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Statue fetishists, blubbering neo-Nazis, and Cat Fight Fever. Welcome to This Week In Crazy, The National Memo’s weekly update on the loony, bigoted, and hateful behavior of the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

5. Scott Adams

The Dilbert cartoonist is secondarily known as an inflammatory right-wing Twitter kook. His response to the weekend’s deadly clash between neo-Nazis and “antifa” protesters at the “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, was no exception. On Wednesday, Adams tweeted what I’ll admit I at first thought was a sarcastic response to President Donald Trump’s continued both-sides-ism during an impromptu presser at Trump Tower on Tuesday:

Everybody knows that one guy in the office that listens to NPR, canvassed for Bernie last year, and gets all jacked up at the sight of a hunking Confederate general cast in copper. Y’know, a “pro-statue” kind of guy.

Of course, that guy doesn’t exist and so he wasn’t marching with a TIKI torch on Friday nor ramming down dozens of counter-protesters on Saturday.

4. Michele Bachmann

Skyline Church’s Pastor Jim Garlow announced on Saturday the appointment of the former Minnesota congresswoman and 2012 Republican presidential candidate to the undoubtedly made up position of “pastor to the United Nations”:

“I don’t know a darker, more deceived place on earth than the U.N.,” Bachmann told the congregation during Garlow’s Sunday service. “Because as we saw at the Tower of Babel, that’s probably the last time when we saw all the nations of the earth come together in a moment of deception … Their goal has been from the very beginning, the creation of a one-world order; but not a one-world order under the umbrella of the Holy Spirit, a man’s attempt at a one-world order that only brings about chaos, confusion, deception, delusion, pain. And that’s where, rather than cursing the darkness, Skyline Church is about to light a candle.”

What does it mean to be “pastor to the United Nations”? Don’t ask me. I can only imagine Bachmann delivering rambling end-times sermons surrounded by tourists with selfie-sticks. Or maybe she’ll hide in the bushes — like she did as a Minnesota state senator in 2005 — outside the entrance and wait to ambush departing delegates with guerrilla gospel.

3. Alex Marlow and Milo Yiannopoulos

The former is Breitbart‘s editor-in-chief. The latter resigned from Beitbart in February after video surfaced of him endorsing pedophilia. Yet the two met on Monday’s episode of Breitbart’s Sirius XM radio show to discuss “virtue signaling” in GoDaddy’s decision to stop hosting The Daily Stormer, an infamous neo-Nazi blog that ran an incendiary article about Charlottesville victim Heather Heyer.

Marlow was quick to distance his publication — itself frequently bookmarked by neo-Nazis — from The Daily Stormer, which, “by the way, has boycotted Breitbart because we let [Milo] write for us and other gay people.”

“You’ll never hear that in the media,” Yiannopoulos said. (And, because I’m petty, I’ll note that I wrote about the antisemitic family feud in Salon in September.) He adds: “The Daily Stormer, the white supremacist hub on the Internet, hates me and hates Breitbart. That’s not coming to CNN anytime soon.”

Marlow initiates the craziness: “The Daily Stormer was white supremacist yesterday too, and the day before, and a year ago, and two years ago, yet GoDaddy decides to ban them today. This virtue signaling is just getting absolutely ridiculous at this point.”

Only the originalist trolls at Breitbart would even think to whine about the unconstitutionality of censoring “the white supremacist hub on the Internet” for calling a murdered counter-protester a “Fat, Childless 32-Year-Old Slut.” If that’s not hate speech, I don’t know what is.

2. Chris Cantwell

And speaking of whining neo-Nazis, this “Unite the Right” organizer — featured prominently in the Vice documentary Charlottesville: Race and Terror — couldn’t even pretend to be tough for a less-than-five-minute vlog after he found out a warrant had been issued for his arrest.

In the documentary, Cantwell claims his band of white supremacists who infested the Virginia college town over the weekend is “not non-violent. We’ll fucking kill these people if we have to” — evidenced by the death of Heather Heyer.

But when the effects of adrenaline and mace wore off and the fuzz got his number, a softer, self-doxxing Cantwell surfaced:

1. Ted Nugent

When in November the United States elected a taller, less literate Alex Jones to run the country, there was concern over which jaundiced, nouveau-riche cretin would fill which cabinet position. Amid the confusion, I totally forgot about all two of candidate Trump’s so-called celebrity endorsers: Kid Rock and Ted Nugent.

The former got the better end of the deal: he’s running to be a U.S. senator in a possibly illegitimate campaign cosigned by Warner Brothers that’s definitely not just some stunt to sell hats.

Nugent, on the other hand, peaked when he grabbed his crotch on stage at a Trump rally in November. He’s since gone back to appearing sporadically on Fox News and claiming the only reason he’s not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is because he’s on the NRA’s board of directors and Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Foundation member Jann Wenner “hates the Second Amendment.”

Hall of Famer — as part of Crosby, Stills, and Nash — David Crosby posited another reason the deer-hunting rocker didn’t make the cut:

Nugent then took to (where else but) Fox News to air his rebuttal.

“With all due respect to David Crosby — if any is due,” Nugent told Fox’s Specialists, “here’s a bloated carcass that has abused his body all his life. He’s a repository for every chemical and drug known to man. And if he doesn’t have that much respect or soul, then his criticism to me is a badge of honor. He can kiss my ass.”

Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments! Get This Week In Crazy delivered to your inbox every Friday, by signing up for our daily email newsletter.


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