Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:
5. Ted Nugent
Having completed his “black power tour,” which went just about as well as could be expected, right-wing pseudo-celebrity Ted Nugent is returning to his favorite pastime: Lying about the presidency.
In this case, the lie in question is that Nugent himself could hold the office.
In an interview Monday with Detroit radio station WCSX, Nugent explained, “I’m being pushed pretty hard to run for public office.”
“I believe my sense of logic, my sense of common sense, my connection to people who are in the asset column of America… I believe that I would perform an enormous upgrade in returning to the Constitution, the Bill of Rights and most important of all: accountability,” said the man who defecated in his pants to avoid military service.
He also added, without a shred of irony, that “politics in America are very embarrassing right now.”
By the way, for those of you keeping score at home, Nugent should have been dead or in jail about seven months ago.
4. Bryan Fischer
Bryan Fischer returns to the list at number four, for warning that Michelle Obama is inviting “demons into the White House.”
The First Lady’s latest offense is hosting a celebration for Diwali, the Hindu “festival of lights,” at the White House. According to Fischer, Hinduism is “a counterfeit religion,” and “in essence, an occult religion.”
“It ultimately represents the doctrine of demons, that is what you have with Hinduism, and now this is being celebrated in the White House,” Fischer raged.
Video of his comments is below; the portion on Mrs. Obama begins around the 2:30 mark:
Fischer went on to reiterate his call for a Christian president to hold an exorcism to “spiritually cleanse” the White House of the Obamas’ demonic spirits in 2016. As Kyle Mantala notes at Right Wing Watch, “We assume that Fischer called for the White House to be similarly cleansed after President George W. Bush left office, since he did the same thing.“
3. San Antonio Tea Party
Photo: Raw Processor via Flickr
The San Antonio Tea Party continued a long tradition of mixing Texas politics with insane United Nations conspiracy theories this week, when it warned of a second Battle of the Alamo: the UN vs. the Tea Party.
“Texans should be aware that San Antonio Mayor Julian Castro may have started a new ‘battle of the Alamo.’ He has made some initial moves to allow the United Nations to influence and even manage the Alamo,” San Antonio Tea Party president George Rodriguez warned in late September. He was referring to the United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization’s decision to grant World Heritage status to the famed memorial.
“It is ironic that while many Texans across the state talk about the dangers of the UN’s Agenda 21, the Alamo, the very symbol of Texas liberty and freedom, may fall under U.N. influence,” he added.
The rumor stayed safely contained within the right-wing bubble until this week, when it was picked up by — you guessed it — conspiracy king Alex Jones.
“A blue UN flag may fly above the historic shrine of liberty once it falls under UN control,” Jones’ InfoWars warned, adding that the UN may restrict public access to the site “due to ‘environmental concerns,'” and that “sovereign jurisdiction means little when governments and the UN are completely interconnected.”
The outrage grew loud enough that Texas land commissioner Jerry Patterson — who is presumably aware that Mayor Castro’s office has literally nothing to do with the state-run national park, and that the UN is no more likely to seize control of the Alamo than it is to take over fellow UNESCO World Heritage sites like the Statue of Liberty and the Grand Canyon — felt compelled to dispel the rumors.
“Horse hockey,” Patterson said in a Texas-flavored statement.
Luckily for Patterson, Jones has already moved on to the next crazy conspiracy.
2. Erik Rush
WorldNetDaily’s craziest conspiracy theorist, Erik Rush, is back with another uniquely absurd warning about the evil Obama administration: The president, “in true community-organizer fashion,” is collaborating with the media to create a “‘false flag’ racial incident.”
In his latest column, Rush explains that “It’s been reported that in recent weeks that President Obama has conducted meetings with ‘select’ members of the press.” Unsurprisingly, Rush is “inclined toward suspicion” at the reports.
“Is it possible that our propagandist-in-chief ‘innocently’ impressed upon certain starry-eyed, Obama-worshiping journalists how tenuous he believes things are with regard to race in order to manipulate them into bringing these issues to the collective top of mind through their reporting?” Rush asks. “Further, might he be doing so as a precursor to some manner of ‘false flag’ racial incident or incidents that are in the works?”
“Should some high profile, highly unpleasant race-related incident occur in the near future, it wouldn’t be the first time such a thing happened at a juncture that proved to be advantageous to the administration,” the Fox News contributor darkly warns.
Of course, Rush didn’t explain why exactly a “false flag racial incident” would help the president. But why would he? As Rush declared when he accused President Obama of being a serial killer back in July, evidence is for liberals.
1. Glenn Beck
This week’s “winner” is once again Glenn Beck, who has apparently given up his normal brand of conspiracy-laden outrage, and is now just getting paid to play with dolls.
That’s not a joke; on the Wednesday edition of Beck’s show, he literally played with toys for 10 minutes while delivering a monologue that very tangentially compared American politics to the Wizard of Oz. He eventually explains that Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY) is the Good Witch of the North, the NSA is the Wicked Witch of the West, Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) is the Scarecrow, Senator John McCain (R-AZ) is the Tin Man, and House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) is the Cowardly Lion.
The good folks at PunditFact will presumably rate this bit of political analysis as “WTF did I just watch?”
Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments!