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Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

5. Rush Limbaugh

After video emerged of Ray Rice knocking his then-fiancée unconscious in an Atlantic City hotel elevator, it was only a matter of time before Rush Limbaugh threw his ample weight into the national discussion over domestic violence.

It went just about as poorly as you’d think.

During the Tuesday edition of his radio show, Limbaugh explained the silver lining that he saw in the horrific incident: It proved that feminism doesn’t exist.

“What this illustrates is what I’ve always said about feminism,” Limbaugh explained. “It’s artificial, it isn’t real, because men and women aren’t equal.”

“The outrage that’s occurred here is natural. It’s as it should be,” he added. “And it points out the differences that exist by nature between men and women that they can’t change.”

Surprisingly, Limbaugh’s new argument is actually a waddle in the right direction. Back in July, his first thought on the assault was “how bad could it have been?”
4. A.J. Delgado

Surprisingly, Limbaugh didn’t even have right-wing radio’s worst response to the Rice assault. That “honor” belongs to National Review writer A.J. Delgado, who used a Wednesday night appearance on The Sean Hannity show to explain that “Ray Rice is the bigger victim of domestic violence here.”

“Some might say I’m defending Ray Rice here. Maybe I am, but if you watch the video, the video actually makes him look better than he did before,” Delgado said. “She repeatedly attacked him. He’s a victim — flat-out fact — of domestic violence. Only after she’s hit him several times and spit on him does he finally hit back.”

“And she happens because of that blow to knock herself out on the railing,” she added. “That was an unintended consequence, I’m sure.”

Much like Limbaugh, Delgado is no stranger to writing horrible things about women. Back in May, she wrote that many rape victims were not actually assaulted, but were just brainwashed by liberals.

3. Pat Robertson

Televangelist and anti-computer freedom fighter Pat Robertson checks in at number three, for explaining what really causes homosexuality.

In a rambling answer to a question from a viewer who doesn’t know what to do about her gay daughter, Robertson offered two possible explanations: Either she was “molested,” or she was confused by a “girl-on-girl” movie.

“The girl-on-girl movies, more and more and more, they’re getting straight actresses to play lesbians and straight men to play homosexuals,” he lamented. “And if you say anything about homosexuality, you are just hooted out of court.”

Quick, someone get Steve Deace on the case!

2. Jonathan Cahn

From panicking that scheduled internet outages must be part of a massive conspiracy, to promising a shootout against “4th world allahpuke zombies,” plenty of members of the right-wing fringe picked horrible ways to mark the 13th anniversary of the September 11 attacks. But none was worse than messianic rabbi Jonathan Cahn.

During an appearance on Sid Roth’s It’s Supernatural, Cahn explained what really caused the attacks: Abortion.

According to Cahn, human history can be explained by “the year of the Shemitah,” which occurs every seven years in the Hebrew calendar, and serves as an opportunity for God to judge nations. In 1973 — a Shemitah year — America “legalized the killing of its children.” So naturally, in 2011, God decided to send terrorists to attack New York City.

9/11 occured “at the peak of the Shemitah, the last week, the day of nullifying — and actually, the collapse of the towers creates the collapse of Wall Street, which means the timing of 9/11 was determined by the mystery of the Shemitah,” he warned.

Who can protect us from the mysteries of the Shemita? Maybe House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), who’s apparently a fan of Cahn’s crazy work.

”Boehner

1. Ben Carson

This week’s “winner” is Presidential Medal of Freedom winner and genuine crazy person Dr. Ben Carson, who is apparently determined to make the 2016 presidential primaries even more bizarre than 2012.

Carson’s busy week started on Tuesday, when he told Newsmax TV host (and former U.S. congressman) J.D. Hayworth that President Obama is basically Hitler (again).

“Read Mein Kampf” if you want to understand President Obama, Carson advised. “And read the works of Vladimir Lenin.”

But Carson wasn’t done there. On Wednesday, he charged that in addition to being a Nazi, Obama is also a socialist and a communist.

Thankfully, Carson went on to explain, Fox News saved us from disaster.

“If there were no Fox News and if there was no conservative radio, we would already be Cuba,” he insisted.

Then, for good measure, Carson — who is one of the most decorated and successful neurosurgeons in history — dismissed the theory of evolution as an absurd hoax.

“Somebody says that [the human brain] came from a slime pit full of promiscuous biochemicals? I don’t think so,” he insisted. “Give me a break.”

Ted Cruz and company are officially on notice: The road to extreme right-wing glory in 2016 runs through Dr. Carson.

Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments!

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Former Navy Secretary Sean O'Keefe

Photo Credit: NASA/Joel Kowsky

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