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This Week In Crazy: Obama Gives New Mexico To ISIS, And The Rest Of The Worst Of The Right

Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

5. Phil Robertson

As ISIS continues to wage a campaign of terror across the Middle East, Fox News’ Sean Hannity turned to the one man who could explain the geopolitical crisis to Americans, and put our minds at ease: That homophobic guy from Duck Dynasty.

After warning Hannity never to leave his house without his Bible and his woman, “Duck Commander” Phil Robertson got to the meat of his argument about the terrorist group.

“In this case, you either have to convert them — which I think would be next to impossible,” Robertson said. “I’m not giving up on them, but I’m just saying either convert them or kill them. One or the other.”

Convert or die. Where have we heard that before?

4. Michael Savage

Screenshot: YouTube

Screenshot: YouTube

It took a few weeks, but Rep. Mo Brooks (R-AL) has finally found an ally in his resistance movement against President Obama’s “War on Whites:” Right-wing radio host Michael Savage.

According to Savage, “This entire government is geared up to fight a war against white people.”

“Could this be the most racist administration in American history?” he asked, apparently unaware of the 12 presidents who owned slaves. “Are we allowed to ask the question?”

“ISIS has 12,000 foreign fighters, hundreds of Americans,” Savage continued. “Where was Homeland Security when all of these so-called homegrown Muslim radicals were incubating? Well, they were looking at returning white, male, Christian soldiers. And those who oppose abortion. That’s your DHS. The same DHS that was nowhere to be seen in Ferguson, Missouri.”

Why didn’t DHS intervene in Ferguson? According to Savage, it’s because the protesters weren’t white enough to spark the race war that Obama so desperately craves.

“They’ve been waiting for an insurrection by white people,” he explained. “That’s what Homeland Security’s getting ready for. All you evil white crackers. So when the city was almost burned to the ground they weren’t there, because they’re still planning your insurrection.”

In Savage’s defense, he’s probably right to assume that his audience is 100 percent white people. And if it makes him feel any better, if the “War on Whites” were a real thing, their side would be dominating it.

Coincidentally, the only way to stop Obama from killing all of the evil white crackers is by buying Savage’s new book.

Audio of Savage’s comments is available at Right Wing Watch.

3. Bryan Fischer

For most conservatives, news that the National Institutes of Health has spent $3 million studying why lesbians have a higher obesity rate than heterosexual women would prompt cries of “wasteful spending!” or “starve the beast!” or “#Benghazi!”

For the American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer, however, it’s a call to action. On the Tuesday edition of his radio show, Fischer declared that if First Lady Michelle Obama really wants to fight obesity in America, she needs to embrace homophobia.

“I would suggest that if Michelle Obama really cares about obesity, she should be out there leading the charge against normalizing lesbianism,” Fischer argued. “She should be at the head of a campaign to convince women not to get into lesbianism. Her slogan ought to be ‘Fight Obesity, Go Straight.'”

Usually, when Fischer warns us about Big Gay, he’s not being quite so literal.

2. John Bennett

John Bennett

Meet Oklahoma state Rep. John Bennett. A self-described “Man of Faith,” Bennett believes that religion is “extremely important,” and that God “should be first in our Nation.” Unless you’re a Muslim.

In a Monday Facebook post, Bennett explained why Oklahomans should be “wary” of Muslims:

Islam and Muslim are one in the same. They are adjectives describing their religion. Islam is the religion, Muslim is the person that follows Islam. If someone claims to be Muslim they subscribe to Islam (Quran). The Quran clearly states that non Muslims should be killed. Arab is the ethnicity, not Muslim or Islam. Be wary of the individuals who claim to be “Muslim American”. Be especially wary if you’re a Christian.

Bennett’s factually and grammatically challenged warning understandably upset the Oklahoma chapter of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, which wrote Bennett a letter requesting that he “denounce these anti-Muslim comments and issue an apology for said derogatory statements.”

Unsurprisingly, Bennett did not.

“We must shine a bright light on the role of the Muslim Brotherhood and its varied tentacles in the U.S.,” he responded. “These tentacles include un-indicted co-conspirators of the U.S. vs. Holyland Foundation trial like the Council on American-Islamic Relations here in Oklahoma. Our borders are wide open to drug and human traffickers. Terrorism could come to Oklahoma just as easily.”

Of course, when terrorism actually did come to Oklahoma, it wasn’t via one of the Muslim Brotherhood’s varied tentacles. Nonetheless, the Oklahoma GOP is standing by its man.

“It seems as if their attack on his comments is disingenuous at best,” party chairman Dave Weston said of the CAIR. “Here’s why. If we as Americans were ruled by Islam, then Christians and Jews like you and I could only keep practicing our faith if we paid a protection tax. But if you’re Christian or Jewish and don’t immediately convert to Islam, they imminently decapitate you. This is proven by ongoing observation around the world today.”

