The National  Memo Logo

Smart. Sharp. Funny. Fearless.

Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

President Joe Biden

Former defeated President Trump was notorious for giving nicknames to any leader or official whom he didn’t care for, preferably over Twitter in some garbled rant. Whether calling Joe Biden “Sleepy Joe,” Hillary Clinton “Crooked Hillary,” or North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un “Rocketman,” the fact remains that hacky nicknames were Trump’s specialty. But what about President Joe Biden?

We all know Biden’s love for old-time expressions that only grandpas would say, including “Malarkey,” but what we don’t really know is what nicknames, if any, Biden uses to mock his rivals. He seems to like calling Fox News’ Peter Doocy a “stupid son-of-a-b#tch,” which isn't inaccurate. That really begs the question of what nicknames Biden might secretly have for Russian President Vladimir Putin, especially now that US-Russia relations are at an all-time low.

1. Vladdy Cakes

Sometimes it really seems like Putin is nothing but a moldering corpse inside a meat suit. He's sort of like Mark Zuckerberg but far more evil. Calling him Vladdy Cakes seems to slightly personalize the evil autocrat.

2. Putin on the Fritz

We've all seen Mel Brook's Young Frankenstein and the famous "Puttin On the Ritz" scene, but Vlad might actually be even more monstrous and glitchy than Victor's Frankenstein, hence Putin on the Fritz. Get it?


3. Pouty Patootie

When Russia's dictatorial leader is not perpetually frowning, he almost looks like he's pouting. You know, like if one of his generals doesn't bring him back a bunch of Ukrainian corpses, he'll immediately start to pout.

4. A$hole Riot

Pussy Riot, a Russian feminist protest punk rock and performance art group based in Moscow, has had plenty of issues with Putin over the years. The group gained global fame when five members of the group staged a performance inside Moscow's Cathedral of Christ the Saviour on February 21, 2012. The women said their protest was directed at the Orthodox Church leaders' support for Putin during his election campaign. So Biden can play off the name of this wildly popular Russian band in a snarky nickname for Putin.


5. The Longtable Loon

Although poisoning journalists and having his political opponents suddenly disappear are among Putin's favorite activities, he seems to favor those super long tables that look straight out of Game of Thrones. So why riff on of his weird affinity for long tables with this simple but effective nickname?

Michael Hayne is a comedian, writer, voice artist, podcaster, and impressionist. Follow his work on Facebook and TikTok

Advertising

Start your day with National Memo Newsletter

Know first.

The opinions that matter. Delivered to your inbox every morning

Jessica Cisneros

It’s a race that has some Democratic voters scratching their heads: a young, progressive primary challenger versus a pro-life, conservative Democrat who received an A-rating from the NRA. The primary race between one of the most conservative Democrats in the House, Representative Henry Cuellar, and Jessica Cisneros has become a lightning rod within the Democratic Party.

Cuellar declared victory, but as of Wednesday morning, major media outlets have said the race is too close to call. He is just a couple hundred votes ahead of his Cisneros in Texas' 28th Congressional District primary. When neither candidate won a majority in the March 1 primary, the two highest vote-getters faced each other in Tuesday's run-off election.

Keep reading... Show less

School shooting in Uvalde, Texas

Youtube Screenshot

Fox News responded to the school shooting in Uvalde, Texas, by interviewing experts who pushed controversial, counterproductive models to reduce gun violence in schools. One of these experts advocated for introducing more weapons into schools through arming teachers and staff, a policy firmly rejected by teachers unions and researchers. Another called for increased active shooter response trainings-- a service his company provides -- which have also been found to be ineffective at preventing casualties.

As news out of Uvalde was still developing, Fox News’ Jesse Watters invited Laura Carno -- the executive director of FASTER Colorado, which advocates for arming school staff -- on his show, where she compared arming teachers and other school personnel to arming pilots. “We all feel really comfortable with the armed pilot program, where some pilots are armed on some flights,” Carno said. “We don't know which ones, and we feel pretty good about that. It's a very similar kind of thing to armed school staff programs.”

Keep reading... Show less
{{ post.roar_specific_data.api_data.analytics }}