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Sunday, September 25, 2016
Carl Hiaasen

Carl Hiaasen is an award-winning journalist, commentator, and novelist. Hiaasen has worked for the Miami Herald since 1976, and his writing focuses on environmental and corruption issues in his home state of Florida.

His latest book is Sink—No Surrender (2014).

U.S. Senator John McCain arrives on a visit at a migrant center near the village of Adasevci, Serbia February 12, 2016. REUTERS/Marko Djurica/File Photo

Can Trump Fan Rubio Hold On To That Last Shred Of Dignity?

This is the stretch of the political season when presidential nominees swoop into key states to appear at rallies with candidates running for other offices. The big question facing top Republicans on the ballot is: Do I really want to be seen in public with Donald Trump?

September 6, 2016
Florida Gov. Rick Scott speaks at a press conference about the Zika virus in Doral, Florida, U.S. August 4, 2016.  REUTERS/Joe Skipper

Rick Scott’s List Of How To Fight Zika In 14 Easy Steps

1. Whenever a new Zika case is confirmed in Florida, I will immediately rush to that county and stage a “round-table” discussion. This will calm fears in the local community, and lead tourists to believe that it’s still safe to visit.

August 29, 2016
People take part in a candlelight memorial service the day after a mass shooting at the Pulse gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida, U.S. June 13, 2016. REUTERS/Carlo Allegri

It Happened In Orlando, But It Could Have Been Anywhere

When has there been such a burst of sickening headlines from one place? First, the killing of singer Christina Grimmie by an unhinged stalker with a handgun. Then the vicious slaughter at the Pulse nightclub by a homophobic wannabe jihadist with an AR-15. And, finally, the snatching of a toddler by an alligator roaming a Disney lake. All three stories are datelined Orlando, Fla., a stunningly freakish coincidence.

June 21, 2016
U.S. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks during a campaign rally at the Century Center in South Bend, Indiana, U.S., May 2, 2016. REUTERS/Kamil KrzaczynskiU.S. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks during a campaign rally at the Century Center in South Bend, Indiana, U.S., May 2, 2016. REUTERS/Kamil Krzaczynski

Dear IRS: Orangutan Hairs Are Legit!

“Dear Commissioner — As you know, our client is dying to share his tax returns with American voters before the upcoming presidential election. However, he has prudently chosen to wait until your agency has completed its unfair audit of his Form 1040 filings…”

May 17, 2016
Florida Gov. Rick Scott addresses an economic summit in Orlando, Florida, in this June 2, 2015 file photo. REUTERS/Steve Nesius

Gov. Rick Scott: Florida’s Ambassador For Cheap Labor And Mediocrity

Last week, Florida Gov. Rick Scott went to California to steal some jobs. Scott urged California businesses to pack up and move to Florida because the minimum wage in Florida is only $8.05 an hour. That was actually the thrust of his selling point: Why are you paying your workers $10 an hour? Floridians will work dirt cheap!

May 10, 2016
Allan Hoyle, of North Carolina, stands with bible in hand in support of Kim Davis at the Rowan County Judicial Center in Morehead, Kentucky, September 9, 2015. REUTERS/Chris Tilley

Outside North Carolina Bathrooms? Gender Monitors

Some supporters now say there was never any intent to actually police the genders of restroom users, that it would be too costly and impractical. Yet, without enforcement, the only point of such a law would be to gratuitously demean an alternative lifestyle. And who would ever do a thing like that?

May 3, 2016
Euro, Hong Kong dollar, U.S. dollar, Japanese yen, pound and Chinese 100 yuan banknotes are seen in this picture illustration, in Beijing, China, January 21, 2016. REUTERS/Jason Lee

Got Hot Money To Hide? We Can Help!

The hastily-rejected first draft of a new TV commercial for the Mossack Fonseca law firm, exposed in the ongoing “Panama Papers” scandal.

April 12, 2016
U.S. Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz speaks at a campaign event at Lakeside Plastics in Oshkosh, Wisconsin March 25, 2016. REUTERS/Mark Kauzlarich

Suddenly, Ted Cruz Seems Like A Gentleman

Pinch yourself, hard. The unthinkable, the unimaginable, the impossible is happening. People are actually feeling empathy for Ted Cruz. What does this say about our beloved America? Into what kind of weird cosmic rat-hole have we let ourselves be dragged?

March 29, 2016
A tour guide raises a Cuban national flag to regroup foreign visitors she is taking through Old Havana

Cuba: First Obama, then Mick Jagger

An American president is being welcomed, and his words are expected to be broadcast directly to the Cuban people. Such a thing was inconceivable not so long ago. No less historic is the Cuban regime allowing huge throngs to gather and rock out.