Well if the Oklahoma GOP observes it, then it must be true. That’s how we know that the founding fathers caused the Rwandan genocide, that God wants you to stone gay people to death, and that robots are slowly taking over Congress.

1. Erik Rush

Screenshot: Youtube

Screenshot: Youtube

This week’s “winner” is once again WorldNetDaily columnist Erik Rush, who remains convinced that President Obama is a secret Muslim terrorist who is planning a devastating attack against America.

In his latest column, titled “Obama: The Head Of The ISIS Snake,” Rush once again claims that “the individual representing himself as Barack Hussein Obama is responsible for the resurgence of Islamic militancy in the Middle East, and ISIS in particular.”

“As uncomfortable for [other members of the government] as it may be, they must come to grips with the fact that Obama is a well-placed saboteur representing malignant interests, enemies both foreign and domestic, that have been strategizing the downfall of the United States for decades,” Rush declares.

As evidence, he notes that in May, Obama established the Organ Mountains-Desert Peaks National Monument. Could the president have been trying to protect 500,000 acres of pristine wilderness, filled with diverse wildlife and fascinating Pre-American, New Mexican, and American history?

Nope. It’s actually a 500,000-acre training ground for ISIS.

“Potential for the incursion of malefactors in that area is enormous; not just an efficient and effective route for small bands of drug smugglers or gangs, it now amounts to a protected access for potentially large sorties onto the U.S. soil,” Rush writes. Clearly, establishing the monument is just a precursor to “a terror cell executing a Nairobi mall-style attack or detonating a dirty bomb somewhere in Middle America.”

“Whether Obama intends to seize absolute power via martial law after a comprehensive White House-orchestrated terrorist strike or use his jihadi army to aid in pacifying an unsuspecting American populace matters little,” he concludes. “The bottom line is that the decisive measures needed to defeat ISIS and to protect American citizens from them will never be taken by this president, and it should be obvious as to why. This nation now faces extreme and unprecedented crises, and apart from an Act of God, they will only be resolved through extreme and unprecedented measures.”

Is it too late for Valerie Jarrett to sell that part of New Mexico?

Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments!

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5 Republican Leadership Conference Speakers Who Should Embarrass Republican Leaders

Donald Trump

Photo: Gage Skidmore via Flickr

Bachmann, Cruz, Robertson, Trump, West… the Republican Leadership Conference is getting the band back together!

For the low, low price of $189.00, right-wingers of all stripes can enjoy three full days of presentations by conservative firebrands at the Republican Leadership Conference in New Orleans this weekend. And the lineup does not disappoint.

In a list that reads like a “who’s who” of Tea Party Republicans, the bill at this year’s conference shows just how sharp a right turn the Republican Party has taken in recent years. Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal is set to kick things off Thursday evening, followed by Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson and rising Tea Party star Ben Sasse (R-NE).

And that’s just the opening-day appetizer.

As an organizer of the event described it in 2011, the RLC is “designed to showcase the top Republican leaders and ideas in the country — to talk about limited government, fiscal responsibility and rebuilding the American economy.” Apparently, the Republican Party is now being led by reality stars and Michele Bachmann.

Here’s a look at five speakers who will get a shot at remaking the Republican Party in their own intellectual image this weekend:

Phil Robertson

Duck Dynasty

AFP Photo/Dimitrios Kambouris

Undeterred by the scandal surrounding his homophobic and racist comments, Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson has seized on his persona as a straight-talking, evangelical Southerner who speaks to the heart of the American conservative. On Thursday, he’ll have the opportunity to speak to his supporters face to face at the conference.

One can only hope Robertson’s address will turn to his thoughts on homosexuality, which he previously spoke about in a widely read interview with GQ. In that piece, Robertson told Drew Magary:

It seems like, to me, a vagina — as a man — would be more desirable than a man’s anus, that’s just me.

I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.

“Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there,” he explained, when asked about homosexuality and sin. “Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men.”

Donald Trump

To kick the fiery rhetoric meter up to 11, the conference will welcome the country’s most famous birther to address the crowd on Friday. If this year’s CPAC event in Washington, D.C. was any indicator of what to expect from The Donald, he’s not going to be timid.

At CPAC, Trump offered this theory about immigration reform: “Immigration, we’re either a country or we’re not, we either have borders or we don’t; you have a border, you have a country and if you don’t have a border, what are we, just a nothing? A nothing.”

Allen West

Allen West 427x321

Photo by Gage Skidmore via Flickr.com

At this point, it should not be a surprise that former congressman Allen West fits right in with the Republican “leadership.”

In recent weeks, West has been up to his old tricks as a right-wing blowhard. Last week, he questioned the patriotism of wounded veteran and current U.S. congresswoman Tammy Duckworth (D-IL), after House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) appointed Duckworth to the new Benghazi select committee.

“I just don’t know where her loyalties lie,” West said of Duckworth. “You know, for her to have been a veteran, a wounded warrior for the United States Army, she should know that this is not the right thing. And hopefully, you know, she will remember the oath of office that she took as an Army officer and not the allegiance I guess she believes she has to the liberal progressives of the Democrat Party.”

Rick Santorum

Rick Santorum

Photo via Wikimedia Commons

Likely preparing for another presidential run, former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum is sure to raise a few eyebrows if he speaks about what separates him from other potential GOP candidates.

In the 2012 presidential race, Santorum distanced himself from the average GOPer, saying about birth control: “One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country.”

“Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that’s okay, contraception is okay,” he piled on. “It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.”

Michele Bachmann

Finally, the RLC will welcome Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann. Bachmann, who plans to retire at the end of her current term, will nonetheless continue to guide the party down her own ideological path, it seems. (She is speaking at the RLC!)

That path includes conspiracy theories. Plenty of them.

There was the time she suggested that Hillary Clinton paid off ex-CIA acting director Michael Morell — because his Benghazi testimony did not match Bachmann’s theories about the attacks. Or when she argued that President Obama was actively supporting al Qaeda, which she used as evidence to prove the world is coming to an end.

Or her speech at CPAC, in which she shared her thoughts about immigration reform. “Wall Street and big business” are “clamoring for amnesty” in order to turn the U.S. into “a country of dependency and the welfare state,” Bachmann said.

So, with that, welcome to the 2014 Republican Leadership Conference. And welcome to the future of the Republican Party.

‘Duck Dynasty’ Star To Return After Anti-Gay Outrage

Los Angeles (AFP) – The star of America’s most popular cable TV reality show will be allowed to return to the program, a statement said, after his suspension for inflammatory remarks about homosexuality and blacks triggered a national furor.

The A&E Network confirmed its popular “Duck Dynasty” show would resume filming next year with star performer Phil Robertson back on board following the storm over his anti-gay comments in a recent interview.

Robertson, 67, the patriarch of the extended family of Louisiana hunters whose lives are chronicled in “Duck Dynasty” was suspended by A&E after suggesting homosexuality is sinful and could lead to bestiality.

In the same interview with GQ magazine, Robertson also minimized the era of racist segregation of blacks in America’s southern states.

Robertson’s comments appalled gay rights activists who demanded A&E consider take action and urged sponsors to cut ties to the program, which is the most-watched nonfiction cable show in U.S. television history.

However the outcry after Robertson’s suspension was matched by an equally vigorous response from fans and socially conservative Republicans, with many claiming Robertson’s rights to free speech were being violated.

After a week-long war of words A&E confirmed that Robertson would return to the show after the star said he “regretted” the way his remarks had been portrayed.

“While Phil’s comments made in the interview reflect his personal views based on his own beliefs and his own personal journey, he and his family have publicly stated they regret the ‘coarse language’ he used and the misinterpretation of his core beliefs based only on the article,” A&E said in a statement. “He also made it clear he would ‘never incite or encourage hate.’ We at A&E Networks expressed our disappointment with his statements in the article and reiterate that they are not views we hold.”

The statement from the broadcaster said “Duck Dynasty” was “not a show about one man’s views.”

“It resonates with a large audience because it is a show about family — a family that America has come to love,” he said. “So after discussions with the Robertson family, as well as consulting with numerous advocacy groups, A&E has decided to resume filming Duck Dynasty later this spring with the entire Robertson family.”

A&E said it was planning to launch a national campaign of advertisements preaching unity, tolerance and acceptance.

A&E’s climbdown over Robertson received a chilly response from gay rights activists, however.

“Phil Robertson should look African American and gay people in the eyes and hear about the hurtful impact of praising Jim Crow laws and comparing gay people to terrorists,” a spokesman for the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation said in a statement.

“If dialogue with Phil is not part of next steps then A&E has chosen profits over African American and gay people — especially its employees and viewers.”

First broadcast in 2012, “Duck Dynasty” centers on Robertson and a family who struck it rich making and selling a cedar wood duck call for hunters called the Duck Commander, yet never abandoned their raw bayou ways.

Many fans say they love the weekly show for its downhome family values: no matter how dysfunctional the Robertsons are, they always come together in the end with love and affection.

Season four premiered in August with 11.8 million viewers, making it the most-watched nonfiction cable show in U.S. television history.

Season five is scheduled to begin on January 15 and the show is also seen on cable and satellite in Europe and Asia.

