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Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

Endorse This! Colbert Rips Major Flaw In Supreme Court's Logic

Now that the Supreme Court has decided to ignore the will of the people on abortion with their unconstitutional reversal of Roe v. Wade, women living in red states are wondering what will come next.

Late Show host Stephen Colbert weighed in on the ruling and discovered one fundamental flaw -- turning women's freedom over to the "elected representatives."

“Have you met the people’s elected representatives?!? I have!” said Colbert, who then called out one right-wing Texas lawmaker in particular.

Louie Gohmert is one of them. I’m not sure if he knows where babies come from!”

Colbert previously dubbed Gohmert “the dumbest man alive” after the GOP lawmaker complained that Republicans aren’t allowed to lie to Congress or the FBI.

Yes, this is an actual elected representative with the power to levy taxes, vote on major legislation, and send your children to war. Texas manages to churn out the lowest bottom feeders, though perhaps that will change if Beto O'Rourke takes back the governorship.

Watch the entire segment below:

Endorse This: Colbert's Response To Right-Wing Furor Over Staff Arrests Is Epic

Stephen Colbert opened his monologue on Monday’s broadcast by addressing the recent news of a field production team for his late-night program being detained at the Capitol while filming a comedy segment involving the acerbic puppet Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. With all the actual right-wing puppets in Congress, one would think Triumph would be welcomed with open arms.

“Triumph offered to go down to D.C. to interview some Congress people to highlight some January 6 hearings,” Colbert continued. “I said, ‘Sure, if you can get anyone to agree to talk to you. Because, and please don’t take this as an insult, you’re a puppet.”

Seven people working for The Late Show With Stephen Colbert were arrested due to an unauthorized location shoot in Congress. Among those arrested was Robert Smigel, the writer and comedian behind the canine character Triumph.

Colbert said the Capitol Police were completely professional -- and took a hard shot at the despicable right-wing media for somehow drawing comparisons between this incident and violent rioters storming the Capitol to murder Vice President Mike Pence and members of Congress.

“Drawing any equivalence between rioters storming our Capitol to prevent the counting of electoral ballots and a cigar-chomping toy dog is a shameful and grotesque insult to the memory of everyone who died,” Colbert said. He went on to mercilessly mock Tucker Carlson and his other critics. You'll enjoy it!

Watch the entire segment below:


Endorse This! Kimmel Destroys 'Absentee Dad' Herschel Walker

If ever there could be an African-American version of Donald Trump, that unquestionably would be Georgia Republican senate wannabe and former football star Herschel Walker. From his constant weird lying to his verbal word salads that make Sarah Palin sound like Orwell, Walker embodies MAGA: lies, conspiracies, lack of accountability, incompetence, and ignorance.

Well, it seems we can add deadbeat dad to the mix.

Jimmy Kimmel took aim at Walker after a series of reports about multiple hidden children whom he fathered.

“Just in time for Father’s Day, we found out he has not one but three children he somehow forgot to mention,” noted Kimmel. “He has four kids and raised one of them, which is interesting because he’s a very outspoken critic of absentee fathers. He blames every societal problem on absentee dads and I guess he would know, because he is one!”

Kimmel has a few more choice words for this clown candidate.

Watch the entire segment below:


Endorse This: Colbert Says 'Come Get Me' To Proud Boy Joe Biggs

Late Show host Stephen Colbert didn't mince words last night when he delivered a message to the Proud Boys leader who mentioned his name in court.

."You are going to jail you neo-numbnut, and if you don’t like it, you can come and get me," quipped Colbert during his monologue. "Welcome to the monkey house, brother."

Apparently, Colbert's name came up in a statement from a lawyer representing Joseph Biggs, a Proud Boys leader indicted for their role in the January 6, 2021 attack on the U.S. Capitol. Biggs is charged with seditious conspiracy, a crime that carries a potential sentence of 20 years in prison. Biggs argued that his trial should be moved out of Washington D.C. due to Colbert's "negative press and media coverage about the fraternity known as the Proud Boys."

Wait, fraternity?

"Oh that's right, the Proud Boys is just a fraternity. January 6 was just hazing. I mean we all heard their chant," Colbert, 58, said Wednesday.

