The guy staring at the waitress reminded me of a story (I remember it was in one of the late Lewis Grizzard’s books). Three ministers and their wives were carpooling to an ecumenical church conference, got hit by a truck, and all six appeared in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said “all of you are getting into heaven, but you have some sins of the heart to atone first.”
To the Methodist minister he said, “I know you have been a good Methodist and abstained from alcohol, but you lusted after alcohol in your heart. In fact, isn’t one reason you fell in love with this girl, Brandi, and married her?” The minister admitted that yes, he had thought about alcohol a lot, and the couple were assigned three months in Purgatory before entering Heaven.
To the Presbyterian he said, “You have been a good Christian couple, but sir, you have been obsessed with mammon in your heart, which is why you and Penny here got married. After confession, they were assigned six months in Purgatory before entering Heaven.
After hearing the first two, the Baptist minister whispered to his wife, “it doesn’t look too good for US, Fanny.”