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The late night shows were dominated Wednesday by Donald Trump’s bizarre combination victory speech, press conference — and infomercial for Trump products.

The Daily Show‘s Jordan Klepper stood by his own table of Trump merchandise, and gave his verdict on all of Trump’s claims of great branding success: “They’re crap, they’re just crap, all right. Trump Airlines was s#$t — the business defaulted, it was sold off; Trump Water is just generic water he slapped his name on; Trump University’s a joke. I mean, I spent all night looking into this stuff. Spoiler Alert: It’s all bulls#$t.”

The Daily Show with Trevor Noah
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Stephen Colbert declared: “That’s right, Trump gave his victory speech next to a pyramid of raw steak. He was either trying to prove Mitt wrong — or introducing his new running mate, ‘Trump/Pile of Meat 2016.’ Good luck telling them apart. It was like watching an infomercial — if he’s elected, this would make Trump the first president to come with a sticker, ‘As Seen On TV.'”

James Corden said of Trump’s wines: “The only thing I can imagine being worse than Trump 2016, is a bottle of 2016 Trump. Also, you can tell that it’s Trump’s winery — because they only sell white.”

Conan O’Brien also looked at the primary result in Michigan: “Almost 40 percent of people who voted for John Kasich said they did so because they don’t like the other guys — which explains his new campaign slogan: ‘John Kasich, the lesser of four evils.'”

And on The Nightly Show, Larry Wilmore and Mike Yard looked at the zaniest new meme in the presidential contest: the accusation that Ted Cruz is secretly the Zodiac Killer! (Not even the facts that Ted Cruz was born in 1970, but the Zodiac killings began in 1968, aren’t stopping this one.) But as Mike pointed out, Ted does want to kill — a lot of government agencies that play an important role in real people’s lives.

Poll: Most Parents Oppose Rapid School Reopening

Numerous local school systems around the country are plowing ahead with plans to resume in-person instruction despite growing evidence that children are just as capable of spreading the coronavirus as adults.

Classes were set to begin on Monday in Baker County, Florida. Masks for students will be optional, not required. "It looks like it's back to normal this morning, honestly," a local television reporter observed as parents dropped their kids off in the morning. Many students wore no face coverings.

The Trump administration and the GOP have pushed for full reopening of schools for months."Schools in our country should be opened ASAP," Donald Trump tweeted in May. "Much very good information now available."

"SCHOOLS MUST OPEN IN THE FALL!!!" he reiterated on July 6.

"The science and data is clear: children can be safe in schools this fall, and they must be in school this fall," demanded Rep. Andy Biggs (R-AZ) on Aug. 1.

"I believe our schools can, and should rise to the occasion of re-opening for in-person education this fall," agreed Rep. Andy Harris (R-MD) two days later.

"The CDC and Academy of Pediatrics agree: We can safely get students back in classrooms," tweeted House Minority Whip Steve Scalise (R-LA) last Tuesday.

But while Scalise, Mike Pence, and Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos have all cited the American Academy of Pediatrics in their arguments for reopening, a new study by the group and the Children's Hospital Association raises red flags about how safe that will be.

Their report found 338,982 reported coronavirus cases in children as of July 30 in the United States. Between July 16 and July 30, the nation saw a 40% increase — 97,078 new infected children.

Last week, a high school student in an Atlanta suburb posted a photo online showing few students wearing masks in a crowded school hallway. Since that time, at least six students and three adult employees in the school have reportedly contracted the coronavirus, and the school temporarily has switched to online classes.

Another Georgia school district has already seen at least 13 students and staff members test positive since reopening a week ago.

A recent study in South Korea found that children aged ten and older spread the coronavirus at the same rates adults do. A separate study in Chicago suggested young kids might also be effective spreaders.

These contradict the false claims made by Trump and his administration that kids have an "amazing" near immunity to COVID-19.

"If you look at children, children are almost — and I would almost say definitely, but almost immune from this disease, so few. They've got stronger, hard to believe, and I don't know how you feel about it, but they have much stronger immune systems than we do somehow for this," Trump told Fox News on Wednesday.

"You got to open the schools. They have a stronger immune system even than you have or I have," he told Barstool Sports on July 23. "It's amazing. You look at the percentage, it's a tiny percentage of one percent. And in that one case, I mean, I looked at a couple of cases. If you have diabetes, if you have, you know, problems with something, but the kids are in great shape." Children have made up nearly nine percent of all cases, even with schools mostly closed.

And DeVos incorrectly said in a July 16 interview, "More and more studies show that kids are actually stoppers of the disease and they don't get it and transmit it themselves."

In early July, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention issued guidelines for how schools could operate more safely during the pandemic.

Trump publicly ridiculed the guidelines, dismissing them as "very tough & expensive" and "very impractical."

Published with permission of The American Independent Foundation.