Watch the segment below:

Endorse This! Kimmel Lays Into Drunk Giuliani's Election Night Scheme

Jimmy Kimmel didn't waste any time laying into the latest revelation about lispy, gassy, leaky, and now tipsy Rudy Giuliani and the revelation that he was drunk on election night. Kimmel devoted his entire monologue to “Episode 2 of CSI: I Can’t Believe Donald Trump’s Not in Jail Yet”—otherwise known as the January 6 congressional hearings.

Trump’s absolutely insane and authoritarian decision to “reject the advice” of members of his team and declare victory on Election Night when even Fox News said he’d lost came from “an apparently inebriated” Rudy Giuliani.

“Apparently inebriated—which, by the way, is the title of Rudy Giuliani’s biography,” joked Kimmel. “Rudy Giuliani told him to go out and say he won. The way that you can tell Rudy is drunk is his breath smells more like booze than cigars and cat turds for a change.”

The claim that Rudy was as lit as the Capitol on January 6 was backed up by former Trump aide Jason Miller who, when asked whether there was anyone that night who “in your observation had had too much to drink,” replied, “Um… Mayor Giuliani.”

As Kimmel said, but then what was Trump's excuse?

Watch the entire segment below:

Endorse This! Colbert Owns Fox News On Avoiding January 6 Coverage

Even if Fox News choose to ignore the explosive January 6th hearings like Covid guidance in order to keep their viewers ignorant as always, every major news network broadcasted the first of several high-profile hearings involcing all the sordid details of the January 6th insurrection. And while the Republican party of treason claimed that the first airing of hearings would be a "nothing burger," it was a freaking impossible burger.

The Late Show host Stephen Colbert weighed in on why the hearings were quite significant and why Fox News desperately made sure not a single one of their sheep (or viewers) turned the channel.

“They were wrong,” he said to cheers from his audience. “It was such a juicy burger that Fox News knew that even their viewers would be tempted to take a bite. Which is why—and this is true—for the hour of his show opposite the hearings, Tucker Carlson took no commercial breaks.”

“Do you understand what that means?” he asked. “Fox News is willing to lose money to keep their viewers from flipping over and accidentally learning information.” But the host said he wasn’t “surprised” because “that’s the first rule of any cult: never leave the compound.” The second rule? “Present your testicles to the tanning station.”

Watch the entire segment below:

Endorse This! President Biden Trashes Trump, Talks Gun Violence On Kimmel

In his first live-in-studio appearance since taking office during the pandemic, President Joe Biden sat down with late-night comedy host Jimmy Kimmel to let off a little steam and set the record straight on inflation and gun violence plaguing Americans. Like most Americans, the late-night comic is impatient for action on guns -- and jokingly prodded the president.

Biden explained that he has done executive orders on guns but some things are beyond executive power alone. Then he took a poke at his predecessor.

"But what I don't want to do, and I'm not being facetious, I don't want to emulate Trump's abuse of the Constitution," Biden told Kimmel. "I often get asked, 'look the Republicans don't play it square, why do you play it square?' Well, guess what? If we do the same thing they do, our democracy will literally be in jeopardy."

Watch the Interview Below:


Endorse This! Bill Maher Shows Why GOP Ads Prove Americans Are 'Stupid'

Longtime provocateur and host of HBO's Real Time, Bill Maher sometimes slips into conservative crank territory. Whether lambasting Covid rules or scolding LGBT youth, Maher can sound like an aging buffoon. Yet he is by no means friendly toward the nakedly fascist MAGA/QANON Republicans.

During the latest episode of Real Time, Maher wondered aloud what the stunning idiocy of GOP campaign ads means for our future.

“We have to figure out how a country can solve any problem if so many of its people are so intractably, astoundingly, mind-numbingly stupid,” Maher told viewers. “And I’m not saying that as hyperbole or just out of frustration. I mean this country just might be empirically, verifiably too fucking dumb to continue as an ongoing enterprise.”

Maher showed a TikTok video that proves his point, and commented on a clip from one of Rep. Marjorie Taylor Green's ads in which she fires a semi-automatic weapon.

"Here’s three words that no one ever has to say to Marjorie Taylor Greene: dumb it down.”

Watch The Entire Segment Below:

Endorse This! Kimmel Exposes Grifter Don Jr.'s 'America First' Gear

We all know that former defeated President Trump is and will forever be a lying, grifting con man who does anything and everything for himself and a buck, but apparently, that's how his entire freakshow family rolls. Case in point, Donald Trump Jr.

