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Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

Good news for late night comedians and political satirists: Herman Cain is back!

Cain’s new endeavor is a website called “Cain Connections,” which sounds more like a dating hotline than you’d think a man who’s been repeatedly accused of sexual harassment would want. The website’s primary purpose appears to be promoting “Cain’s Solutions Revolution,” a guide to Herman Cain’s policy platform for overcoming the challenges facing the United States.

Clicking on any of the issues in the solutions page — “Peace Thru [sic] Strength And Clarity,” “Monetary Reform (Make the dollar as good as gold!)” “Energy Independence — ‘Made In America,'” “Regulatory Reform,” and of course “9-9-9” — takes you to a comprehensive guide to Cain’s platform. The guide itself is only two pages long, and is written in the style of a high school student trying to meet a minimum length requirement (it’s filled with conservative boilerplate, and about two thirds of the first page taken up by a giant American flag.)

Of course, it wouldn’t be a Herman Cain website without an absolutely insane video. The avant-garde “Cain Connections: The Solutions Revolution!” video features odd close-up shots of Cain sitting at a desk (writing “solutions revolution” and “9-9-9” in comically large letters on a piece of paper,) and delivering his talking points in his typical preacher-like style. The video concludes with a bizarre 10 second shot zooming in on Cain silently glaring into the camera, holding up two fingers in a “V for victory.”

 

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