Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:
5. Sean Duffy and Andrea Tantaros
As all Americans on the East Coast know, this winter has been brutally cold and unusually snowy; in fact, schools in Easton, Massachusetts had so many snow days that the town moved to eliminate three religious holidays next year to avoid having to extend the school year well into the summer, as they’re doing in 2015.
Or at least that’s what they want you to think.
Fortunately for This Week In Crazy readers, the “one lucky guy” on the Monday edition of the Fox News trollfest Outnumbered — U.S. Rep. Sean Duffy (R-WI) — is here to expose the horrible truth about the liberal snow plot otherwise known as winter.
“That makes too much sense,” the Tea Party congressman and former Real World star said of the Easton school committee’s explanation for shortening the schedule. “Don’t let any good crisis go to waste, and if you want to take religion out of the public square, look at Boston and look at all the snow and say, ‘What a great reason now, we can take these religious holidays out of our school system.'”
Co-host Andrea Tantaros heartily agreed.
“I think the congressman hit the nail on the head,” she said. “This is what happens when liberal academic Boston meets ethnic Boston.”
Perhaps Duffy and Tantaros should look to the shining example of Senator Jim Inhofe (R-OK), who recently demonstrated how snow can be turned against the liberal aggressors.
4. Bryan Fischer
When discredited right-wing author Ed Klein wrote an anonymously sourced column claiming that White House advisor Valerie Jarrett leaked Hillary Clinton’s email controversy to the press, it was only a matter of time until the fringe sank its teeth into the conspiracy theory.
As usual, Bryan Fischer led the charge. On the Tuesday edition of his show, Fischer took Klein’s “report” one step further, by explaining why President Obama would want to disqualify Clinton: To destroy America!
“I’ve got a theory about why President Obama is trying to sabotage Hillary Clinton’s candidacy,” Fischer said. “If his agenda is to weaken this country; if his agenda is to transform this country into something that you and I don’t recognize, I believe he thinks he can do that better if Hillary Clinton loses than if Hillary Clinton wins. I think this is all about President Obama wanting to preserve his ability to continue to be a community agitator.”
It’s slightly surprising to hear Fischer — who believes that the president was too lazy to even find out about the Osama bin Laden raid — suggest that Obama will continue the hard work of dismantling the Republic after he leaves office. But in any case, he makes a pretty good case for why Republicans should vote for Hillary Clinton in 2016.
3. Peter Kinder
The recent Justice Department report on the Ferguson criminal justice system has exposed the crooked practices and deep-seated racism of a rotten institution. Not the Ferguson police department and courts! No, you see, as Missouri lieutenant governor Peter Kinder explains, the Department of Justice has in fact revealed its own racism!
Per Kinder: “There is more racism in the Justice Department […] than anywhere I see in the St. Louis area. […] It is the left. It is the Eric Holder and Obama left, and their minions who are obsessed with race, while the rest of us are moving on beyond it.”
Now, despite the fact that the investigation revealed that for years, Ferguson officials abused their authority by turning the city’s black citizens into a revenue stream through a system of meritless citations, it appears that the actual injustice has been perpetrated on the good state of Missouri by the DoJ’s cadre of “radical, hard left radical leftist lawyers” (try saying that 10 times fast).
Bottom line: Leave Missouri alone, you racist radicals! They have the situation in hand.
You can view the video via BuzzFeed here.
2. Kevin Swanson
Kevin Swanson, the severely warped radio host, has slinked back on to the list! Swanson, you may recall, is the host of Generations, a Colorado Springs-based program whose goal is to “present life from the perspective of a Biblical worldview.” A worldview that apparently causes one to hear a hellish, corrupting influence in the anodyne lyrics of pop idols like Taylor Swift.
Swift’s single “Welcome to New York,” an ode to the city where, as the singer tells it, “you can want who you want / Boys and boys and girls and girls,” is an anthem of depravity, inducing us into national apostasy through our children’s precious, impressionable ears. Mothers, lock up your daughters’ iPods. Better yet, just lock up your daughters. Because to hear Swanson tell it, nowhere — not churches, not public school classrooms — is safe from the corrupting influence of pop culture and its “demon songs.”
Although when you listen to Swanson recite Swift’s lyrics, with a kind of slippery staccato rhythm and creepy sibilant hiss, not to mention the ghoulish, prurient way he elongates these pop singers’ names (“Miiiley Cyruuuus, Taaaaylor Swift taking their little fan club allllll the waaaay, allll the waaaay…”), um, yeah it kind of does sound demonic.
(Incidentally, the godless city that is the subject of the song was not fond of the tune either. Swift’s really getting it from all sides here.)
1. Rick Santorum & Friends
At far-right campaign events, there’s often a crazy person in a crowd who creates an awkward moment for the politicians in attendance. But few have ever delivered like the InfoWars-style paranoiac who took over last week’s South Carolina National Security Action Summit.
During the event, this week’s “winner,” former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum, took a question from the audience — and it was a real doozy.
“Why is the Congress rolling over and letting this communist dictator destroy my country?” a woman shouted at Santorum. “Y’all know what he is and I know what he is. I want him out of the White House! He’s not a citizen. He could’ve been removed a long time ago.”
After name dropping This Week In Crazy favorite Larry Klayman, the woman got to her main point — and her rant completely skipped the rails.
“Where do we go from here? Ted [Cruz] told me I’ve got to wait now ’til the next election. I don’t think the country will be around for the next election,” she lamented. “Obama tried to blow up a nuke in Charleston a few months ago…he has fired all the generals and all the admirals who said they wouldn’t fire on the American people if you asked them to do so if he wanted to take the guns away from them!”
Santorum, who looked deeply uncomfortable throughout the entire diatribe, finally got an opportunity to answer.
“First off, I take somewhat offense,” Santorum began. Well, that sounds promising!
“Because I’m not a sitting member of the Senate, so I’m not taking blame for any of that stuff.” Oh.
Good luck with that plan to avoid another circus primary in 2016.
Photo: Gage Skidmore via Flickr.
Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments!
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