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Monday, October 24, 2016

It’s been widely noted that Tampa is the strip-club capital of America, and this week vigilant media will be scrutinizing arrest reports in search of Republicans who strayed too far from the convention center (not to mention the party’s puritanical agenda).

Hillsborough County actually has a law that strippers must keep a six-foot distance from patrons, but wanton groping is bound to occur as delegates celebrate the wild and crazy nomination of Mitt Romney.

Hopes that Missouri Congressman Todd Akin would be caught with a naked dancer writhing on his lap have been put on hold. As of this writing, Akin says he won’t come to the convention, a monumental relief to Romney but a disappointment to those who are curious to hear Akin clarify his odd theories of female biology.

Party leaders would rather deal with a Hurricane Isaac than a loose cannon who, with one ill-timed monologue, illuminated the chilling gap between the Republicans’ radical social agenda and mainstream voters.

Akin is one of those self-righteous meddlers who oppose abortion even in cases of rape and incest, a view supported by only 17 percent of Americans (according the latest Washington Post poll) but championed by right-wing Christians.

In fact, it’s part of the GOP platform that will be presented to delegates.

What got Akin in trouble with his own party wasn’t his punitive stance against rape victims; it was saying on TV that women’s bodies have a natural way of “shutting down” to prevent pregnancy after a “legitimate rape.”

Issue number one is Akin’s boggling stupidity, which Republican leaders never worried about until he opened his mouth and embarrassed them. Issue number two is his destructive insensitivity.

Driving away female voters is the last thing the GOP needs before a tight election, and even the bad hairpieces on Fox News are twitching in dismay.

Akin, who is running for the U.S. Senate, has so far refused to drop out of the race, and continues to stoke the abortion debate. This is what happens when you pander to extremists while trying to sell your party as compassionate and level-headed — the extremists don’t always shut up when you want them to.

As the Republican delegates this week struggle to stay six feet from the strippers, Romney is trying to put about 600,000 light years between himself and Todd Akin. However, the presidential nominee has a big problem, and that problem is his running mate, Paul Ryan.

  • Revcarrie

    I must agree with this author. How could such conservative and rightous people choose Tampa for their convention and during hurricane season? Did they aim to have a low budget convention….complete with built in tempations? It just doesn’t make sense but then, I’m voting for Barack Obama anyway so have it your way Republicans. You generally try to have it your way and it leads to distruction, the party of “NO!” and wars where we didn’t need to be. Your nominee is a bully, impersonator, and spoiled brat. I find it sad that neither GWB or Mitt ever lived up to their father’s reputations. I REALLY , sincerely feel sorry for both of their fathers and their legacies. I didn’t vote for either of them but to be the parents of GWB and Mitt is not something I would wish on my worse enemy.

  • howa4x

    What is happening to the republicans is the same that happened to democrats in the late 60’s when anti war protesters fought it out with chicago police on national TV during the 68 convention. Nixon won that year because the left wouldn’t support Humphry over the war issue. The party split into 3 parts since the southern contingent left a few years earlier. The internal struggles of the party became legend, and threw it into disarry.
    The Tea party coup that is going on in the republican party right now is a mirror of that happened in the 60’s. Here you have a moderate as governor, Romney, who has to play the viscious conservative to appeal to the right wing of the base. Luckily Mitt is a changeable person with no real convictions so playing this role is not as difficult. But the auroa of that reasonableness is tarnished by always having to shore up the base publically. The selection of Ryan is a sign to them and the moderates as well.
    But all is not well because the moderates are either bolting the party like Snowe did, or chased out like Luther. A purity test is going on now during the nominating process, no more RINOs allowed, and like the left of the 60’s the ultra right now controls the nomination process in many states, so every future canidate will become more extreme, like Cruz in Texas. Republican moderates will not have a pathway upward and will either submit or be cast aside, and might sit out future elections or secretly vote the other way.
    The problem is that America is a centrist country that accepts a slight tilt to the left or right but not a full swing in either direction. So when the left who controlled the nomination process chose what America saw as a radical named Mc Govern in 72, the voters turned him out in a landslide. The Republicans should know this well. Newt’s contract with America swept in the rightward in a move that took over the House . When the rest of us saw what was going on with them and saw the slashing of the budget, and clousure of government, and the inability to compromise, they were swept away.

    America wants to see people who are reasonable and are willing to compromise for the greater good, not idologues and purists who are self rightous who are intransient in their veiws. The tea party dosen’t believe in history or science, but will face a backlash once people become really familiar with them, and their extreme veiws. The demographics are against them, and the republican party is shrinking. Extremists have a tougher time attacting reasonable people.

    History repeats itself to those who ignore it, or don’t even believe it at all.

  • onedonewong

    The SS has been instructed to make sure all the bath houses are closed in NC so the president doesn’t contract AIDS

    • Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me!???

      • onedonewong

        Your not trying to deny that barak is a bisexual are you. Even his roomate Sinclair said he swung both ways

  • Not only should Republicans and the Tea Party be watchful of Paul Ryan and many other dirty old men, they should especially be watchful of the biggest trick of them all: Louisiana’s David “Cat House” Vitter, the undisputed champ of perverts, the “Mister Binky” of the Senate. He has insatiably patroned many notable bordellos in America and is the favorite of a long line of Call Girls in Washington, D.C. and New Orleans, Louisiana. Six feet from a writhing stripper is nothing for Vitter whose eyes would pop out and his fingers would hook to shorten the distance! He has gone unscathed in his sexual escapades simply by saying “I’ve siyunned, but it’s between me, my God, and my wafe!” Nice going, Cat Daddy, you’re a Republican next to Romney’s heart!

  • pinned it down Carl Hiaasen!