When he's not making embarrassing videos on Instagram that indicate a desperate plea for attention (especially from Daddy), Don Jr. is following in his father's footsteps by hawking a bunch of crappy MAGA gear of his own. But where is Don Jr's so-called "America-First" merch actually made?

“The hypocrisy, they don’t even try to hide it anymore,” said Jimmy Kimmel. “I guess they don’t need to hide it, nobody seems to notice.” He noted that Trump Jr. is “always talking about China,” saying things like “my father was tough on China” or “Hunter Biden’s in bed with China,” but the labels on his products tell a very different story.

Watch the entire segment below:

Endorse This! Colbert Hilariously Destroys Herschel Walker's 'Gun Plan'

Republicans have been tripping over themselves in an all-out race to shield the NRA and find any blame for gun shootings that ignores actual guns. And while we thought Ted Cruz had the dumbest excuse, Georgia's Trump-backed Senate candidate and former football player Herschel Walker appear to have out-dumbed Cruz.

Walker says the solution to school shootings involves "a department that can look at young men that's looking at women that's looking at social media." Did Walker play wearing a helmet? Late Show host Stephen Colbert gleefully assessed his suggestion.

“Yeah, what about doing that?” Colbert said on Wednesday night. “It’s high time to create the Federal Bureau Of Looking At Young Men Who Are Looking At Women Who Are Looking At Social Media.”

Colbert even came up with a logo for this so-called agency.

Endorse This! Kimmel's Funny, Sad Response To GOP Inaction On Guns

While the world watches in shock as America's so-called leaders do little and mostly nothing on gun safety, Jimmy Kimmel gleefully mocked feckless and pathetic Ted Cruz over his total lack of courage to stand up to the deadly NRA:

"His need for attention is so powerful. He has been everywhere this week doing interviews… defending the disturbing allegiance these guys have to semi-automatic weapons, which Ted says aren’t the problem. The problem, according to Ted Cruz, is that schools need to be more like prisons.”

But Kimmel offered his own way to compel deranged, hateful clowns like Cruz into action.


Watch the entire clip below:

Endorse This! Colbert Rips Cruz For This Stupid Solution To School Shootings

As we learn more and more about the horrible details surrounding the deadly school massacre in Uvalde, Texas, we get to see all the feckless Republicans do the old song and dance on guns. When they're not gassing up the dump trucks of thoughts and prayers to avoid any accountability for doing the NRA's bidding, they're suggesting absolutely laughable solutions to school shootings.

Late Show host Stephen Colbert dismantled Senator Ted Cruz’s latest moronic suggestion that locked doors or single entry and exit points would stop mass shootings

.“So he just wants sensible door control,” noted Colbert. “Now look, increasing security, hardening schools, could be a good idea, but what about all the other places where shootings happen – like movie theaters, like churches or grocery stores or everywhere else in America.”

Indeed, Colbert's point about the downright frightening rise of mass shootings states the absolute obvious: Stop simping for the terror suppoters in the NRA and get something done about gun safety. Colbert also mocked Congress for sneaking off on recess without doing anything about guns.

Watch the entire segment below:

Endorse This! Kimmel Calls Out Cowardly GOP After Uvalde Shooting

The totally needless killing of 19 school children and two teachers in the latest school shooting shows once again that we're a nation on the verge of total disaster.

Never hesitant to nail hypocritical Republicans, Jimmy Kimmel began his show without an audience on Wednesday and delivered a poignant monologue about the massacre at an elementary school in Uvalde, Texas that left 19 children and two teachers dead. Kimmel blasted feckless Republicans by noting most Americans support common-sense gun laws, but the legislation stalls “because our cowardly leaders just aren’t listening to us ― they’re listening to the NRA.”

“If your solution to children being massacred is armed guards, you haven’t been paying attention to what’s going on,” Kimmel said. “There was an armed guard in Buffalo. There was an armed guard in Parkland. There was an armed guard in Uvalde.”

Watch the entire segment below:

Endorse This! Kimmel Tweaks Kellyanne's Very Awkward New Book

Returning to his late-night show after another COVID hiatus, Jimmy Kimmel mocked the release of Kellyanne Conway's new book. Pointing out that she writes almost as well as she tells the truth, Kimmel played a clip of Conway reading from Here’s The Deal: A Memoir --- and concluding with an “amen” for her own words.

