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Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

Bernie Sanders celebrated his landslide victory in New Hampshire by making a special appearance with Stephen Colbert, and helped to open the show: “You’ve got to follow your hearts, go your own way. The revolution is possible — you are the revolution — and this time, the revolution will literally be televised.”

Bernie also sat down on the couch, and talked about his appeal to the idealism of young voters, as contrasted with the cynicism and fear-mongering of Donald Trump. And as a special bonus, he pointed out that Bill O’Reilly has threatened to move out of the country if he wins: “So electing me is a twofer!”

Jimmy Fallon also featured a “Bernie Sanders” of sorts, with a special reenactment of Bernie’s victory speech.

Trevor Noah went over the results for all the candidates — and explained that both Sanders and Trump made history in their own way: “Bernie Sanders became the first Jewish person to win a presidential primary — while Donald Trump became the first pile of old garbage covered in old vodka sauce to win a presidential primary.”

Larry Wilmore played back Marco Rubio’s confession to his supporters that disappointing result was all on him, after he did so badly on Saturday night, and his promises that it won’t happen again. “Fun fact,” Larry observed. “That sound bite is ten times more fun if you imagine he’s sitting up in bed saying the exact same thing.”

Seth Meyers sought to dispel the idea that the two insurgent winners in New Hampshire, Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump, are in any way similar: “The only things they have in common is they are both bad at using combs — and they both pronounce it, ‘yuge.'”

Conan O’Brien observed a crucial statistic from the exit polls: “In New Hampshire, 64 percent of Republicans want to ban Muslims from entering the U.S. — 64 percent. The other 36 percent are familiar with the Constitution.”

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For a long time, inflation has been the phantom of the American economy: often expected but never seen. But the latest Consumer Price Index, which showed that prices rose by five percent from May of last year to May of this year, raises fears that it is breaking down the front door and taking over the guest room.

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