

Clinton: I’m not that bad. When I let my hair down. I’ve got a great laugh. But you know, Bernie, it’s bigger than us.

Sanders: You think this is your time. 2016 has your name on it.

Clinton: My destiny. I was the head girl of my generation. Earned the best of everything. Wellesley, Yale Law, Bill. That’s how we frame this thing: Who brings out the best in us versus the worst in us?

Sanders: We? The Senate’s probably more fun than vice president. I’m hunting larger game than that.

Clinton: Why don’t you break up with the NRA and start sticking with me. There aren’t that many hunters in Vermont. The party needs us to come together to fight a common enemy.

Sanders: Tell me again why you voted for the Iraq War?

Clinton: Not now, Bernie, not now. Let’s look forward. Forward is the Wisconsin state motto. Our next battleground.

Sanders: What’s worse, it took you a dozen years to apologize — kind of. When we meet in the City of Brotherly Love —

Clinton: And the City of Sisterly Affection — copy your darling Susan Sarandon! This is textbook. Your supporters need to see you supporting me. By my side. A champion for Hillary. You moved me to the left, and you made me play my best, like five sets at Wimbledon. In a weird way, Bernie, we’re good together! You deserve this. History’s invitation cannot be refused.

Sanders: I’ll be your running mate if you’ll be mine. May the best — one of us — win.

Clinton: (throaty laugh) We’re all in this together, Senator Sanders. The Head Girl and the Revolutionary.

Sanders: So glad we cleared the air. But don’t count your delegates before they’re hatched.

Clinton: See thee in the Quaker City — Philadelphia!

Sanders: Where the sound of Brooklyn will fill the air. Farewell!

 

To find out more about Jamie Stiehm and read features by other Creators writers and cartoonists, visit Creators.com.

Photo: Flickr user cherryblossomwatch.

11 Responses to A Political Heart To Heart: Hillary And Bernie

  1. Nice satire, especially after Hillary’s meltdown yesterday, when an activist confronted her with some of the claims that Bernie has been making about her. The truth is that the de facto Democratic party nominee is feeling the burn, and she is not too happy about that.
    A political marriage would be the best strategy, if the goal is to win in November. Otherwise, we may end up as split as the GOP is today, minus the party discipline that Republicans exhibit time and again.

  2. He’s too old. Imagine how the campaign button would look with his disheveled old geezer self. Can’t happen. It’s going to be that young and handsome and hispanic Julian Castro as VP.

    Plus the Democratic Party leadership and real Democrats hate Sanders. He has consistently voted against Democratic Party legislation on gun control and immigration reform. He has held up President Obama’s appointments because they fail his Socialist Purity Test. He has actually sued the Democratic Party and in 2012 he actively attempted to recruit a challenger to the reelection of President Obama. He’s an interloper, running as a Democrat for the media attention and a silly hope that the Democratic Party would give him some bucks. He’s a fraud and a huckster. He has two sets of supporters: the young lazies and the old failures in life, both eager for his promised Princess Unicorn freebies, and the GOP operatives who flood the scene with their berniebot berns, following their instructions to batter Hillary in order to secure Bernie Sanders the nomination because the GOP knows they can landslide over the old freak in a landslide.

    The GOP has those photos of Bernie’s Burlington office with the huge portraits of Lenin, Marx, and Debs hanging alongside that huge USSR flag. They have the photos of one of his honeymoons taken in the Soviet Union back during the Cold War with the Soviets were threatening to annihilate the United States. They have his interview in praise of Castro and the marvelous things Communism was doing for Cuba. They have all his Socialist Party campaigns with his agenda to nationalize the banks, give utility companies to “the people”, and to confiscate the Rockefeller family fortune. They have his 90% tax proposals to allow the government to engage in income redistribution schemes. Bernie Sanders would go down in a monumental defeat. He’d make McGovern look like a real winner.

    • Great job!! Not sure you missed a single talking point of the Clinton campaign!! And for the morons who are incapable of any nuance or complexity in legislation or the world, you have pushed the prescribed propaganda!!

  3. So the question is: If Bernie who now trails by a few hundred voted delegates ends up winning the voted delegate count, do the Superdelegates switch to Bernie so he wins the nomination based on the will of the people?

      • Now the talk is that even if Bernie wins more voted delegates that Hillary keeps her Superdelegates since she got more raw votes. Total BS. None of Hillary’s supporters want to answer the question. Hmmmm.

        • We could end up with an election with both parties nominating someone who lost their primaries. The establishment is getting desperate and will pull out all the stops to hold onto their power.

  4. Read it closely and you’ll find that this is still mostly a pro-Hillary, ‘look at what a cranky old codger that Bernie is’, piece. Per the NM. Nevertheless, I get the point. Have them both publicly swear a blood oath that the winner will pick the other for VP, and that should solve a lot of problems.

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