“Yeah, ‘amen,‘” he chortled. “I don’t think you’re allowed to end your own book with ‘amen.’”

But just when you thought that might be the most awkward part of wacky Conway's book, Kimmel dug a little bit further. A Trump spokesperson issued a statement calling a key anecdote in the book “totally false.” Wait, did Conway just encounter "alternative facts"?

“In other words, Kellyanne got Kellyanne’ed today!” Kimmel said. “Isn’t that something?”

Watch the entire segment below:

Endorse This! Colbert Returns To Roots Of Mocking George Bush (VIDEO)

Ever since the Republican party was hijacked by a clownish, failed businessman and reality tv host turned fascist dictator, many on the left have pined for the simpler days of George W. Bush. Putting aside his obvious failure of a lifetime in launching a brutal, unnecessary, and costly war in Iraq, the not-so-bright former president would probably be considered a leftist by today's deranged Republican party of rabble-rousing misfits. Stephen Colbert, like many of us comedians at the time, took great pleasure in jostling George Bush over his failures in Iraq.

Although he has since dropped his more arcane Colbert Report far-right character after taking over hosting duties at the Late Show, Colbert is as political as ever. Having been said, Colbert mocked George W Bush, who gave a speech in Dallas on Wednesday for an event called “Elections – A More Perfect Union”, which focused on how elections work.

We’ve actually acquired Dubya’s PowerPoint on how elections work,” the Late Show host deadpanned. “Step one: get fewer votes than your opponent. Step two: have the supreme court hand it to you." Colbert, however, really laid into the former President after his gaffe on Iraq.

Watch the segment below:

Endorse This! 5 MAGA Children's Books The GOP Wants You To Read (SATIRE)

The GOP descent into full-blown conspiracy and fascist hell has not gone unnoticed as of late. With the right-wing dominated Supreme Court poised to finally overturn Roe V Wade and 2022 races focusing on backing Republicans who support Trump's 2020 election lies, democracy and decency are all but dead and Democrats are going to have to turn out big in the midterms to prevent a GOP takeover over the House or Senate.

But while the focus of progressive ire has been over the GOP's assault on reproductive rights, Republicans have also been waging a war on facts and education quite well. After all, they need their voters nice and ignorant to remain in power. Book banning and, sickeningly, book burning is a thing for the GOP in the year 2022. The state of Tennessee, for example, is banning books. In fact, a psychotic trump zealot pastor led an actual book-burning event.

Since the far-right clowns in today's deranged GOP want their voters to remain ignorant, hateful, and uneducated we decided to compile a list of super-duper conservative-approved children's books. Although this is purely satirical, it is actually something that could very well happen in today's intellectually and morally bankrupt Republican Party.


@impressions_guy #donaldtrump#maga #comedy #liberal #conservative#satire #democrat ♬ Blue Blood - Heinz Kiessling & Various Artists

Michael Hayne is a comedian, writer, voice artist, podcaster, and impressionist. Follow his work on Facebook and TikTok


Endorse This! Colbert Goes After Carlson On 'Replacement' Theory

It seems we can't go even a week in America without some deranged white nationalist shooter taking the lives of decent people. Of course, this type of violence is propagated on a daily basis by the far-right sh*tweasals at Fox News and, worse yet, in the ranks of the Republican Party.

After returning to the Late Show helm, Stephen Colbert weighed in on the real culprit behind the mass shootings -- the Replacement Theory popularized by Tucker Carlson.

"Where does anyone get an idea that monstrous?” Colbert wondered. “Well, it used to be only from the farthest rightwing fringe organizations – your StormFronts, your neo-Nazis. But these days, you can see it every night on TV,” thanks to Fox News and host Tucker Carlson, who has advanced the idea that a “cabal of elites wants to force demographic change through immigration” in more than 400 episodes of his show.

Colbert also made sure to mockthe ridiculous lie that Democrats are somehow super radicalized.

“Oh, and you know what those liberals will do with their powerful permanent majority?” he mocked. “Beg Joe Manchin for paid family leave, and then when he doesn’t vote for it say, ‘oh, OK then, is there something else we could do for you? What if we fed coal directly to dolphins?’”

Watch the clip below: