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In his column, “New Candidate For The Darwin Awards,” Carl Hiaasen shares the story of Richard L. Steinberg — a Florida representative who thought that it would be a good idea to stalk a federal prosecutor:

Special nominee for the Darwin Awards, handed out each year to exceptionally un-evolved members of the human species: Florida House Rep. Richard L. Steinberg, a Miami Beach Democrat, in whose primitive cranium the following idea was hatched:

“Hey, I know what would be really fun! I’ll get on the Internet and send suggestive text messages to a married woman who just had a baby and also happens to be a federal prosecutor. To be clever, I’ll use a fake screen name so she’ll never, ever figure out at that it’s me.”

Gosh, what could possibly go wrong?

Everything, of course, and it did.

Steinberg initiated his slick cyber-seduction efforts by writing, “Sexxxy mama.”

“How do I know you?” replied his victim, Assistant U.S. Attorney Marlene Fernandez-Karavetsos.

Ever coy, Steinberg refused to identify himself.

“Leave me alone,” shot back Fernandez-Karavestos.

“Is that any way to treat a friend? LOL,” the mystery admirer wrote.

Steinberg thought he was safe hiding behind the Yahoo! screen name “itsjustme24680,” which might as well have been “itsjustme_thathornymoronwiththeroomtemperatureIQ.”

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Vladimir Putin

Intelligence officials in Great Britain are telling reporters that “the Kremlin’s real goal is to mobilize 1 million,” in the planned conscription announced by Russian President Vladimir Putin on Wednesday, according to The Guardian newspaper in London. British defense officials “reiterated in a briefing on Friday that it was their belief it will be very hard for Russia to reach 300,000, never mind any larger figure.”

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Danziger Draws

Jeff Danziger lives in New York City. He is represented by CWS Syndicate and the Washington Post Writers Group. He is the recipient of the Herblock Prize and the Thomas Nast (Landau) Prize. He served in the US Army in Vietnam and was awarded the Bronze Star and the Air Medal. He has published eleven books of cartoons, a novel and a memoir. Visit him at DanzigerCartoons.

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