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Friday, October 21, 2016

Secret Valentine’s Day memo to Sen. Marco Rubio from the Strategy Office of the Republican National Committee:

Dear Marco,

One simple word sums up your unorthodox rebuttal to the President’s State of the Union Address: Genius.

Pausing in the midst of a speech that nobody would otherwise remember, lunging off-camera for a bottle of water and then slurping it like a demented hummingbird? …

Time magazine was right. You are the savior of the Republican Party.

Was the whole country laughing at you? Possibly. OK, yeah.

But was it the most unpresidential thing you could have done? No! You could have walked out with your fly unzipped (whoa, don’t get any ideas!).

Truth be told, all of us here at the RNC started freaking out when we saw you stop and take that sip.

What’s that goofball doing? we wondered. Does he think it’s a rehearsal? Doesn’t he know he’s on live TV in front of, like, 50 million voters?

But once we stopped throwing our coffee cups and kicking our garbage cans, we calmed down and thought about what you’d done.

And we finally got it, Marco — the sheer brilliance.

The water grab wasn’t really a spontaneous and awkward moment, was it? You’d planned the whole darn thing, right down to your deer-in-the-headlights stare at the camera.

Of course you did, because that’s what saviors do. They see the big picture.

  • nobsartist

    rubio acts like he is a coke head.

  • Marco Rubio’s shift to center-right reflects the desperation that consumes the Republican rank and file, who see their party rapidly becoming irrelevant. As opposed to Cruz, his fellow Cuban-American who remains determined to revive extinct dinosaurs, Rubio understands the dangers of radicalism and is not only moving to the center, he is also trying to look human and caring. Unfortunately for him – and the GOP – they are going to need a lot more than a bottle of Poland Springs water to erase their track record and make us forget what their agenda is all about.
    The biggest problem for the GOP is that if they move to the center they risk losing the evangelicals and bigots that still support the party of NO, and if they remain on the fringes their future depends on a demographic minority incapable of influencing national policy, let alone winning a presidential race.

  • jarheadgene

    RUBIO….that check for the product placement of Poland Springs is in the mail. Way to drum up some pocket money, to carry around, in that “Working Class” $700K neighborhood you live in.

    • At least then he won’t have to steal money from the RNC’s credit card account like he did before.

  • Eleanore Whitaker

    There is NO GOP shift. It’s a ruse to make it appear as such. As for Rubio, it’s a GOP pathetic attempt to garner the Latino vote by using a Latino face to push GOP agenda. Look at what the GOP really considers “leadership.” Once you understand that all GOP externalized leadership takes it marching orders from the GOP back room, you see why their leadership is failing, failing, failing.

    Whenever an attempt is made to create tyrannical leadership in the control of only a handful of GOP insiders, like Norquist, that isn’t valid leadership in a democracy. It’s merely a facade to make the GOP so-called leaders appear to be powerful. Dominating power never produces productive, advancing leadership.

  • jarheadgene

    Classic example of the “out of touch” P.O.S.G.O.P. trying to pander to the ethnic group that made the difference on the national level. Sorry, Rubio is an “Out of Touch” Miama Cuban, and Cruz….he’s just a NUT JOB. Now Julian Castro…..ooooops…too bad he is a Democrat.

  • Eleanore Whitaker

    The GOP today is like a man in a coma. The party lives and breathes. It can’t use it’s brain and it is incapable of being in touch with the rest of humanity or reality.

    • It would be better if they were like a man in a coma. You are right, they can’t use their brain, and are incapable of being in touch with the rest of us, BUT they can still filibuster progress and vote against things that the majority of Americans want.

      In fact they are more like a man with a psychotic disorder. They are not in control of their brains or thoughts, and they are incapable of relating to others in anyway but uncaring hostility.

  • CPAinNewYork

    Obama’s State of the Union address wasn’t anything to write home about, but the Republican response was truly pathetic, as was the jerk selected to deliver it.

  • TheSkalawag929

    Rethuglicans by their very nature are doomed to extinction. They have no creativity and they fight new ideas as if they are plagues.

  • wmaceo

    Desperate, not thirsty. The Republican party has dehydrated on their tired old talking points, which don’t work. Its a myth that cutting taxes spurs growth. How can a party who refuses to face reality REALLY convince anyone to follow them. Follow them where? To the Emerald City? These folks are delusional, and they claim to be the “smart” party!

  • Problem is this huge thirst for a “new direction” really isn’t. It is the same old stale hash the RNC has been serving for the past 30 years. Where are real Republicans with real ideas to help get us (US) out the the trash heap they have put us (US) in? Republicans take note: YOUR POLICIES DO NOT WORK. Never have, and never will, so how about joining the rest of us (US) in fixing your mess? Dump those John Birchers in your party and start voting with what the majority of us (US) want.

  • adriancrutch

    Ah! Yeah! The truckload of coolercups didn’t materialize out of thin air? A 100 grand worth? At least he didn’t have to beg for the money! That comes later!

  • Ayaya Worenwu

    Marco Rubio may soon smile: Marco Rubio could change party affiliation. Republican party is at the verge of collapse. People like Hannity, Karl Rove, Michelle Bachman and Limbaugh see things with mysterous eyes but not the same eyes like other humans. Best advise for Republican party will be to hire James Carville from Democratic Party as new strategist to revive Republican party for them.

  • bchrista

    Everybody is talking about how slyly Rubio wiped his brow but was a little clumsy when he reached for the water bottle nut what really drew my attention was when he was making his plea I was waiting for him to start crying and shedding tears, I mean how did you people miss that moment the only thing he didn’t do was drop to his knees, never mind his lying and misleading remarks but his pleading is the point that took the cake, but he disappointed me when he didn’t shed at least one tear.

  • bchrista

    You know for a group that is trying to corner the latino vote by using Rubio as their savior they surprise me when they allow Rubio to vote against the Immigration bill Obama is trying to get passed, don’t make sense.

  • middleclasstaxpayer

    If this is the best you’ve got….criticizing a man because he took a sip of water…look at your “hero” who can’t put two meaningful sentences together with his teleprompter!