A Secret Excerpt From Mrs. Limbaugh’s Diary

Carl Hiaasen takes a satirical look at the Rush Limbaugh controversy in his column, “The Rush-Muffin Feels The Heat:”

Mrs. Limbaugh’s diary:

I feel so bad for my precious Rush-Muffin.

Middle of breakfast, the man from Clear Channel calls to say that a bunch more advertisers have pulled out of the radio show — that’s 42 so far!

“Who?” I ask.

“Ha, small-timers,” my husband says. “AOL, Bonobos, Quicken Loans. And get this one: The Girl Scouts of Oregon and Southwest Washington.”

“All because you called that college student a slut for using birth control?”

My Rush-Muffin, he just shrugs and fires up another cigar. He’s trying to act so tough, but I know he’s worried.

“Netflix, Geico, J.C. Penney — who needs ’em?”

“Why don’t you make another apology?”

“Because I’m Rush Hudson Limbaugh III, and the entire Republican Party sucks up to me. Apologizing is for weenies. Why should insurance plans be required to pay for contraception? It’s Obama-style socialism! Every family, rich or poor, has the constitutional right to a financially devastating unplanned pregnancy!”