March 22, 2016
Susan Wantz of Boca Raton, Florida, sits as she argues with Patricia Lobracco, a supporter of U.S. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump before Trump's scheduled campaign rally at the Sunset Cove Amphitheater in Boca Raton, Florida, March 13, 2016. REUTERS/Joe Skipper

America, Don’t Count On Florida To Stop Donald Trump

Every four years since Bush-Gore, Floridians silently offer a collective prayer that goes something like this: “Please, God, don’t let us be the ones to decide who wins the presidency.”

March 15, 2016
Florida Gov. Rick Scott addresses an economic summit in Orlando

Florida Gov. Scott Clueless In Lake Crisis

As a devastating deluge of polluted water darkens two coasts of Florida and threatens their tourist economies, Gov. Rick Scott is once again a flaky phantom.

March 8, 2016
A woman smiles after getting an autograph by U.S. Republican presidential candidate and businessman Donald Trump on her hat after he spoke at a campaign rally South Point Resort and Casino in Las Vegas

At Trump’s Resort, Guest Workers Favored

“Getting help in Palm Beach during the high season is almost impossible,” the Big Orange Trumpster grumped to MSNBC last fall. Cue the violins.

March 1, 2016
U.S. Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush listens to a question during an interview with Reuters at Nonie's Restaurant in Peterborough, New Hampshire October 13, 2015.

When The Applause Dies For Jeb Bush

If Jeb bombs in New Hampshire, he’s done. Even if he doesn’t quit the race, it’s over.

February 8, 2016
A FanDuel logo is displayed on a board inside of the DFS Players Conference in New York

Fantasy Sports Bet On The Legislature In Florida

Fantasy sports companies have spent more than $220,000 to recruit top Florida legislators on behalf of FanDuel, DraftKings and other daily fantasy leagues.

February 1, 2016
U.S. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gestures as if he is sleeping while talking about his opponent Jeb Bush during a Trump for President campaign rally in Raleigh, North Carolina

Trump’s Conversation With God

“Please, Lord — can I call you Lord? — I really need that Christian vote.”

January 25, 2016
Welcome to Florida sign

Polluters Win Again In Florida Legislature

Enforcement of clean-water rules is basically being replaced by the honor system. Big Agriculture couldn’t be happier.

January 18, 2016
florida-atlantic-university-facebook-640

Firing Florida Atlantic Professor Long Overdue

Florida Atlantic University finally canned the despicable James F. Tracy. Despite what he might say, his travails have nothing to do with the First Amendment.

January 12, 2016
2015-12-03-marco-rubio-arrives-at-republican-jewish-coalition-green-folder-reuters-640

Rubio Sighting In The Capitol

These days a Rubio sighting in the Capitol is rare. But he showed up — to vote against preventing people on the FBI’s terror watch list from buying guns.

December 15, 2015
Medical student Electo Rossel listens to music at the Malecon seafront outside the U.S. embassy in Havana, Cuba

Cubans Have Spirit; What They Need Is Money

The main complaint is that change isn’t coming fast enough to Cuba, a place where nothing happens fast. “Only when Raul and Fidel are gone,” one man asserted. You understand why some Cubans who leave feel they’ve got no choice — and you understand why the others stay. Havana creaks and coughs, yet still casts a spell.

December 8, 2015
U.S. Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson speaks at a rally at the Henderson Pavilion in Henderson

Dr. Carson And The Media Vampires

Ben Carson’s ghostwriter asks Carson how his memory could have gotten so jumbled, but in retrospect he concedes he should have fact-checked it himself.

November 17, 2015
DCF

FBI Should Probe Florida’s Mental Hospitals

The term “torture chamber” is outdated, but torture still occurs in Florida’s state prisons and mental hospitals.

November 10, 2015
CoreyJones

So Many Facts That We’ll Never Know About Corey Jones’ Death

Something tragic happened in the dead of night, and only one person lived to tell his side of the story. That is the fact.

October 27, 2015
guns don't kill people

From God’s Lips To Matt Gaetz’ Ears

For God (perhaps) sayeth, “Go ye forth, and let all the people of the world know that their Heavenly Father is totally into guns. Seriously. I beseech all the lambs in my flock to lock and freakin’ load!”

October 19, 2015
U.S. Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush joins the audience in reciting the U.S. Pledge of Allegiance at a campaign town hall meeting in Bedford

They Love You When You’re Gone

Imagine if you were one of the wealthy donors who wrote a six- or even a seven-figure check to the Bush Super PAC early this year, thinking you were betting on a sure winner. Now you’re looking at the headlines and lunging for the bourbon.

October 13, 2015
prison cell

Pure Lunacy To Jail This Man For 20 Years

There are armed robbers, rapists, even killers who will do less prison time than Lee Wollard.

October 6, 2015