By Carl Hiaasen

Jill Kelley, Mystery Vixen In Petraeus Scandal

December 4, 2012 12:00 am Category: Memo Pad 16 Comments A+ / A-
Jill Kelley, Mystery Vixen In Petraeus Scandal

Jill Kelley, the mystery vixen in the David Petraeus scandal, is now flanked by a high-profile Washington attorney and a professional “crisis manager.”

This can only mean that she wants her own reality show, a book deal or both.

It was Kelley who received the anonymous email warnings from Petraeus’ biographer-slash-mistress, Paula Broadwell, and it was Kelley who then contacted a friend in the FBI, Agent Frederick Humphries II.

(Humphries, an anti-terrorism specialist, once emailed to Kelley a shirtless photo of himself. Write your own joke.)

Broadwell thought Kelley was making a move on Petraeus, and told her to back off. Once the feds identified Broadwell as the source of the emails, her affair with Petraeus was exposed, he resigned as director of the CIA — and another distinguished public career ended in a sleazy Florida skid.

News organizations have described Kelley as a “Tampa socialite,” a term heard about as often as “Boston alligator-wrestler.” Recent media reports have demoted Kelley to “a Tampa hostess,” a phrase which calls to mind one of those upbeat greeters at the Olive Garden.

In fact, Kelley’s hostessing talents drew a lofty crowd. She is a thrower of major parties for high-ranking military types at her big bayfront house (currently in foreclosure proceedings, what else?).

She and her surgeon husband got chummy with Petraeus while the four-star general ran the U.S. Central Command, also known as CENTCOM, which is headquartered at Tampa’s MacDill Air Force Base.

MacDill is the strategic operation center for American forces in Iraq and Afghanistan, and also for the war on terrorism. Kelley was a volunteer social director for the base, which apparently entitled her to visit without an escort. Perhaps she went there to review wine lists with the brass.

In addition to Petraeus, she was also close to Marine Gen. John G. Allen, NATO’s top officer in Afghanistan. Until recently he was on track to become the supreme allied commander in Europe.

Today the Pentagon inspector general’s office is reviewing 60 to 70 emails that passed between Kelley and Allen, some of which have been characterized by unnamed sources as “inappropriate” and “flirtatious.”

Allen — who, like Kelley, is married — adamantly says there was no illicit relationship. That Kelley had any relationship at all with a top wartime general and also the CIA chief is somewhat mind-bending, for discreet she was not.

In a chipper email to Tampa mayor Bob Buckhorn last year, Kelley said: “I’ll be in DC this weekend with Petraeus, but let’s set up a double date when I return!”

Oh, let’s!

Kelley has now hired attorney Abbe Lowell, who successfully defended John Edwards on campaign corruption charges. Presumably, Lowell did not have to audition for Kelley by stripping off his shirt.

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Comments

  • bpai99

    Kelley’s ship has finally come in. It may not have been the one she originally expected, but she will take the payoff any way she can get it.

  • BDD1951

    She’ll be appearing on all the talk shows.

    • Sand_Cat

      Hopefully she’ll embarrass the hell out of her friends in government and the military, but more likely they lost any sense of propriety or dignity years ago.

      • http://profile.yahoo.com/CVVR3SYDWGMOSYJBUXICDDK74A Doctor T

        The American Viewers level of intelligence is scraping the bottom of the pond scum. Look at Honey BooBoo tripe and the fat lady who whips young kids to be pagent “Queens”. Who is giving these dimwits the time of day? Redneck, foodstampers, that’s who.
        BTW/ stop with your crapola fools! Make a fast buck and lose it the next day idiots!

  • old_blu

    She’s hot.

    • rpg1408

      she’s not. Just old ,sleazy tabloid news.

  • http://twitter.com/ronbobel7 RONALD BOBEL

    hot? she ugly.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/CVVR3SYDWGMOSYJBUXICDDK74A Doctor T

      Ever hear of the word “tramp”? No wonder Broadwell was squeezed!

  • stcroixcarp

    She sounds a lot like disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

  • Ibsyboy

    Has to be a GOPer. A friend of Rick Scott’s no doubt.

  • podfour

    OK, all you Marx Bros. fans! We’ve just solved an 80 year-old mystery. To wit, what is a “college widow?” We now know that it’s a “Tampa Socialite,” even if degraded (the proper word here) to a “Tampa Hostess” (whatever the present status is of our current CW’s husband). So clearly, Huxley College refers to centcom at the big MacDillpickle campus. We also see that the characters Mullen and McCarty serve double roles in this retelling. They are obviously played by two overgrown emotional adolescents with lots of high-powered bling affixed to…well, some part of their anatomy. But just as clearly, they represent the “ever-present white phagocytes” referred to in the original. There are only two major (pun intended, I guess) problems here. The lesser of the two is that Al Kelley (or whatever her first name is) is a long, long way from the same ballpark as Thelma Todd in the looks department. And speaking of ballparks, the other problematic issue is much more serious and worrisome. The football game here is the deadly war in Afghanistan. Would that “everyone (really) says “I love you.”

  • Sand_Cat

    Do we need any more reason to raise tax rates and eliminate deductions for the wealthy with this person and her government and incompetent-military followers as the poster-child?

    Maybe the marginal rate for those with incomes over $250,000 should go to 99.9999% instead of 38, or whatever.

  • Jack Wormer

    How any 4-star general can get “chummy” with a “hostess” wose face radiates vacuity and whose thorax proves she’s so full of herself……is beyond me! It only proves that 20- or more years of rigid military discipline does rather affect judgement – and not for the better…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cynthia-Smith/100000992709823 Cynthia Smith

    A low rent Real Housewife wanna be.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/CVVR3SYDWGMOSYJBUXICDDK74A Doctor T

    Hubby pimped her out!

  • KarenJ

    Alaska might be “safer” for military brass, but you’d have to fend off the opportunistic pseudo celeb-pol Sarah Palin, who’s ever eager to schmooze with anyone who can be grifted. And Palin’s looking for another reality show to star in, also, too.

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