Smart. Sharp. Funny. Fearless.

Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

 

aaron-schock-abs

 

Ah, Republican politicians. Moral arbiters. Upholders of family values. Pure, straight-laced Church Ladies and Gentlemen who go all a-flutter at the mere suggestion of anything racy. Not for them the vagaries of sexuality or half-naked frolicking. No, that’s for filthy, disgusting liberals.

Except… these selfsame Republican politicians just can’t seem to keep their clothes on. Everywhere you look, there’s a babelicious GOP pol wantonly shakin’ what his or her mama gave ’em in front of the camera. Here are five of our personal faves.

Photo of Aaron Schock: Men’s Health/Rodale

Scott Brown

 

ScottBrownCosmo

We’re not quite sure — nor is he, for that matter — which state to attribute to short-lived senator and now senatorial candidate Scott Brown: Massachusetts or New Hampshire, pick one. But one thing we are sure of is… YOWZAH! The supposedly conservative Brown took it all off for Cosmopolitan magazine, showing off both his upper and lower chambers. Lie back and think of (New) England… just watch those staples.

Photo: Cosmopolitan

Paul Ryan

 

PaulRyanWorkout

Vice-presidential candidate, self-proclaimed fiscal wonk and perennial “Great White Hope” (is there any other kind?) of the Republican Party, Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan, sure does love him some working out. In fact, he posed for some mighty hilarious pics for Time magazine in 2012 that left us all in no doubt as to… what a total dork this guy really is. The Mansplaining Paul Ryan Tumblr was also good for a giggle. Or three.

Photo: Gregg Segal/Time

Frank Riggs

 

RiggsCampaign

An Arizona gubernatorial candidate and Army veteran, Frank Riggs sure knows how to give the people what they want… guns and more guns! Riggs displays his marginally muscular upper arms — among other body parts — in his meathead campaign commercial, in which he also promises to “end Obamanization of Arizona.” Whatever that means.

Screenshot: Riggs for Arizona Governor YouTube

Aaron Schock

 

Aaron-Shock-Mens-Health

Oh, Aaron Schock, esteemed congressman from the great state of Illinois. We’ve so enjoyed your fabulous outfits and beach-bod candids over the years. But those, dear boy, were spontaneous, casual shots. Posing for the cover of Men’s Health, hands on hips, seductively clad in not much of anything? Well, that was no accident. You wanted us to feast our eyes, you saucy little minx. And feast we all did. On both sides of the boy-girl aisle.

Photo: Men’s Health/Rodale

Sarah Palin

SarahPalinShorts

 

Hard to believe there’s only one female on this list, isn’t it? But which female will come as a surprise to no one. The winkin’, wolf-shootin’, pageant-walkin’ Alaskan temptress was shocked, shocked!!! that Newsweek would put a “sexist” picture of her that she willingly posed for on their cover in 2009. Of course nothing says “presidential” quite like posing coquettishly in short-shorts, Spanx and shimmery support hose, but it’s always been pretty clear what Mrs. Palin’s true endgame was… maximum attention, minimum effort, megabucks. And boy, did she ever succeed.

Photo: Newsweek

Danziger Draws

Jeff Danziger lives in New York City. He is represented by CWS Syndicate and the Washington Post Writers Group. He is the recipient of the Herblock Prize and the Thomas Nast (Landau) Prize. He served in the US Army in Vietnam and was awarded the Bronze Star and the Air Medal. He has published eleven books of cartoons and one novel. Visit him at DanzigerCartoon.