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This Week In Crazy: GOP Makes Its Bed With Trump

The satanic Switzerland tunnel, the classic it’s-not-Trump-it’s-you racism feint, and the Republicans’ devils bargain with the Donald. Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the loony, bigoted, and hateful behavior of the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

5. Jeffrey Lord

Watching Trump supporters have to answer for their orange demigod’s insane and hateful behavior on live cable news has been one of the peculiar pleasures of this election cycle. Under the scrutiny (more or less) of TV anchors, we’ve gotten to see any number of Trump apologists squirm, equivocate, evade, and outright lie through their damn teeth.

In this nascent, but flourishing tradition, we may have just gotten our masterpiece: a f of an interview, as CNN’s resident Trump mouthpiece Jeffrey Lord melted down this week in spectacular fashion. Lord ultimately opted to go with the ever reliable kindergarten rhetorical maneuver “I am rubber, you are glue” in the matter of Trump’s incendiary remarks that District Judge Gonzalo Curiel was unfit to preside over the Trump University case because of his Mexican heritage.

Responding to House Speaker Paul Ryan’s assertion that Trump had been racist, Lord, in turn, exhibiting an utter lack of creativity, called Ryan a racist.

“Speaker Ryan has apparently switched positions and is supporting identity politics, which is racist. I am astonished,” faux-outrage machine Jeffrey Lord said on CNN Tuesday.

“You’re accusing Paul Ryan of racism?” host Carol Costello asked.

“I am accusing anybody who believes in identity politics, which he apparently now does, of playing the race card,” he responded, and proceeded to accuse the entire Republican establishment, including Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, of also being racist.

You see, in Lordlandia, when you call out someone for being racist, you are playing the “race card,” and that is the real racism. Or something.

Video courtesy of Media Matters

Next: Sean Hannity 

4. Sean Hannity

But maybe I’m being too hard on Lord. After all, the he-who-smelt-it-dealt-it-approach to calling Trump out on his racism was being played all throughout the Trump sycophant cosmos.

Take for instance, Trump’s fawning fangirl-in-chief Sean Hannity, who has made a habit of massively evacuating himself of dignity in a series of greasy, fawning interviews with the Donald for months now. When he isn’t presumably mailing the presumptive GOP nominee locks of his hair enclosed in handwritten sonnets, Hannity is going to bat for him on the air like the obedient horsewhipped acolyte he is.

Speaking to the whole Judge Curiel kerfuffle on his radio show Tuesday, Hannity shot back at Trump’s detractors, sounding like nothing so much as a spiteful four-year-old defending his daddy’s honor from schoolyard bullies.

He insisted that Judge Curiel should have recused himself, before launching into a buffet of false equivalence, accusing the left of “selective moral outrage” in their failure to condemn President Obama’s “radical past” and even went so far as to call the president a racist himself, saying:

I didn’t hear Paul Ryan talk about Reverend Wright being racist, I didn’t hear Paul Ryan making the case that somebody that hangs out with, gave speeches with,sits on boards with and starts his political career in the home of a domestic — unrepentant domestic terrorist isn’t fit for the job. I didn’t hear Lindsey Graham make that case either and it was his buddy John McCain running at the time.

Anything that they can do; I didn’t see the stuff in his two books Audacity of Hope or Dreams of My Father, “white man’s greed runs the world in need” Obama said? Is that worse than Trump’s comments? Everybody’s got selective moral outrage. Everybody’s all offended by words but it only depends on who utters the words that offends them. Because they’ll make all sorts of excuses, time and time again, if they don’t want to pick that particular political fight.

Somewhere, surely, the Donald is tossing Sean a treat.

Audio courtesy of Media Matters

Next: Dennis Prager 

3. Dennis Prager

In his syndicated column published Tuesday, Dennis Prager accused Bernie Sanders of being both a false Jew and a false American.

He writes:

In Sanders’ speeches and interviews, there is virtually no mention of his being a Jew (unless he’s asked about it), and — what’s truly amazing for an American presidential candidate — there are few mentions of America, except to lament American inequality, Wall Street corruption and other American evils.

It is true that, unlike the preening pandering from conservative Christian neotheocrat Republicans, Sanders has kept his religion more or less off the table. Though he has spoken often and emphatically that he believes in a spiritual mandate to improve life for our fellow man — a point he made perhaps most powerfully at a bridge-building speech at Liberty University.

