The National  Memo Logo

Smart. Sharp. Funny. Fearless.

Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

#EndorseThis: Kimmel Reveals What Trump's Own Family Thinks Of Him

Jimmy Kimmel has been reading Confidence Man by New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman, and the late night comic was amused to learn that Trump intended to fire daughter-bride Ivanka and her husband, Jared Kushner, who were both White House advisers, on Twitter.

“Haberman wrote that Trump was racist. He assumed staffers who weren’t white at the White House were waiters,” noted Kimmel. “He was homophobic. He was transphobic. He had problems dealing with female leaders of other countries. He called Angela Merkel a ‘bitch.’”

It isn't just normal Americans who were appalled by Trump. So were those closest to him.

“According to this book, everyone who worked at the White House ― including his family ― thought Trump was a dangerous, unpredictable child,” Kimmel said. Then, calling them out, "“On behalf of all of us, I just want to say ‘thank you’ to those brave men and women who kept that information to themselves and away from the American people who could have removed him from office."

Watch the entire segment below:


#Endorse This: John Oliver Warns About That 'Trump Clone' In Brazil

Last Week Tonight's John Oliver took aim at a "Trump clone" who threatens the future of the world.

Oliver was tagging Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro, who pursues far-right policies while quite literally encouraging the relentless destruction of Amazon rainforests. Bolsonaro's challenger, former President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva or Lula, as he is affectionately known appears to be ahead in the polls and likely to win.

Yet many Brazilians fear that Bolsonaro, imitating Trump may not accept election results and even refuse to give up power. Oliver noted a troubling difference between the United States and Brazil, which is a former military dictatorship.

“Luckily for us,” Oliver said, “Trump’s allies were generally limited to a shirtless man in a fur hat, a perpetually hoarse pillow baron, and some of his dumber children. But Bolsonaro has significant military support…. Generally, when someone threatens democracy, it’s a lot easier to say, ‘You and what army?’ when you’re absolutely certain that person doesn’t have an actual army behind them.”

Funny and scary -- just click to watch.


Endorse This: Colbert Knows Who Called January 6 Rioter From White House

After the House Select Committee revealed a perplexing nine-second phone call from the White House to a rioter on January 6, 2021, many have speculated who placed the call from inside the White House. We already know the call was placed to Anton Lu, a deplorable Trump humper from Brooklyn, NY who pled guilty to one riot charge earlier this year.

But Late Show host Stephen Colbert still wonders who made that call from the White House.

"We don't know who made the call but we do know the call lasted only nine seconds," said Colbert. Then he gave his own impression of Trump making that fateful call: " Is your refrigerator running? Well, then you better catch Mike Pence and hang him."

And of course there's much more.

Watch the entire segment below:


Endorse This! Colbert Hits Trump Where It Hurts Most

We all know that President Trump's artificially tanned skin is as thin as the pseudo-hair on his head -- and if there's any topic that really irks him, it's the question of his fake "billionaire" status.

“The one thing he hates more than anything is people hearing he’s not as rich he claims he is,” said Stephen Colbert during his latest monologue.

Colbert evidently noted that New York Attorney General Letitia James has accused Trump and his entire family of “staggering” fraud that involves drastically inflating the value of his assets, especially his Mar-a-Lago home.

Hilariously, Trump claimed the Florida estate is worth $739 million -- while James estimates the actual value as just one-tenth of that number. That's a lot of money to store classified documents with ketchup all over them. And Colbert appeared to pick up on that as well.

“Well, of course, it’s worth less now,” he quipped. “The FBI took away all the most re-sellable documents.”

Watch the entire segment below:


#Endorse This: Cedric The Entertainer Drops Truth Bomb On Herschel Walker

Herschel Walker has said some pretty epically dumb things, which totally explains why Donald Trump endorsed him in Georgia's U.S. Senate race. Which tempted Cedric the Entertainer to roast the Republican football legend in an ad sponsored by Progress Action Fund.

“We got big election stuff coming up right now. I need everybody to get involved,” Cedric says. “We got to stop; we got to fight against the ignorance that’s going on out there, especially in the state of Georgia. Lord, you know they said life is like a box of chocolates? Well, Hershey’s Walker is one of these chocolates that you don’t want. You know the ones where you get a box of chocolates and you, like, [gagging]? That’s him. I mean, the man is ridiculous, dog.”

Cedric would go on to compare Walker to Marjorie Taylor Greene, another bat-sh*t crazy Georgia Republicans

“I mean, some of the stuff he is saying — we just got to be very concerned about the educational system, one. Two: We already got senators that’s, like, you know, Marjorie Taylor, that’s crazier than a mug."

Watch the entire spot below:

#Endorse This: Kimmel Torches Crazy Trump And His QAnon Cult

Last night Jimmy Kimmel tore into Donald Trump’s open embrace of the QAnon conspiracy loons at his latest rally, which featured the music associated with the movement. And no, it's not Patsy Cline's "Crazy."

As the Qanon song played, Trump fans held up a single finger.

“That means one, which is their average IQ, I think,” Kimmel joked. “It would seem that Trump has now fully embraced the lunacy because these are the only people who still believe there’s a conspiracy against him,” he said. “Things are getting very crazy out there.”

Nothing but Qanonsense!

Watch the entire segment below:

Endorse This! Colbert Blasts Ron DeSantis Over Airlift Of Migrants

Stephen Colbert blasted Ron DeSantis on Thursday night’s Late Show after the Florida governor dispatched two planes full of Venezuelan asylum seekers to Martha’s Vineyard.

“Hey, Ron, if you’re trying to discourage illegal immigration, maybe don’t send people to one of the loveliest places in New England just in time for leaf-peeping season,” quipped Colbert.

“Of course, DeSantis wasn’t sending these folks to the Vineyard to have a good time. He was human trafficking these families as a political stunt.”

But that stunt blew up in Ron's face when, instead of complaining, the local residents immediately came together to provide food, shelter, healthcare, legal assistance, and even a play area for migrant children.

“Yes, DeSantis owned those libs by making them look compassionate. Just like that cuck Jesus. Send that guy a truckload of lepers, see how he likes it."

Of course Colbert didn't stop there. Just click for his full DeSantis takedown.

Watch the entire segment below:


Endorse This! Kimmel Reveals The Stupidest Thing About MAGA Republicans

If the Trump presidency (and post-presidency) has taught us anything, it's that there is no shortage of stupidity in the Republican Party, which now revolves around debunked insane conspiracies and denying the 2020 election rather than actual policy issues.

Perhaps that explains why Jimmy Kimmel was aghast over a new report that shows election-denying pro-Trump Republicans will be on the ballot in half the nation during the midterm elections

.“How is this a thing?” Kimmel asked on Wednesday night's episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live. “There is literally no evidence of any kind of fraud, certainly not fraud that could’ve come anywhere close to changing the outcome of the election...And yet these lowlifes continue with this lie,” he said.

“It’s the dumbest thing. Imagine if half the Republican nominees believed that chicken is a vegetable, and just said, ‘That’s it.’ This is exactly as dumb as that.”

Watch the entire segment below:

#Endorse This: Colbert Nails Down Trump's Worst Legal Worry

Facing a litany of legal troubles following the FBI's discovery of classified government documents at Mar-a-Lago, Donald Trump is in a terrible bind. But Stephen Colbert says his worst problem is that he can't find a decent lawyer.

“His current legal team consists of a Florida insurance lawyer who’s never had a federal case, a former host at far-right One America News and a past general counsel for a parking garage company,” noted a smirking Colbert.

"Only the best and brightest people, right?" Colbert went on. "Please, Lord, I don’t ask for much, but please -- let this go to trial.”

Colbert imagines what a clown show that trial would be. Just click!

Watch the entire segment below:

Endorse This! Daily Show Floats Reason Why Eric Trump Hasn't Been Arrested

Eric Trump is known for scamming cancer-stricken children by shifting charitable funds to his own business, among other more recent offenses. The Daily Show's Trevor Noah says he knows why Eric Trump hasn't been arrested -- yet.

As Trevor notes, authorities picked up Trump’s ex-chief strategist Steve Bannon on Thursday in connection with an alleged fraud scheme that involved scamming idiots who wanted to support the construction of a wall along the U.S.-Mexico border. He was charged by New York state prosecutors after being pardoned by Trump on federal charges in 2020.

“It’s like, how many more are left? Seems like everyone around Trump has been put in cuffs,” Noah said on “The Daily Show” Thursday. “His CFO, his lawyer, his campaign manager, his other campaign manager, his campaign manager after that, his deputy campaign manager, his fundraisers, his advisers, basically every single person Donald Trump has ever met has gone to prison.” So why not Eric?

Click and chortle.


Watch the entire clip below:

#Endorse This: Kimmel Laments Don Junior's Saddest Video

Last night Jimmy Kimmel returned to the helm of his late-night show -- and immediately zeroed in on the ongoing national security crisis involving former defeated President Trump.

Perfect physical specimen? This perfect physical specimen thing is a bold claim from a man whose BMI reads like the final score of a Golden State Warriors game,” joked Kimmel, after Trump actually said he's the "perfect physical specimen."

