This Week In Crazy: The Gays Are Coming! The Gays Are Coming!
Welcome to This Week In Crazy, The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:
5. Sandy Rios
On Wednesday, Sandy Rios, the Director of Governmental Affairs for the American Family Association (AFA), was brought onto MSNBC not once, but twice, to clarify — as so many conservatives have — that the religious freedom laws currently drawing so much criticism are not about discrimination. They’re just about empowering individuals and businesses to single out a segment of the population and treat them differently. Wait…
Rios recently enjoined Christians to “prepare for martyrdom” over legalized gay marriage, so she could arguably call herself an expert on discrimination. Just maybe not the kind of expert Chris Matthews should invite on his show.
According to the Gospel of Sandy, these laws are really about protecting everybody. The group getting the most attention now just happen to be Christians, a notoriously persecuted minority in this country, because they’re “really taking a hit” over this whole equal rights thingy.
4. Glenn Beck
Glenn Beck kicked off his radio show Wednesday with a powerful statement of tolerance: “You can’t legislate morality. This is why we have to heal our hearts. This is why we have to get to know each other. This is why we have to stand with each other.”
And all across the land, Americans both red and blue leaned forward in their chairs, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Did Glenn’s heart grow three sizes that day? No, of course not. He kept on talking.
“Let’s stop forcing each other to do things. You don’t change anything. That ends up in concentration camps!” Whew, I was worried for a moment. He went on to confirm that everything was humming along as usual in Becklandia by announcing that if things keep going the way they’re going (you know, towards wide acceptance of gay rights), we’re all gonna end up in Bergen-Belsen. If he ever manages to make it through a whole hour without invoking Nazis and mass murder, then we’ll know we’ve finally lost the old boy.
ViaRight Wing Watch.
3. Michael Leahy
Senator Harry Reid, what aren’t you telling us about your injuries? Did a rubber band really snap off while you were exercising in the bathroom? Breitbart‘s Michael Leahy is on the case.
Turns out if you examine every last detail of Reid’s bathroom, as Leahy apparently has time to do, and filter it through a lens of paranoia that would embarrass Howard Hughes, you can file a Reid Truther report that will make you the laughingstock of the Lamestream Media (and Reid’s communication director, who delivered the yuks on Twitter in merciless fashion).
The leading theory behind Reid’s injuries is that the senator failed to follow through on a promise he made to some unsavory Mafia elements, in whose pocket he has languished for decades, of course. Conservative bloggers don’t have much in the way of facts here, but when did that ever stop them? (Speaking of facts, Harry Reid’s security detail was present and drove him to the hospital, so this must’ve been one audacious Mob hit.)
— MichaelPatrick Leahy (@michaelpleahy) March 31, 2015
Keep digging, Mike. You’re on (to) something.
2. Michele Bachmann
How low can Michele Bachmann go? Each time she opens her mouth, the universe’s mean average of lunacy ticks up a notch. It must be her lifelong project — to boldly go where unreason and poor taste never even thought to go.
But on Tuesday, the former Minnesota congresswoman really went “There” — that proverbial node where being ignorant, outlandish, stupid, and hateful all intersect. She likened President Obama’s leadership to a pilot crashing a plane full of people into the Alps. Here, in her own insipid words:
Via Mediaite. Screenshot via Facebook.
1. Pat Robertson
Bringing up the fore of this week’s list, Pat Robertson would like to share a word or two about the nightmarish fantasia that will engulf the nation if The Gays get their, y’know, equal rights.
“You might as well keep your mouth shut,” Robertson says as the video begins, and then proceeds not to follow his own advice. On Thursday’s edition of The 700 Club, he paints a hellish picture of
the Freudian haunted house of repressed desire that is his brain an America where gays and lesbians have the same rights he does. “It doesn’t matter what holy thing that you worship and adore, the gays are going to get it,” Robertson says. “They’re going to make you conform to them. You are going to say you like anal sex, you like oral sex, you like bestiality, you like anything you can think of, whatever it is.”
He proceeds to catalog
all the secret yearnings in his heart things he fears will come about once we start treating LGBT citizens like fellow humans: bestiality, polyamory. polygamy, and so forth. “What’s so terrible about having sex with animals?” he asks, we assume rhetorically. “What’s wrong with you?” What, indeed.
ViaRight Wing Watch.