Apparently that’s not good enough for Prager, who appoints himself arbiter of who is and who is not Jewish enough based on the number of times they flaunt their religiosity. He aligns Sanders with other “radical non-Jewish Jews” like George Soros and Noam Chomsky, whose spiritual failings (in Prager’s estimation) lead to immoral political actions.

[N]on-Jewish Jews are far more likely to work to weaken Christianity in America than Jewish Jews, especially religious Jews. Religious Jews celebrate religious Christians. The same holds true for American non-Jews who have rejected any identification with Christianity, many of whom in fact seek to weaken Christian influence and identity in America.

He concludes that “the radical non-Jewish Jew and the radical non-American American… hurt real humans, especially Jews and Americans.”

There you have it. If a Jew does not meet the minimum threshold on the Prager Jew Criterion Index, you actively weaken America and cause injury to other Jews.

Next: Who’s afraid of a little modern dance? 

2. Conservatives Scared of Performance Art

Switzerland marked the occasion of the opening of the largest and deepest tunnel in the world with a ceremony that included “an extended modern dance sequence — featuring stony-faced dancers dressed in orange construction gear and boots, dancing on and around a flatcar. Another sequence featured dancers in white briefs and one figure with wings and an oversize head, while yet another sequence had people covered in suits resembling a cross between a pompom and a hay bale,” according to NPR.

But if you’re a conservative Christian, it was nothing less than a godless carnival of the damned, an oblation to demonic demigods, a harbinger of a global decline in moral values, and a wake-up call to god-fearing Christians that they are coming under assault.

Charisma had the courage to ask: “Was the Gotthard Base Tunnel Opening Ceremony an Illuminati Ritual Intended to Honor Satan?” Michael Snyder writes from the comfort of the nest under his bed:

For a very long time, global secret societies have conducted their dark rituals out of the view of the general public, but we appear to have entered a time when they are becoming much bolder.

These days, we are seeing these sorts of “Illuminati rituals” just about everywhere. We have seen them regularly at major awards shows, in music videos, in television shows and movies, and even at the Super Bowl.

So why do these same themes keep popping up over and over again?

Darkness is rising, and it isn’t going to be satisfied until it has gripped the entire planet. And at this point the elite have become so bold that they aren’t even hiding what they plan to do to us anymore.

In a column published this week in WND, Leo Hohmann spoke to at least one Christian author who said the dance was a harbinger of the apocalypse. “In watching this ‘dedication ceremony,’ one can almost imagine what the streets of Sodom must have looked like in the days of Lot,” Florida pastor Carl Gallups said.

And of course there’s Joel Richardson, author of “When A Jew Rules the World,” who told Hohmann that “The decay of popular Western culture continues at a rapid pace,” and that this was precisely the End Times chaos that Paul the Apostle warned about.

Everyone’s a critic.

Next: Michael Savage

1. Michael Savage

With no small competition, Michael Savage still manages to come out on top in the conspiracy crankery race among radio shock jocks.

On his program this week, he spun another one of his exhaustive fantasias about how President Obama had been raised since birth to conquer America. He had been “polished very carefully for many years as a candidate for the left” in order “to invade America and convert us into a semi-socialist, semi-communist nation,” Savage said.

His invasion will of course be stewarded by a coalition of roving mobs, financed by George Soros naturally. Savage has been whistling this theme about nonwhite  “street thugs” overthrowing the nation for some time now, or as he once called them, the “Army of the Night.”

They will be able to do this because, of course, Hillary Clinton will come to take your guns. (Another recurring motif of his.)

Savage said (as quoted by Right Wing Watch):

“One, guns will be taken away, she will make it illegal either through ammunition or registration, your guns will be seized, guns will be criminalized,” he said. “Two, she will criminalize speech, talk radio will disappear, she will pass it under the guise of the Fairness and Communications Act, and I will be gone, as will everyone else who dares to speak the truth to these left-wing fanatic vermin. That’s number two. If you think the internet will be your refuge, you are mistaken. Hillary Clinton and her illegitimate cohorts will criminalize the internet as has been done in Europe under the dictator Merkel and as it is being done around the world by the greedy pig who owns Facebook.”

“It’s either Trump or nothing, we have nothing left,” he concluded.

Savage: doing his small part to make America grate again (and again).

Hat tip and audio courtesy of Right Wing Watch


Illustration: DonkeyHotey via Flickr

Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments! Get This Week In Crazy delivered to your inbox every Friday, by signing up for our daily email newsletter.

