The National  Memo Logo

Smart. Sharp. Funny. Fearless.

Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

Washington — Under the cherry blossoms that hang on the bough, a woman and a man are taking a long walk. Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are full of bottled up feelings for this conversation about their future together.

The city seldom looks this soft and lovely, painted in pink, by the sparkling blue Potomac River. Congress has left town. It is a good moment to pop the question. Thomas Jefferson’s statue looms large across the way. He, too, was a Democrat, the first Democratic president. And politics was never pristine in his day.

Picture the leading Democratic presidential contender, Clinton, clearing her throat and asking her friend and foe, democratic socialist Senator Sanders to be her running mate when the party convention is held in Philadelphia in July.

A tough ask. But it must be done for unity going into the Democratic convention. All good men — and women — must come to the aid of the party for the fall. Democrats are not good team players, but if they show party discipline in this strange political weather, that may make all the difference in a close call election.

Clinton: Bernie, it goes without saying that we’ll support each other, whoever wins, right?

Sanders: Ask me in July. Philadelphia’s a perfect place for a revolution. You never thought I had a chance.

Clinton: Bernie, you’re a better candidate than we gave you credit for. And, you know, you’ve made me a better candidate.

Sanders: I never let you forget your Wall Street money — you don’t just represent the 1 percent. You are the 1 percent! You’re not one of us, you’re one of them.

Clinton: We are both for the people, Bernie. And we can’t let Donald Trump cast a spell, poisoning the well for the people. It takes two to stop him, me and you. In that order. That’s why I’m asking you to be my running mate.

Sanders: What did you even do with $600,000 for three speeches?

Clinton: Have you seen pictures of Chelsea’s wedding?

Bernie: What does Bill say about us?

Clinton: Bill thinks we’re a match made in heaven! He’s got it all figured out, state by state. He’s the one who told me I need you to win Ohio.

Bernie: For what?

Clinton: Authenticity. Look at my hair, look at your hair. Mine looks different every day, you have the same cut, the same color. Wow, just wow. Your base really trusts you. They really like you. Heck, they love you! Mine are lukewarm.

Sanders: You’re likable enough, Hillary.

Clinton: I’m not that bad. When I let my hair down. I’ve got a great laugh. But you know, Bernie, it’s bigger than us.

Sanders: You think this is your time. 2016 has your name on it.

Clinton: My destiny. I was the head girl of my generation. Earned the best of everything. Wellesley, Yale Law, Bill. That’s how we frame this thing: Who brings out the best in us versus the worst in us?

Sanders: We? The Senate’s probably more fun than vice president. I’m hunting larger game than that.

Clinton: Why don’t you break up with the NRA and start sticking with me. There aren’t that many hunters in Vermont. The party needs us to come together to fight a common enemy.

Sanders: Tell me again why you voted for the Iraq War?

Clinton: Not now, Bernie, not now. Let’s look forward. Forward is the Wisconsin state motto. Our next battleground.

Sanders: What’s worse, it took you a dozen years to apologize — kind of. When we meet in the City of Brotherly Love —

Clinton: And the City of Sisterly Affection — copy your darling Susan Sarandon! This is textbook. Your supporters need to see you supporting me. By my side. A champion for Hillary. You moved me to the left, and you made me play my best, like five sets at Wimbledon. In a weird way, Bernie, we’re good together! You deserve this. History’s invitation cannot be refused.

Sanders: I’ll be your running mate if you’ll be mine. May the best — one of us — win.

Clinton: (throaty laugh) We’re all in this together, Senator Sanders. The Head Girl and the Revolutionary.

Sanders: So glad we cleared the air. But don’t count your delegates before they’re hatched.

Clinton: See thee in the Quaker City — Philadelphia!

Sanders: Where the sound of Brooklyn will fill the air. Farewell!

 

To find out more about Jamie Stiehm and read features by other Creators writers and cartoonists, visit Creators.com.

Photo: Flickr user cherryblossomwatch.

Start your day with National Memo Newsletter

Know first.

The opinions that matter. Delivered to your inbox every morning

Jeff Danziger lives in New York City. He is represented by CWS Syndicate and the Washington Post Writers Group. He is the recipient of the Herblock Prize and the Thomas Nast (Landau) Prize. He served in the US Army in Vietnam and was awarded the Bronze Star and the Air Medal. He has published eleven books of cartoons and one novel. Visit him at DanzigerCartoons.

Political Spending At Trump Properties Plunges Sharply

Reprinted with permission from ProPublica

The number of federal political committees that have spent money in the first half of 2021 at Trump Organization properties has dropped dramatically from the same period two years ago, Federal Election Commission filings show. Those continuing to spend: a smaller circle of loyal supporters of former President Donald Trump and candidates jockeying for his favor in contested Republican primaries.

Keep reading... Show less
x

Close