Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:
5. Mike Huckabee
If you love Rick Santorum’s disgust for birth control, but wish he were just a bit more condescending towards women, then the Republican National Committee has the candidate for you!
At the RNC’s annual winter meeting on Thursday, former Arkansas governor and 2008 presidential candidate Mike Huckabee made the following attempt to prove that Republicans are in fact waging a war for women:
If the Democrats want to insult the women of America by making them believe that they are helpless without Uncle Sugar coming in and providing for them a prescription each month for birth control, because they cannot control their libido or their reproductive system without the help of the government, then so be it… Let us take that discussion all across America, because women are far more than the Democrats have played them to be.
Any discussion of “Uncle Sugar” tricking women into promiscuity is crazy, but here’s what puts Huckabee’s comments over the top: They were part of his prepared remarks. In other words, someone read the speech and decided “Yeah, the libido section is perfect, let’s move on.”
Meanwhile, somewhere in Wyoming, Foster Friess is presumably writing a huge check to Huckabee 2016.
4. Susanne Atanus
(Image via Chicago Daily Herald)
In what may have been an effort to prove that men aren’t the only Republicans who can terrify American women, congressional candidate Susanne Atanus shared her…unique take on the cause of disease and natural disasters during an interview with the Chicago Daily Herald.
The Herald reports:
“I am a conservative Republican and I believe in God first,” Atanus said. She said she believes God controls the weather and has put tornadoes and diseases such as autism and dementia on earth as punishment for gay rights and legalized abortions.
“God is angry. We are provoking him with abortions and same-sex marriage and civil unions,” she said. “Same-sex activity is going to increase AIDS. If it’s in our military it will weaken our military. We need to respect God.”
Unfortunately, Atanus did not clarify whether diabetes is caused by over-reliance on Uncle Sugar.
Happily for the citizens of Illinois’ 9th congressional district, incumbent Jan Schakowsky (D) has never received less than 66 percent of the vote in her eight congressional campaigns — so Atanus is rather unlikely to be joining Jim Inhofe in Congress’ “science is mainly about making God happy” caucus any time soon.
3. Ted Nugent
Ted Nugent, who earned headlines this week for yet another offensive rant against President Obama (whom he called a “subhuman mongrel“) checks in at number three not for his racism, but for a piece of political punditry that’s ridiculous even by his stupid standards.
In Nugent’s latest column for reliably crazy WorldNetDaily, the draft-dodging racist offers a novel solution to the Republican Party’s problems: “Put Steve Stockman in charge.”
“Congressman Stockman is a legislative street-fighting man who stands solidly for our sacred Second Amendment,” Nugent writes. “Should the GOP leadership ever wish to know how to act like a political party with titanium testicles, they would be wise to give Stockman the gavel and let him hold real conservative court.”
You may think that Nugent is only suggesting that Stockman take the reins to repay the congressman for inviting him to last year’s State of the Union Address. But as Nugent makes clear, he already repaid that debt with his amazing public relations skills.
“Following the Community-Organizer-in-Chief’s masterful smoke and mirrors speech, I held media court where I dutifully played the bongo drums on the empty heads of anti-gun numbnuts with flailing ball peen hammers of truth and logic,” Nugent claims. “Clearly, it’s my ‘we the people’ job, and I’ve honed my delivery to a razor-sharp edge over these many years, practicing relentlessly on clueless hippies and Mao fans across the hinterland. I eagerly await a real challenge.”
Just in case you still aren’t sold on the idea of putting Stockman in charge of the GOP, Nugent offers one more incentive: “It goes without saying that Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert” is on board.
Sign me up! As soon as someone finds Stockman, that is (the congressman has missed 17 consecutive votes).
2. Glenn Beck
It’s been another busy week for This Week In Crazy MVP Glenn Beck.
On Wednesday, Beck took on New York governor Andrew Cuomo’s recent remark that “extreme conservatives…have no place in the state of New York.” But instead of suggesting that the right “go Galt” and leave the state, as you may have expected based on his own Randian fantasies, Beck instead compared Cuomo to Bill Nye the Science Guy… whom he then compared to those who tried to silence Galileo.
As you remind yourself that Bill Nye and Galileo are both scientists, while Beck is a guy who thinks that the Terminator movies are “science fact,” turn your attention to Beck’s Wednesday interview with Family Research Council president Tony Perkins — which was somehow even crazier.
During his discussion with the hate group leader, Beck shared a theory for why his “non-partisan” television network, The Blaze, is struggling to break into the cable TV market.
If you guessed that demons are to blame, you’re correct (and you may be Gordon Klingenschmitt).
“You also have other forces at work that aren’t necessarily earthly forces that would like to see voices silenced,” Beck darkly warned Perkins.
Personally, I can think of a few other reasons that cable networks are shying away from America’s least-accurate prophet.
1. Joshua Black
Plenty of Republican politicians accuse President Obama of committing crimes — up to and including treason — but most stop short of suggesting that he be put to death for his “offenses.”
But this week’s “winner,” Joshua Black, is not most politicians.
Black, the Republican candidate for Florida House District 68, tweeted the following on Monday afternoon:
— Joshua Black 2014 (@JoshuaBlack2014) January 20, 2014
Happy Martin Luther King Day!
After facing widespread criticism for suggesting that we hang the President of the United States, Black took to Facebook to suggest that Jesus wants Obama dead, too:
Black’s comments cleared the incredibly sad threshold of “too embarrassing for Florida,” leading politicians from both parties — including Governor Rick Scott — to call for him to leave the race. So far, Black has refused.
His attack also earned him a visit from the Secret Service, which can only mean one thing: A WorldNetDaily column is right around the corner.
Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments!