The stories you want. The opinions that matter.
No, thanks
Tag: radical islamic terror
Welcome to the Trump Internment Palace and Casino!

Welcome to the Trump Internment Palace and Casino!

Good morning, and welcome to the Trump Internment Palace and Casino! You are in for a real treat. This is by far the most amazing ghetto that the world has ever seen. It has everything: lines for watery soup, university classes about real estate development — a steal, at only $35,000 each — the music of the wind softly passing through the hollowed-out remains of the old newspaper building. It’s tremendous.

On your left you’ll see the local mosque, except here we call it the Temple of America and Liberty and Some Other Really Incredible Things. We don’t really use the word “mosque” anymore. If you do, people will start asking questions. And as President Trump always says, the last thing you want is people asking questions.

Oh my gosh, I almost forgot! Here’s a copy of The Donald J. Trump Book of Wise Tweets and Just Some Thoughts That I Had. We all carry it with us wherever we go. Look — it fits right in your pocket. It’s the perfect-sized book for a person with normal-sized hands. If you think it’s too small, you have monster hands. I have monster hands.

When you are at the Temple of America and Liberty and Some Other Really Incredible Things, don’t forget to speak English. I know you’re not used to it in some of your prayers, but the last guy who spoke Arabic didn’t end up so well.

Congrats on staying on the Outside for so long, by the way. How did you manage it? Wait, don’t tell me — you told them you were Lebanese Christian. But then you said you weren’t hungry on National Pork Roast and Loyalty Discovery Day. Did I guess correctly? I did, didn’t I?!

We’re almost at the deluxe shed where you’ll be staying. It’s just like the normal sheds that you see over there, except that it doesn’t have a roof yet. Shingles are in short supply since the crash. Except for the infection. That’s pretty rampant.

But look at the walls! Aren’t they great? We have the best walls here surrounding the Internment Palace and Casino. Ignore the fact that they’re made out of plywood that is painted shiny silver. Just say, “Wow, this is the best wall I have ever seen,” and there shouldn’t be any trouble.

You can think of it as a temporary vacation — it’s only from now until our leaders figure out what the hell is going on. At least, that’s what’s it says on page four of The Donald J. Trump Book of Wise Tweets and Just Some Thoughts That I Had.

 

Photo: A man walks past the closed Trump Casino on the Boardwalk in Atlantic City November 17, 2015. REUTERS/Carlo Allegri

A Statement On Donald Trump’s Statement

A Statement On Donald Trump’s Statement

Since Sunday, our nation has heard politicians respond to the worst terrorist attack on our soil since 9/11. President Obama did not use the words ‘radical Islamic terrorist.’ But there are other words that other figures did not use, as well.

For instance, one man refused to even say the words “I am using a terrible tragedy to incite ethnic and religious hatred for personal gain.” If Donald Trump, after this attack, still cannot say the words “I am using a terrible tragedy to incite ethnic and religious hatred for personal gain,” he should get out of the race for the presidency.

If we do not get tough and smart real fast, we are going to have a president who has never said the words “I am an overstuffed puffer fish deliberately targeting a religious group in order to increase my Twitter following.” Many said this was going to happen – and it is only going to get worse. Donald Trump still has not said the words, “My wigs, like my arguments, are made out of straw and intended to distract from the fact that I have no workable ideas apart from those that dramatically curtail the Bill of Rights and ostracize a minority in a country that prides itself on diversity.”

The candidate, Trump, is the son of an immigrant from Scotland and the grandson of immigrants from Germany, who has openly advertised his support for the Ku Klux Klan and even tried to run for President of the United States of America.

We admit more than 100,000 tweets from the @realDonaldTrump Twitter account each year. Since 9/11, Donald Trump has been implicated in racist, sexist, or hate-filled comments hundreds of times. Yet he has still refused to say the simple words “I am a sentient pile of deli meat strewing rotten bologna on the Statue of Liberty.”

According to Trump, Hillary Clinton wants to dramatically increase refugee admissions from the Middle East, bringing in many thousands of refugees during her first term – and he says we will have no way to screen them, pay for them, or prevent second generation Americans from radicalizing. Speaking of which, Donald Trump has never said the words “My spray-tanned jowls hide untapped reservoirs of methane, as well as the credit card information of the thousands of people I have scammed.”

What he did say, however, was “Appreciate the congrats” and “I called it.”

 

Photo: Republican U.S. presidential candidate Donald Trump speaks at a campaign event on the day several states held presidential primaries, including California, at the Trump National Golf Club Westchester in Briarcliff Manor, New York, U.S., June 7, 2016  REUTERS/Carlo Allegri