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Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

5. Glenn Beck

Right-wing media king Glenn Beck makes his regular appearance in This Week In Crazy with another typically hyperbolic warning to the world: “The Nazis are here.”

Beck made the claim while discussing the violence in Egypt on his Thursday radio show. “It is the Night of Broken Glass,” Beck declared. “The Nazis are here. They have finally walked through that door.”

In true Beck fashion, he became increasingly emotional during his speech, before breaking down in tears and begging for forgiveness from his audience “for being this guy” who interrupts their Thursday with warnings about Muslim Brotherhood Nazis. Towards the end of the speech, a more subdued Beck simply repeated “the hour grows late.”

Of course, Beck’s claim that the Muslim Brotherhood is actually the next Nazi Party would be a lot more convincing if he hadn’t made the same claim about President Obama…and Michael Bloomberg…and Al Gore…and the Peace Corps…and a flight attendant who was mean to him…

4. Wayne LaPierre

Wayne_LaPierre_by_Gage_Skidmore

Photo: Gage Skidmore via Flickr.com

National Rifle Association executive vice president Wayne LaPierre returns to the list with a gloriously stupid op-ed, which seeks to tie the widely-debunked IRS scandal to New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg and Senators Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and Dianne Feinstein’s (D-CA) supposed plot to confiscate all guns.

“Imagine if the biggest step in their confiscation scheme — ‘universal gun owner licensing and registration’ — were a reality,” LaPierre warns. “Acquisition, transfer or continued ownership of firearms could depend on the whim of federal bureaucrats—just like the IRS operation—in analyzing questionnaires that gun owners would be required by law to answer.”

LaPierre goes on to warn that “if we fail to stand and fight,” government bureaucrats could soon compel you to “list all other firearms you own, making sure to include serial number, make and model of each” before you could purchase another weapon.

LaPierre’s rant is generally not grounded in reality; the Senate gun reform bill that he and the NRA helped kill in the spring would not have confiscated any weapons, and a federal gun registry remains illegal under the Firearm Owners’ Protection Act of 1986.

As BuzzFeed points out, however, someone is collecting a database on gun owners. But it’s not the government — it’s the NRA.

3. Vicki Marble

vicki marble

Photo: vickimarble.com

In yet another blow to the GOP’s minority outreach attempts, Colorado state senator Vicki Marble (R-Fort Collins) stunned her colleagues on Wednesday by asserting that fried chicken is the root cause of poverty in the black community.

Speaking at a meeting of the Economic Opportunity Poverty Reduction Task Force, Marble attempted to explain the racial disparity in the poverty rate.

“When you look at life expectancy, there are problems in the black race: Sickle-cell anemia is something that comes up, diabetes is something that’s prevalent in the genetic makeup and you just can’t help it,” Marble said. “Although I’ve got to say, I’ve never had better BBQ and better chicken and ate better in my life than when you go down south and you — I love it.”

According to Senator Evie Hudak (D-Arvada), Marble’s comments caused “an audible gasp in the room.”

Not content with merely insulting black Americans, KDVR reports that “Marble went on to mention how Mexicans eat vegetables in Mexico but stop eating healthily when they emigrate to the United States.” Hey, at least she didn’t mention cantaloupes.

2. Keith Ablow

Never known to let a good tragedy go unexploited, Fox News responded to the murder of Christopher Lane by inviting Keith Ablow on air to blame the crime on Facebook, texting, SecondLife.com, and — of course — abortion.

Ablow, a widely-discredited psychiatrist who last appeared on this list for arguing that the Unabomber was right about liberals, explained his odd theory on Fox News Wednesday:

Unfortunately, Ablow’s Pat Robertson-inspired brand of punditry overlooks the most obvious explanation for the shocking crime: it’s Obama’s fault.

1. The Daily Caller

obama dogs

Official White House Photo: Pete Souza

The Daily Caller, Tucker Carlson’s right-wing news site (which published Wayne LaPierre’s aforementioned rant), has never been above a bit of race-baiting. But even by their standards, this is pretty ridiculous.

In a Monday column attacking the Obama family’s new puppy (it was apparently a slow day in The Daily Caller newsroom), reporter Patrick Howley brought forth this hard-hitting analysis:

“A Portuguese Water Dog can range in cost wildly. On average, one will pay between $1,400 and $2,000. President Barack Obama has this breed of animal,” according to an answer on Ask.com.

With the addition of Sunny, the Obamas now have two black Portuguese water dogs.

The Obamas do not have any white dogs.

Yes, the Obamas’ choice to get a second Portuguese Water Dog is actually part of the race war.

Could this horrible truth have had anything to do with the president murdering Bo Obama’s last dog trainer? I’ll let you know if I can find the answer on Ask.com.

Danziger Draws

Jeff Danziger lives in New York City. He is represented by CWS Syndicate and the Washington Post Writers Group. He is the recipient of the Herblock Prize and the Thomas Nast (Landau) Prize. He served in the US Army in Vietnam and was awarded the Bronze Star and the Air Medal. He has published eleven books of cartoons and one novel. Visit him at DanzigerCartoons.