Notes from the Trump-Pence Logo Design Meeting
After Donald Trump announced Mike Pence as his vice presidential candidate on Twitter Friday morning, the Make America Great Again Committee sent out a fundraising email featuring the new Trump-Pence logo: an interlocked T and P, wrapped together in a bizarre, almost sexual position.
It was definitely a head-scratcher. But we at The National Memo managed to get our hands on the minutes from the official logo design meeting — and from the brief follow-up, two days later. We’ve reprinted them in full below.
Date and Time: 12pm on Thursday, July 14th
- Future President Donald Trump
- Governor Mike Pence
- Designer #1 (don’t need to know names of artsy-fartsy losers)
- Designer #2 (see above)
[12:00] Trump motions to begin meeting. No second is required.
[12:01] All present congratulate themselves on scheduling meeting during lunchtime, when Chris Christie is least likely to barge in and attempt to win Donald back.
[12:03] Brainstorming for new logo begins.
[12:06] Designer #1 informs a disappointed Trump that the swastika isn’t available, as another group is already using it.
[12:10] Designer #2 suggests combining first letters of each candidate’s surname.
[12:11] Trump approves of two-letter idea, since Hillary Clinton’s logo only has one letter, and Trump is twice as smart.
[12:30] After considerable deliberation, attendees deduce that the candidates’ surnames begin with a T and a P.
[12:31] Both candidates approve of the “TP” format, as it can serve as both a campaign logo and a toilet paper advertisement, for after the election.
[12:32] Trump: “The TP sends a message that we’re here to wipe the fecal stains from America’s ass, okay?”
[12:34] Pence recommends that T and P be combined in a Godly design that won’t ignite America’s sexual energies.
[12:35] Trump offers counterpoint that perhaps the two letters should be displayed as having intercourse instead.
[12:37] The designers sketch the base of the T resting in the hole of the P.
[12:38] Trump orders that T should be shoved way deeper into the P.
[12:40] The designers comply. Pence begins to sweat.
[12:41] Trump wants it in even further.
[12:42] Designers draw up another version. Pence begins to faint.
[12:44] The Future President declares logo to be a masterpiece, but Pence raises concerns about potential suggestive nature of image.
[12:47] Trump assures Pence that their new logo is not pornographic in any way, but even if it were, the hole in the P would “no way be part of another dude.”
[12:48] Pence emits a sigh of relief.
[12:49] All present break for a brief ten minute recess, during which certainly no one will be looking at pornography.
[12:59] Attendees reconvene, feeling refreshed.
[1:00] Designer #1 speculates that the logo requires a background. Designer #2 suggests something patriotic.
[1:02] Trump advises that they use logo to cover up half of American flag, seeing as he never really liked it much anyway.
[1:07] Designers finish a mock-up of the final logo. Trump approves, but also complains that he had to do all the work. He fires the two designers. He has yet to pay them.
[1:09] Trump emails the new logo to all supporters nationwide, confident it will inspire awe and devotion.
[1:10] Future President Trump adjourns the meeting. All exit.
[1:15] Teary-eyed Chris Christie pears into the empty room through the outside window, realizing he’s too late. He loves the logo, though.