This Week In Crazy: Ted Cruz Is A Biblical Prophet, And The Rest Of The Worst Of The Right
Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:
5. Bryan Fischer
Senator Ted Cruz’s (R-TX) fake filibuster excited several This Week In Crazy favorites, but none had as enthusiastic a response as Bryan Fischer.
On Fischer’s radio show, the hate group leader referred to Ted Cruz as a modern-day Prophet Elijah, who confronted the prophets of Baal, and called Cruz’s marathon speech, “his showdown on Mount Carmel.”
As the good folks at Right Wing Watchpoint out, the Biblical tale of Elijah ends with him having the prophets of Baal seized and slaughtered, which is just a minor difference from reading Green Eggs and Ham and voting for a procedural motion to advance the very bill he was protesting. In any case, there’s probably a lesson to be learned by Fischer here about worshipping false idols.
4. Lynn Westmoreland
U.S. Representative Lynn Westmoreland (R-GA), who is perhaps best-known for referring to the Obama family as “uppity” back in 2008, stuck his foot in his mouth again on Monday with an ill-advised attempt to assuage fears of a government shutdown.
During an interview with Newsmax TV, host John Bachman asked Congressman Westmoreland, “there’s only ten days until this apocalyptic moment when the government supposedly is going to shut down…to the people who say that you guys kind of are waiting to the last minute here with only ten days to go, what do you say?”
Westmoreland replied: “Well, God created the world in seven days, so ten days is not out of the reach of the Senate.”
It’s unclear whether Congressman Westmoreland believes that the Senate’s efficiency is comparable to God’s, or that God is going to step in to solve the problem for them. Either way, it’s certifiably crazy (although given Westmoreland’s track record on religion, perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised).
3. Glenn Beck
While right-wing carnival barker Glenn Beck didn’t go as far as to declare Ted Cruz to be a Biblical prophet, he does think that Cruz would make an excellent president.
Beck suggested sending Cruz to the White House, while making the case for Louie Gohmert to run for Senate against Minority Whip John Cornyn (R-TX) — who has apparently become a RINO (despite being ranked as the second-most conservative senator by the National Journal). What makes Beck’s vision truly crazy, however, is his suggestion for President Cruz’s cabinet: Vice President Rand Paul, Treasury Secretary (!) Ron Paul, and Secretary of State (!!!) Gohmert.
Only Glenn Beck could suggest that both he and Louie Gohmert run for Senate, and have that be not even close to the wildest part of his show.
2. Jerome Corsi & Alex Jones
When Jerome Corsi and Alex Jones join forces, you just know that the result will be completely and irredeemably insane. The conspiracy kings’ joint appearance on Jones’ InfoWars on Monday certainly didn’t disappoint.
According to Corsi and Jones, the horrific weekend attack on the Westgate shopping mall in Kenya was — like everything else in their fever dreams — actually a false flag operation organized by Barack Obama. Because he’s Kenyan, of course.
The dynamic duo reports that the U.S. government actually runs al Qaeda, and used it for an attack to support President Obama’s secret Muslim ally, former prime minister of Kenya Raila Odinga (who is actually an Evangelical Christian whom Obama does not support, but stay with me).
“This is basically Obama behind jihadis, connected to this attack,” Jones explained. “So they are using al Qaeda worldwide as the proxy war to take over all these countries in North Africa and now into Kenya.”
“They are going to turn everything over to radical Muslims,” he added. “So Obama is lowering the drawbridge from Egypt to Syria to Kenya to Libya to Central Asia to everywhere to bring in al Qaeda.”
The two agree that “this is high treason,” joining the time that Obama faked his birth certificate, unleashed a tornado in Oklahoma using a “weather weapon,” and planned to replace humanity with a race of human-robot hybrids among other “crimes” on his list of impeachable offenses.
Go to The Daily Banter for video and analysis of Jones and Corsi’s appearance… if you dare.
1. Larry Klayman
This week’s “winner” is Larry Klayman, a man so crazy that he not only writes a column for Joseph Farah’s WorldNetDaily, but has actually served as Farah’s attorney.
Klayman lands at number one for finally picking a date for his planned coup against the United States government, during which he plans to bring millions of supporters to Washington, chant “Mr. President, put the Quran down, get up off your knees and come out with your hands up!” and encourage the president to “ride off into his Islamic sunset, link up with 72 virgins and party on at his expense — not ours!”
On Tuesday, Klayman announced that November 19 will be the day that he will “rid the nation of the criminal who lurks in our White House.”
After reminding his readers that Obama is worse than King George III — “he may have been a greedy control freak, but at least he was a Christian,” Klayman writes — the paranoiac lays out some more specific strategies.
Klayman, who says that he is following in the footsteps of Mahatma Gandhi, now proposes “bringing the victims of his reign of terror to a podium across from the White House in Lafayette Park to give their testimony” on what a monster the president is. And once Darrell Issa is done with his speech, Obama will presumably resign so Klayman and company can take office.
If he needs a new secretary of state, Glenn Beck and I know a congressman who would be perfect for the job — if nothing else, we know that he loves a good coup.
Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments!