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Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

On Saturday Night Live’s cold open, Sarah Huckabee Sanders (Aidy Bryant) sets a certain fabulous tone at the press podium when she claims that a million women showed up in the streets to “celebrate the president’s first kick-ass year in office…We did it, girls!”

Even so, none of the goggling reporters is ready for what the White House is trying to promoe as Trump’s honest and true medical exam. “I have again asked Dr. Ronny Jackson (Beck Bennett) to come out here and tell you how NOT fat the president is.”

After Dr. Jackson extols Trump’s “rockin’ bod” and its “gorgeous Coke-bottle waist,” a reporter (Cecily Strong) rises: “Some people are saying these results are fabricated because they’ve taken even one look at the president.” Another (Kate McKinnon) inquires about the cognitive exam that Trump boasted about passing — which the physician describes as a test “we typically only give to make sure someone isn’t severely brain-damaged or a monkey in people clothes.”

It’s almost as funny as the real exam results.

 

Donald Trump Jr.

Screenshot from Twitter

You've probably heard about Donald Trump's claim that his Democratic rival got "a big fat se onhot in the ass" before delivering a nearly perfect performance on a recently televised town hall. Or his more recent demand that Joe Biden get a "drug test" before their debate on Tuesday night. Having spent months lowering expectations for Biden, the Trumps are now busily defaming him as a junkie.

But that particular slur backfired spectacularly over the weekend when the Trump campaign posted a bizarre video of Don Jr. -- seemingly in a condition that called for rehab services. As his father might put it, "many people are saying" that the presidential spud looked and sounded like someone abusing a controlled substance. (His slurred message was disturbed too, something about an "army of able-bodied men and women" to intimidate voters).

It's both funny and sad to watch Don Jr. decompensate on Twitter. (More funny, though.)

Click and judge his condition for yourself.