Besides “Duck Dynasty,” which GQ said earns the Robertson clan a reported $200,000 an episode, the family has published four non-fiction best-sellers this year.

Lucrative merchandising also includes smartphone apps, greeting cards, bobblehead dolls, camouflage outfits and car fresheners.

The GOP Would Care About The Unemployed — If They Were Fired For Anti-Gay Comments

Approximately 6,800 Louisianans who have been out of work for more than six months lost their only income this weekend.

But what’s the state’s governor Bobby Jindal (R-LA) worried about?

One Louisiana-based millionaire was temporarily put on vacation from his reality television job because he said that homosexuality is a gateway to bestiality.

When Duck Dynasty‘s Phil Robertson was suspended by A&E, Jindal — a literal Rhodes Scholar who famously said the GOP should not be “the stupid party” — issued a statement that read, “I remember when TV networks believed in the First Amendment.”

Of course, the First Amendment says nothing about your boss having to put up with you publicly insisting that black people were happier during segregation. But Jindal was siding with the initial interpretation of noted Constitutional scholar Sarah Palin, who later insisted that Robertson was expressing ideas from the Gospels, after admitting that she had not read his comments — or the Gospels, as homosexuality is never mentioned by Jesus and all four accounts of His life.

When A&E shockingly, after airing marathons of Duck Dynasty almost 24 hours a day since the “suspension,” announced Robertson would be returning to the show in 2014, Jindal celebrated.

“Today is a good day for the freedoms of speech and religious liberty,” Jindal said, in another statement he rushed to get out before anyone might leave him out of their story about the reinstatement.

LOL.

If a Muslim were arguing Christianity leads to bestiality (an equally abhorrent theoretical argument that I’ve never heard advanced by any Muslim) and Jindal had defended him, that would be a victory for free speech and religious liberty. Robertson’s return to television, as Rob Delaney pointed out, was a victory for “bigotry and greed.”

One of the most protected rights in America is the ability to say horrible things about lesbians, gays, transgenders and bisexuals. Need proof? Search the word “f-g” on Twitter, right now. What the critics of the Duck guy were hoping is that it was no longer a position that sponsors of commercial television would want to support with their cold, indifferent, promiscuous money.

Compensation was the issue, of course. Not speech.

Jindal was defending Robertson’s right to be highly compensated despite saying things that not only offend people but contribute to a culture of discrimination and violence against gays and lesbians.

Jindal, however, isn’t speaking out on behalf of his state’s residents who are looking for a job and cannot find one, as everyone on unemployment insurance must do or else be punished, by law. The governor doesn’t seem to care if you’re out of work — unless you lost your job for saying terrible things about gay people.

So I have an idea.

Let’s tell Governor Jindal that all 6,800 of the long-term unemployed people in his state who were just cut off from unemployment insurance by the Republicans in Congress are out of work because of anti-gay comments.

A few thousand said gay people are ruining their marriage, 2,400 or so believe that gay people are trying to spoil the Winter Olympics and the rest all think gay people are staring at them whenever they try to take a shower at the YMCA — and that “C” stands for Christian!

It used to be that Republicans could be forced to care about something by pointing out the hollowness of their “support the troops” rhetoric. But the fact that 20,000 veterans are among the 1.3 Americans who lost their unemployment insurance this weekend hasn’t moved one major Republican to call for an immediate extension. In fact, Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) thinks he’s doing the men and women who served this country a favor by taking away that income.

What is it about the unemployed, the uninsured and the undocumented that doesn’t inspire conservatives to spring into action, as they do when they worry the right to hate may be limited?

What is it about the “hidden exiles” who live lives ““marked by fear, uncertainty and difficulties,” as Pope Francis described refugees in his liturgy on Sunday, that only inspires “tough love” from the right?

Compassion for those who are downtrodden is a virtue of the Gospels that is making Pope Francis wildly popular even with liberals, who may not agree with him on his view of reproductive rights and other issues but see that his humility and rhetoric all reveal an overwhelming concern for those who are suffering most. Francis’ obsession with calling out policies that make the richest richer speaks to a willingness to risk the wrath of those who make their living defending inequality and cruelty to the poor — like Rush Limbaugh.

Bobby Jindal seems far more concerned about the right to be rich and powerful, yet still hateful to those who have been most afflicted in our society.

So, in the name of those who are suffering, somebody please tell Jindal that the thousands of people in his state who have been cut off by Congress aren’t out of work because an under-regulated Wall Street destroyed our economy and a conservative obsession with budget cutting has maimed our recovery.

No, tell them that they’re all being denied employment because they said terrible, indefensible things about gay people that they justify by reading the parts of the Bible most convenient to their hate. Then he’ll have to care.

Photo: Gage Skidmore via Flickr