This Week In Crazy: Infinite Mess

Donald Trump is poised to win the GOP nomination, with theocratic loon Ted Cruz in second place. What could be worse than these two specimens? Their acolytes. Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the loony, bigoted, and hateful behavior of the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

5. Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck has talked many many times about how he sees the divine hand of providence in Ted Cruz’s candidacy. He has suggested that Antonin Scalia’s death may even have been an intentional gambit by the Almighty to cast into focus how important it was for America to elect Cruz.

Talking on his show Monday night Beck invoked the Old Man Upstairs again — claiming that Himself had Seen Fit to assemble for His Humble Servant, Glenn Beck, the audience that will deliver America by voting for Ted Cruz. Hosts flatter their audiences all the time (“You’re the best crowd, really!”) but Beck’s obsequiousness — playing to his viewers’ faith by informing them that they are “the audience that saves the republic” — is on another level.

Tuning into his show, Beck said, is the Almighty’s method of grooming viewers to stamp their chad for Cruz via His “preparation and sanctification.” That is one hell of an endorsement for your show, Glenn.

It would be laughable if it weren’t so pathetic. Oh wait. It’s still laughable.

Hat tip and video courtesy of Right Wing Watch

Next: Jeffrey Lord  

4. Jeffrey Lord

Well here’s a sensible chap.

In an American Spectator article published Tuesday, CNN contributor Jeffrey Lord lays it all out in his first paragraph: “Meet The new Ku Klux Klan. The newest leftist incarnation of that old leftist formula that combines racism with violence to push the progressive agenda.”

Although many conservative commentators were quick to demonize protesters for the violence at Trump rallies, only Lord has the audacity and historical illiteracy to draw a straight line from “the 19th and early 20th century Klan” to “the Violent Left” of today.

“This time around they don’t use hoods and burning crosses to rally the terrorists,” Lord wrote, “they use social media instead.” Yes, because’s social media organization, helping to coalesce a student-led protest against a modern American demagogue, is tantamount to the Klan’s reign of domestic terrorism. Well done, you straw-man-stuffing putz.

Lord’s fallacies and false equivalencies are nothing short of repulsive. He uses the idiot who charged Trump’s stage in Ohio to scapegoat anyone who wishes to protest Trump’s toxic rhetoric. He makes the gross and egregious freshman error of confusing Southern Democrats of the Restoration South with the modern Left because he either chooses not to, or can’t be bothered to, open a book. He says that “organized a mass shutdown” in the “tradition of the Klan,” neglecting of course to mention that the Klan pursued a decades-long strategy of murder and terror.

His disgusting and ignorant rant is viewable here.

Hat tip Media Matters

Next: Kentucky 

3. Kentucky State Senate

The Kentucky State Senate advanced legislation that would allow anyone who feels like it to reject the civil liberties of LGBT people (or anyone, really) under the banner of “religious liberty.”

Per Raw Story:

The measure, Senate Bill 180, passed on a 22-16 vote. State Sen. Albert Robinson (R), who sponsored the bill, called it a “common-sense, live-and-let-live” measure.

The bill, which is now headed to the state House for deliberation, effectively repeals anti-discrimination statutes covering LGBT residents in eight cities: Covington, Danville, Frankfort, Lexington, Louisville, Midway, Morehead and Vicco. It states that ” no statute, regulation, ordinance, order, judgment, or other law or action by any court, commission, or other public agency shall impair, impede, infringe upon, or otherwise restrict the exercise of protected rights by any protected activity provider.”

This is a thinly veiled gloss that gives free rein to anyone to carve out a zone of exemption in their immediate vicinity where civil rights do not apply, and they can discriminate with impunity. No law or ruling can come between a good Christian and his bigotry. How “live-and-let-live,” indeed. According to the Human Rights Campaign, 28 states this year have introduced anti-LGBT legislation under the flimsy premise of “religious liberty.”

Theocracy: An eminently convenient form of government if you happen worship the right god.

Hat tip Raw Story

Next: Katrina Pierson 

2. Katrina Pierson

Call her Trump 2.0.

When The Donald himself cannot be available to do a TV interview, the campaign rolls out the next best thing: spokesperson Katrina Pierson. She has clearly studied at the feet of the master and has a knack for emulating many of the hallmarks of Trump’s performances that have endeared him to his fans and exasperated journalists: Pierson is adept at conveying Trump’s incoherent flip-flops, his scattershot recriminations, his bulletproof resistance to logic, and adamantine self-righteousness spouting the most inane and hateful nonsense.

She also has caught Trump’s habit of bending reality — and the candidate’s record — to suit the conveniences of the immediate moment (or interview).

So it was Tuesday when Pierson was called to responds to anti-Trump ads spotlighting his history of ugly, misogynist remarks. Those comments, she said, were not made by the GOP frontrunner — they were “made as a television character.” It’s a brazen about-face, but perfectly in line with what has been Pierson’s tack on cable news shows for months now. She doesn’t miss a beat or break a sweat, as she transmutes the most utter bull excreta into pleasant-sounding bytes.

Doesn’t make her (or her candidate) any less answerable to the facts, or any less full of said excreta.

Hat tip Mediaite. Video courtesy of Fox News.

Next: Michael Savage 

1. Michael Savage

Paranoid savant Michael Savage gave his listeners a little taste of what a Hillary Clinton presidency will look like (and also what keeps Michael Savage up at night): There will be “armed rebellion” and “a transgender in your soup.”

“She is an absolute dictator,” he said on his show last week. “She will seize guns and make them illegal in any way necessary.” Though Right Wing Watch helpfully notes that Savage has been pulling this chicken-little act for years, telling his listeners that Obama is coming for their guns, and it has yet to happen.

By the by, Savage, along with fellow paranoiac fantasist shock jock Alex Jones, has hosted GOP frontrunner Donald Trump on his show — both men being precisely the sort of dunce whose aimless rage, powerlessness, and passing acquaintance with reality make them ripe for a charlatan like The Donald. No wonder a woman in power threatens them so much.

Hat tip and audio courtesy of Right Wing Watch

Image: DonkeyHotey via Flickr

Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments! Get This Week In Crazy delivered to your inbox every Friday, by signing up for our daily email newsletter.

This Week In Crazy: The Scalia Memorials

Last Saturday, Justice Antonin Scalia passed away, leaving a vacant seat in the nation’s highest court and opening a vacuum into which conservatives poured their wildest obstructionist agendas and kooked-out conspiracy theories. Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” a special Scalia-themed edition of The National Memo’s weekly update on the loony, bigoted, and hateful behavior of the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

5. Phyllis Schlafly

Of course it isn’t enough to block President Obama from appointing Scalia’s replacement — it is incumbent upon Senate Republicans to block any and all appointments to federal courts. This is the latest gospel from Phyllis Schlafly, writing in her column published Monday.

Schlafly writes:

Several GOP candidates promised to appoint a justice who will interpret the Constitution as it was written, rather than changing it as liberals want. But by now it should be painfully obvious that picking good judges is not sufficient to stop liberal activism by the courts.

Of course Senate Republicans should block President Obama from filling this Supreme Court vacancy in an election year, and they have 80 years of precedent on their side. But Republicans should go further and block nominations for all the other vacancies in the federal judiciary, too.

Schlafly was not content to leave it at that of course — the conservative activist, who has previously railed against abortion, same-sex marriage, the Equal Rights Amendment, and even microbrew, enjoined Congress to basically tear down the entire judicial system because, you know, liberals.

“Congress should also defund use of taxpayer money by the Department of Justice to push the liberal agenda in the liberal courts,” she wrote. “Congress should cut back on the funding for the courts themselves, too, and eliminate rather than fill some of the vacancies.”

In other words, no judges at all are better than judges who want to move the country forward.

Next: Grant Stinchfield 

4. Grant Stinchfield

Grant Stinchfield, a radio host and former Republican congressional candidate, demonstrated virtually unheard of humility (at least among right-wing shock jocks) when he confessed that he did not “know for a fact that [Scalia] was murdered.” But still, he thinks he’s pulled the crucial thread on a conspiracy regarding the president and the unions in cahoots with him, and he wants the Feds to look into it.

Speaking on his radio show Monday, Stinchfield cited a “whole host of factors” that led him to believe that a murder was possible. “The more reporters that tell me I’m nuts about this, it tells me that maybe I’m on to something,” Stinchfield said.

He also, in a curious maneuver, decried the fact that with a potential year’s worth of null 4-4 rulings, President Obama would have “free rein” to impose whatever nefarious liberal agenda he wants, glossing over the fact that if there should be a year-long vacancy on the SCOTUS, it will be despite — not because of — the president’s efforts.

should be investigated by the FBI,” Stinchfield wrote on Twitter. “To [sic] many red flags. and Unions have motive to want him dead.” The plot thickens.

Stinchfield is of course only one of many, many conservative pundits who are calling for an investigation into the circumstances of Scalia’s death. As we shall see…

Hat tip and audio courtesy of Media Matters

Next: Glenn Beck 

3. Glenn Beck

Well, this is a murder conspiracy of a sort.

Glenn Beck downloaded his latest dispatch from his private satellite in orbit that relays the secret plans of God to let his audience know that the Man Upstairs took Scalia to that great seminar on originalism in the sky, as a way of paving the road for His chosen candidate — Ted Cruz.

As reported by Right Wing Watch, Beck speculated that Scalia’s death was God’s way of galvanizing Americans into realizing just how close they are to losing their liberties, and accordingly spurring them to punch their chads for Cruz.

“I just woke the American people up,” Beck said, presumably channelling the true intentions of God. “I took them out of the game show moment and woke enough of them up to say, look at how close your liberty is to being lost. You now have lost your liberty. You replace one guy and you now have 5-4 decisions in the other direction. Just with this one guy, you’ve lost your liberty. So you’d better elect somebody that is going to be somebody on, because for the next 30 years, if you don’t, the Constitution as you know it … is hanging by a thread. That thread has just been cut.”

Beck took to Facebook Wednesday night to blast the “MSM” for basically reporting that he had told listeners that “God killed Scalia to help Ted Cruz.”

“Outrageous,” Beck wrote. “What I did say is ‘perhaps God allowed Scalia to die at this time to wake America up to how close we are to the loss of our freedom.'”

Ah, thank you for clarifying. His full Facebook post is below.

As I am driving to the airport to come home I check the news.Apparently the MSM is reporting that I said “God killed…

Posted by Glenn Beck on Wednesday, February 17, 2016

This is not the first time Glenn Beck has espied the hand of God in Ted Cruz’s candidacy. He has previously said that he sees divine providence animating both the life story of the Texas senator, as well as his political aspirations. You could reasonably protest that the Almighty probably could have found a more humane, surefire way to give Cruz a boost in the race than offing one of His most effective servants — but I guess Beck hasn’t yet received a transmission that explains that one away yet.

Hat tip and video courtesy of Right Wing Watch 

Next: Michael Savage 

2. Michael Savage

Well naturally, the shock jock guru Michael Savage has a theory that Scalia was murdered. After all, how else to can you explain the sudden death of a 79-year-old man?

“We need a Warren Commission-like federal investigation,” he said on his show. “This is serious business.” Donald Trump conceded to Savage that the unprecedented event of a septuagenarian passing away in his sleep was “pretty unusual.”

In an essay entitled “Was Scalia Murdered?” posted on his website, Savage expanded upon his theory:

The question is, is it a conspiracy theory to ask questions that are so obviously in need of answer, or is it just common sense. And where is the common sense both in the press and the Republican Party. The answer is nowhere. And that’s why I am Michael Savage.

[…]we have a picture of Barack Obama shaking hands with John Poindexter. A Texas millionaire businessman, who is also a donor to the Democrat party, who also received an award from Barry Obama, related to his service in Viet Nam. You see, Mr. Poindexter, is the owner of the Cibolo Creek Ranch that Supreme Court Justice Scalia was found dead at this weekend. Did you know any of this?

“My friends,” he concluded, “something stinks.”

Audio courtesy of Right Wing Watch 

Next: Rick Wiles 

1. Rick Wiles

But it gets worse (or better) than a “mere” murder.

Of all the Scalia truther conspiracies that I’ve heard, Rick Wiles’s certainly takes the prize for the most creative, baroque, and paranoid. Wiles, the radio host of End Times, weaves his political assassination drama together with some deeply held misgivings about the dark practices of American pagans, as well as his all-enveloping fear and loathing of the president, which is basically the background radiation noise for any good conservative rant.

Positing “possible occult connections” to the death of Justice Scalia on Trunews Monday, Wiles spun a most creative theory, uniting several distinct conservative Christian bugaboos: an insidious liberal plot, witchcraft, and the dark lord holding dominion over all, Barack Obama.

As reported by Right Wing Watch:

[Scalia] was murdered by President Obama and was a human sacrifice to mark the pagan festival of Lupercalia.

Wiles explained that the “Luciferian” “devil-worshipers” who control the government are out for blood, noting that Lupercalia is observed between February 13 and 15. Scalia’s body was discovered on the 13th. “There’s always human sacrifice involved,” he said, claiming that Scalia was “killed” to mark the beginning of pagan fascism ruling over the U.S.

“This is the way a dictatorial, fascist, police state regime takes control of a nation,” Wiles said, averring that the pillow had been left on Scalia’s face as a warning to any in Washington who would oppose the Satanic cabal. The day of Scalia’s death marked “the day the justice died, the day justice in America died,” he continued, “they got away with it.”

Wiles cited as evidence the fact that Scalia died on Feb. 13, which was the 44th day of the year — and this is the smoking gun, you see, because this devilish numerology points to the 44th president.

It all adds up.

Hat tip and audio courtesy of Right Wing Watch

Images: Scalia (DonkeyHotey/Flickr), Courthouse (Phil Roeder/Flickr)

Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments! Get This Week In Crazy delivered to your inbox every Friday, by signing up for our daily email newsletter.

This Week In Crazy: No Sleep ‘Til Iowa

This fitful circus of folly we call the election cycle enters its next phase in two short weeks — when the first votes are actually cast. We’re in the pre-Iowa homestretch now, and everyone’s losing their minds. Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the loony, bigoted, and hateful behavior of the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

5. Village of Whitesboro, New York

The Iowa caucuses are two weeks away, and the general election isn’t until November. But according to Stephen Colbert “the most important vote of 2016” already occurred this week.

The village of Whitesboro, New York became the focus of national attention and derision held an opinion poll about whether to replace their controversial town seal. The seal appears to depict town founder Hugh White locked in a death match with a red-toned Native American.


Click to enlarge

“Political correctness, who cares?” one voter told WKTV. “This is our village, who cares what the world thinks? I want to see this settled today, once and for all.”

Thankfully, the good people of Whitesboro would not be cowed into wussifying their own history, and voted to keep the seal.

What the alternative seals had in cultural sensitivity they lost is historical verisimilitude. One of the proposed replacement seals appeared to show the Native American and Mr. White teaming up to beat down a British redcoat; another seemed to illustrate them high-fiving.

So maybe kudos are in order that the folks of Whitesboro are refusing to whitewash history. I suppose I’m being generous, but we could say that the decision to keep the old seal is less about celebrating a racially-charged violent heritage — and more about just acknowledging that it happened at all… right? …Right?

Next: Fox & Friends

4. Fox & Friends

Count on Fox & Friends, the news network’s daily morning exercise in folksy, caffeinated inanity, to find fault in President Obama’s aspirational “moon shot” goal of curing cancer, which he trumpeted during his State of the Union speech Tuesday night.

The F&F gang must have tried heartily and failed to actually find an anti-cancer-cure angle to suit their purpose, so they instead settled for accusing the president of ripping his speech off from the liberal propaganda machine known as The West Wing.

Video from Media Matters below:

“If you’re going to rip off somebody,” host Clayton Morris said, “rip off Aaron Sorkin.”

Give F&F some credit. Since their mandate is to attack Obama for absolutely everything, they could have just as easily come out as “pro-cancer.” It wouldn’t even be the stupidest thing they’ve ever said.

Next: Michael Savage

3. Michael Savage

A few weeks ago Trump made a call-in appearance on paranoid savant Alex Jones’ InfoWars radio show. So of course it was only a matter of time before he put in a call to Jones’s shock-jock-in-arms and human interrobang Michael Savage, showing up on his Monday program.

Savage, you’ll recall, is the raucous fabulist famous for his deluded rants, in which he blames President Obama, whom he calls “this thing in the White House,” for literally everything in his life — whether it’s the imaginary American internment camps he espies around every corner; the urban, nonwhite  “Army of the Night” he thinks is coming to steal his liberty; or any of his various ailments such as a nasty flu or his “post radio stress disorder.”

And now, with his characteristic yen for fantasy, Savage told The Donald that he was quite confident he would sweep the Hispanic vote in America. The reasoning behind this is more than a little specious, and exhibits Savage’s characteristic flair for free-associative nonsense. Savage is convinced this will occur, despite Trump’s propensity for hateful anti-immigrant — specifically anti-Mexican — remarks, because “the Hispanic culture is a macho culture. Men don’t like reporting to a woman. It’s just the way the culture is. And they’d rather have a man than a woman as president.”

