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Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

Occasionally, in the grim, months-long slog of the presidential election cycle, there is a brief beacon of light and hope for the next generation. In this case, a viral video.

Eighth grader Jack Aiello received a standing ovation for his spot-on impersonations of Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Bernie Sanders during his graduation speech at Thomas Middle School, near Chicago. And, in the process, he shed light on what each of the politicians would think about middle school life.

Trump is perfectly fine with Chinese language classes. Cruz is proud of embroidering his very own throw pillow. And Sanders, although he loves the cinnamon rolls in the cafeteria, wants them to be free: “What we need is a cinnamon roll revolution!”

Aiello’s father told ABC that the speech combined the rising high school student’s enthusiasm for impressions and politics. “He’s always been good with impressions, so while watching along with his mom and I, he picked up phrases and mannerisms of the candidates.”

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Dr. Mehmet Oz

Sean Parnell, the Trump-anointed candidate for Senate in Pennsylvania, dropped out of the race a week ago after a custody hearing that featured lurid details of his relationship with his ex-wife. Laurie Snell alleged that Parnell had struck her, choked her, left her by the side of the road and hit one of their sons hard enough to leave a welt on the boy's back. Parnell countered that she had invented all of it.

Custody battles are infamous for exaggerated accusations and heated denials, and it's difficult for outsiders to know whom to believe and how much. But Parnell's comments off the witness stand didn't burnish his credibility. Appearing on Fox Nation, for example, Parnell opined, "I feel like the whole 'happy wife, happy life' nonsense has done nothing but raise one generation of woman tyrants after the next." He wasn't finished. "Now there's an entire generation of men that don't want to put up with the BS of a high-maintenance, narcissistic woman." Well. Someone seems to be dealing with anger issues. The would-be — er, rather, won't-be — senator concluded with a short sermon on biology: "From an evolutionary standpoint, it used to be, you know, women were attracted to your strength because you could defend them from dinosaurs." Where does the GOP find these geniuses?

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