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Thursday, October 27, 2016

An absolutely true news item: New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez was suspended for one season for routinely using banned substances, including injectable growth hormones, skin creams and testosterone lozenges that Rodriguez called “gummies.”


As I’ve said all along, I’m totally innocent. I don’t use performance-enhancing drugs, period.

And I would never, ever put a strange-looking lozenge under my tongue before a big game. Anybody who knows me will tell you that I’m terrified of lozenges.

Here’s what happened: One day I fly down to Coral Gables to buy some hummus from my favorite hummus shop, and I see this place called “Biogenesis of America.”

The sign outside says “anti-aging clinic,” so I decide to check it out.

Not because my batting average was slipping, my knees hurt and I was afraid of getting too old to play the game. No way!

The only reason I go into the place was for skincare products, OK? Because when a player is getting paid $25 million a year and he’s missing lots of games (not to mention curveballs), the least he can do for his fans is to show up with a flawless complexion.

So I find my special almond-milk hydrating cream on the shelf and I’m standing in line to pay when some dude walks up and introduces himself as Dr. Tony Bosch. Turns out he’s a huge Yankees fan, and we hit it off.

He takes me into his private office and offers to set me up with a comprehensive daily moisturizing program — shots, creams and pills.

“Your skin will be glowing twenty-four-seven!” Dr. Bosch promises, which sounds great to me because when my pores feel good, my whole body feels good.

And when my body feels good, I can hit a slider with my eyes closed.

But still I’m cautious because I’d been burned before.

Back when I played for the Rangers I took a ton of steroids and later I lied about it to everyone, including Katie Couric, who wouldn’t even have a drink with me later.

Her loss, by the way.

Still I got in big trouble with the league, and to play ball again I had to promise to stay clean.

  • disqus_ivSI3ByGmh

    Definitely would make the Hugo nominations if this were fleshed out to, say, around 150 pages. Best Science Fiction I have read so far. Just like A-Rod’s excuses.

  • JDavidS

    This story is as plausible as anything this doucebag has said. If you believe A(ss)-Rod you probably believe in the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny as well.

  • Allan Richardson

    Most believable story since the guy who found golden plates in a cave along with magic glasses to translate them! Or maybe the guy who found out we are all magic aliens trapped in human bodies by evil magic aliens, and we can find out by paying big money to use his special electric gadgets. Or the folks who say that by making working people poorer and giving it to the rich with no strings about what to do with it, we will magically solve all our problems and the poor will have highly paid jobs again.

  • daniel bostdorf

    The story only a well known pathological narcissist who is a drug addict would tell…

    What trumps all of this article is the background story—-

    This is last weeks article that tells the fall in no uncertain terms and how unglued this man has become: “Alex Rodriguez
    is a sad, desperate man, and sad, desperate men do sad, desperate
    things like blame their sad, desperate circumstances on a beloved,
    deceased man.”

    Alex Rodriguez flails in his final, desperate swing

    By Jeff Passan
    January 14, 2014
    read more here:–desperate-swing-073207129.html

    His unbridled narcissism (traits below) is even worse than Donald Trump’s who despises him… Check out #2 as it relates to this article: “magical thinking…”

    1. Shamelessness: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.
    2. Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.
    3. Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may reinflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.
    4. Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person’s ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.
    5. Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an “awkward” or “difficult” person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.
    6. Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.
    7. Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist there is no boundary between self and other.

    and here for backup too:

    Alex Rodriguez Is Nothing Special Psychologically

    Rodriguez has become the symbol for what ails America

    Published on August 6, 2013 by Stanton Peele


    There is another article back in 2009 that predicted all of this…written by Matt Littman. Time for Yankees to Say Goodbye to A-Rod

    Check it out here…here:

    • CPAinNewYork

      As I said above, I hope that A-Rod wins in court and that MLB falls flat on its face.

  • daniel bostdorf

    Here is the latest news:

    Players wanted A-Rod out of union….

    “Several angry major league players wanted
    Alex Rodriguez kicked out of their union after he sued it last week, but
    staff lawyers told them expulsion was not allowed.”

    read it here:

  • CPAinNewYork

    I hope that A-Rod wins his case, because I detest the baseball hierarchy.

    All of the major professional sports organizations have been aware of steroid use for at least thirty years, but MLB not only didn’t do anything about it, they exploited it.

    I clearly remember the disgusting incident when MLB arranged for Roger Maris’s wife to be on hand when Mark McGwire (I think that’s how the name is spelled) broke her husband’s home run record. I thought that i would be sick.

    Now, the MLB hypocrites are pretending to be offended by A-Rod’s use of PEDS. They make me sick. I want to see them embarrassed and A-Rod’s victory in court would take them down a bit.