Chick-Fil-A causes a dean to dropout, teen sexting leads to anal sex, and paying off a mistress proves your family values. No, you’re not in Kansas, Dorothy. It’s This Week in Crazy!
5. Ronald Beaty, Jr.
This county commissioner from Cape Cod, Massachusetts is known for putting out some idiotic tweets. However, he took the cake last month when he tweeted out the following:
Barnstable official criticized over Twitter poll asking if gay politicians are ‘too self-absorbed’ to be effective – The Boston Globe https://t.co/6oehMaNeUc
— Ron Beaty (@ronbeatyjr) February 21, 2019
Beaty posted this tweet, reacting to two LGBTQ members being granted leadership roles in his legislature. Clearly, this Barnstable County resident forgot that Provincetown (a gay Mecca) is in his county. Or perhaps the homophobe knows all too well. So, what did this closeted bigot do when the media scrutiny hit? He pulled his Trump card. “I pretty much only do what President Donald Trump does relative to his social media postings. If it is good enough for our president, whom I support 100 percent, then it is good enough for me as well.” Hear that? Golden showers for Beaty on his next trip to P-Town!
4. Cynthia Newman
Okay, what’s in the chicken at Chick-Fil-A? Chick-Fil-A has a long-standing history of donating millions to companies that push religious agendas…including conversion therapy for homosexuals. And they’re using chicken lovers to bankroll the operation. In fact, now some of their devotees are even willing to commit career suicide. Currently, ten universities have decided against allowing the bigots who own Chick-Fil-A to open up shop on their campus. One of these colleges is Rider University’s College of Business. Their decision not to do business with Chick-Fil-A had Dean Cynthia Newman crowing, “What the cluck!” Ms. Newman stepped down as dean over what she perceived as an attack on religion. The cock-a-doodle-dean stated, “I endeavor every day to do exactly what Chick-fil-A puts forward as its overarching corporate value: to glorify God.” Newman added a touch of unintentional comedy when she added that all her accomplishments are “God’s working in and through me.”
3. Turning Point USA
I’ve been to a white party, but this past week, Turning Point USA threw a white privilege party. Turning Point USA describes itself as a “youth organization that promotes the principles of fiscal responsibility, free markets, and limited government.” Naturally, they invited Donald Trump, Jr., some Proud Boys, conspiracy theorist Jack Burkman, and a bunch of other deplorables. The invite to this soiree included a dabbing astronaut and concluded with the Shakespearean-esque, “Dilly dilly.” Things got even more crunk with a drink list that captured the rapey vibe perfectly:
Cocktail list at TPUSA CPAC party
— Jared Holt (@jaredlholt) March 1, 2019
Come to think of it, This Week in Crazy regular, Laura Loomer, was there too. Yikes, hope she didn’t have a Kavanaugh along with those red pills she was talking about.
2. Mike Rounds
If you love your spouse, you will not let them know you cheated on them…by any means necessary. That is the marks of a true man and a true president. At least, in the eyes of Senator Mike Rounds (R-SD). Rounds is making the media rounds (see what I did there). The conservative senator is defending President Trump for arranging hush money payoffs with Stormy Daniels while he was on the job.
Rounds has a point. Trump paid off Stormy because he loves his family. It’s the same reason why he slept with her in the first place, right? The South Dakotan senator hit the nail on the head when he concluded, “it has as much to do with trying not to have public discussions about something that is, for him, a private matter that he didn’t want to have discussed with his family.”
1. Brad Klippert
If you thought hickeys leading to sex was a problem, well, sexting is a gateway portal to anal. So says Washington State Rep. Brad Klippert. Washington’s legislature passed House Bill 1742, decriminalizing sexts between minors. This set Klippert off on a rant that would make a gaggle of sailors blush:
Under HB 1742, a minor in possession of explicit content sent from another minor will be charged with a misdemeanor rather than a felony. This bill passed on the grounds that the underage sender knowingly distributed the photo to the consenting minor.According to Klippert, HB 1742 also subjects minors to “oral to genital, anal-genital, oral-anal, whether between persons of the same or opposite sex, or between humans and animals.” He concluded with a stirring rendition of the definition of sodomy. Was it from a text he picked up during his dinner date with Ronald Beaty, Jr. at Chick-Fil-A? Hopefully, they’ll have a lot more to talk about after appearing in This Week in Crazy!