Per Media Matters:

Trump later added that he’s the one who “came up with” getting rid of “anchor babies” from the country, claiming that “people come over, they have a baby, now we have to take care of the baby for the next 90 years. It’s ridiculous.” The Associated Press noted that it’s “extraordinarily rare for immigrants to come to the U.S. just so they can have babies and get citizenship. In most cases, they come to the U.S. for economic reasons and better hospitals, and end up staying and raising families.”

Numerous polls have shown that Trump is actually extremely unpopular with Hispanics. A recent ABC News/Washington Post poll found “Trump’s favorability rating is just 18 percent among Hispanics and blacks alike, vs. 44 percent among whites.”

Never mind that, during the 2008 Democratic primary, Hispanic voters voted for Hillary Clinton over Barack Obama nearly two-to-one. Savage’s grasp on reality is as strong as ever.

Next: Ann Coulter

2. Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter has emerged as one of Donald Trump’s most fearsome and adamant fangirls. His dubious conservative record on any number of issues, not to mention his past chumminess with the Clintons, appears not to be an issue for Coulter. His strident anti-immigrant stance is more than enough to win the shriveled venomous heart of a virulent xenophobe like Coulter.

As he increasingly comes under criticism (and under threat ) from people within his own party, Coulter has shown no compunction at all opening up her characteristic brand of fire-breathing B.S. on his behalf — even if it means going after other conservatives. This includes Ted Cruz, who’s poised to possibly beat Trump in the Iowa caucuses, and so of course Coulter has added her voice to the chorus of challenges to Cruz’s eligibility. And now she’s set her crosshairs on South Carolina governor and GOP rising star Nikki Haley.

Haley had been tapped by the GOP to give the party’s official rebuke to the president’s State of the Union speech Tuesday night. She used the opportunity to take some not-so-veiled swipes at Trump, for his anti-immigrant, anti-Muslim rhetoric. She invoked her own background as the daughter of immigrants and defended the notion that America is open to anyone willing to come here and work hard.

Earning the ire of Republicans and Democrats alike, Coulter tore Haley (and whatever laughable shred of her own credibility remained) to shreds:

And then for an encore, Coulter went on Fox News Radio and called Haley a “bimbo,” who “was accidentally elected because she’s pretty and isn’t very bright.”

Go home, Ann. Everyone is embarrassed for you.

Next: Mike Huckabee

1. Mike Huckabee.

It’s hard to be a sanctimonious, righteous Bible-thumping candidate for Christ when you have a noted child molester in your corner. But it doesn’t seem to bother Mike Huckabee.

The Southern Baptist preacher currently languishing in the polls is the anti-gay, anti-abortion crusader who purports to defend the sanctity of the American family; he’s also a noted apologist for serial sexual abuser Josh Duggar. On this point he was challenged on the campaign trail: “You talk about the children. What’s your views on child abuse?” a woman asked Huckabee at a Clinton, Iowa event last week, kicking off a long, tense exchange, which was captured on video and posted online by the progressive Super PAC, American Bridge 21st Century.

When the woman persisted, Huckabee said, “You have no idea what you’re talking about. You don’t know that family and I do.” Indeed he does. Huck has been one of the Duggars’ most vociferous defenders, coming to their aid when Josh’s crimes were revealed to the public last year.

Huckabee said that despite the Duggars’ efforts to keep Josh’s serial abuse of his sisters from reaching the authorities, “their Christian witness is not marred in our eyes” and that he and his wife would “run to them with our support.”

So yes, the same Mike Huckabee who said of the Supreme Court decision legalizing marriage equality, “Jesus wept,” also defended Josh Duggar’s crimes as “mistakes” that may have been “‘inexcusable, but that does not mean ‘unforgivable.'”

Josh Duggar, you’ll recall, is the former subject of TLC’s squeaky-clean reality show 19 Kids and Counting, which beamed his large, all-loving conservative Christian family into living rooms all over the nation. He’s also a former executive director for the Family Research Council’s lobbying arm, which advocates against marriage equality and women’s reproductive rights. In his capacity as FRC mouthpiece, Duggar said that same-sex marriage was an existential threat to the American family, and that homosexuality was linked to pedophilia.

But Huckabee protested that it wasn’t very nice of the woman to challenge him on his record, saying that being told he supports child abuse “hurts my feelings.”

I’m playing the world’s smallest violin.

Photo: Marc Nozell via Flickr

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