Kimmel then moved on to the most obnoxious creature in the Trumposphere, Don Junior.

"Yes, after his dad complained about how Don Junior might be investigated on conspiracy charges at a rally for snake oil salesman Dr. Oz, Don Junior — the son of a New York City billionaire cosplaying as a member of Duck Dynasty — bragged in a video, 'I got the honorable mention. It’s nice to know that he cares, you know? He’s a tough guy… It’s always nice to see dad, you know, talking about it… it shows he cares, you know? Because there’s times where we’re just in that fight… sometimes ya miss it.'”

Watch the entire segment below:

#Endorse This: Colbert Roasts Trump's Pet Judge With Tuneful Parody​​

Late Show host Stephen Colbert came roaring back and immediately laid into the judge who ruled in favor of a “special master” for the Donald Trump classified documents case with another “fake news alerts” installment.

Colbert started the bit with a broadcast TV segment of the news, including the headline “Judge Aileen Cannon to Appoint ‘Special Master'” below mugshots of the Florida federal judge and her patron Trump, as well as images of what appeared to be pages from Cannon’s ruling. Then came a funny accordion riff of 80's hit Come On Eileen -- but with parody lyrics to play off the judge's first name.

“Oh screw you Aileen, he stole top secret things

"And then mixed theem, with Time maaaagaziiines.”


Watch the entire segment below:


#Endorse This: Dark Brandon Strikes Obnoxious Reporter Over Student Loans

In response to Donald Trump's MAGA deplorables tagging President Biden as [expletive deleted] "Brandon" following a NASCAR event, progressives have promoted a mocking meme known as "Dark Brandon."

Taking root on Reddit, Twitter, and TikTok over the past few months, Dark Brandon took the leap mainstream discourse -- especially among Biden aides -- after the president racked up another major victory with the Inflation Reduction Act. Now after wiping out $10,000-$20,000 in federal student debt, Democrats are thoroughly trolling Republicans with their heroic meme.

Meidas Touch just released a Dark Brandon video that puts an obnoxious reporter on blast for attacking Biden's efforts to help lift the burden on poverty on working Americans.

Watch the clip below:


@meidastouch Dark Brandon: Eliminator of the Student Loans, Destroyer of the Double Standards #DarkBrandon #StudentLoans #MeidasTouch ♬ original sound - MeidasTouch.com

Endorse This! Floridians Release 'Thank You, Ron Desantis' Spoof Ad

Florida Gov. Ron Desantis recently released a narcissistic ad in which the right-wing dolt reads letters supposedly thanking him for everything he’s done for the state. It's genuinely cringeworthy.

Now a group of concerned Floridians has released an update that more accurately captures the full range of sentiment toward DeSantis. The one-minute ad blasts DeSantis’ transphobic legislation, attacks on peaceful protest, and his whiny tone of victimization.

DeSantis routinely suppresses free speech and bans journalists from his town halls. All the more reason to share this withering spoof.

Watch the Ad parody below:

#Endorse This! Randy Rainbow Serenades Trump With 'Lock Him Up Yesterday'

Randy Rainbow is back with a fresh song parody, "Lock Him Up Yesterday."

Set to the tune of “Yesterday” by Paul McCartney and John Lennon, it pokes fun at Donald Trump for claiming the actual word “yesterday” is a “hard” word for him to pronounce clearly.

“Yesterday. Such a complicated word to say when his dentures start to slip away,” sings Randy. Well, if Trump is having trouble pronouncing "yesterday", then he'll stroke out trying to pronounce "espionage."

Hilarious as always and tuneful too.


Watch the entire parody below:

Endorse This! Al Franken Continues Comeback, Nails Ted Cruz

Since his much-lamented resignation from the United States Senate, Al Franken has started his own podcast, made some TV and radio appearances, and is currently on tour across the country -- but his profile rose sharply this week when he guest-hosted Jimmy Kimmel Live.

Instead of dwelling on the good news of President Biden signing the Inflation Reduction Act, Franken's monologue drilled into another existential threat facing our nation. No, not the “enormous gaps in wealth and income” nor the “threats to our democracy,” but rather a peril that has troubled him since his Senate days.

“I really think that one of the most serious issues facing our country today is just how big a dick Ted Cruz is,” he said.

“Now I’ve said it before, but I probably like Ted Cruz more than most of my colleagues like Ted Cruz, and I hate Ted Cruz,” Franken added. “Ted Cruz is probably one of the most famous senators because, as I mentioned, he’s a huge dick.”

Welcome back, Al.

Watch the entire segment below: