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This Week In Crazy: Come, Armageddon

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This Week In Crazy: Come, Armageddon


Despite prior warnings to this effect, which turned out to be premature, conservative right-wingers are quite sure that this time it really is the End Times.

Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the loony, bigoted, and hateful behavior of the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

5. Kevin Swanson

2015-11-06-kevin-swanson-cow-manure-right-wing-watch-screen-grab-640So much has been made of pastor Kevin Swanson’s “kill-the-gays rally,” as Rachel Maddow aptly characterized it, that I almost hesitate to include him on this week’s list. But if a crazed man announcing that, were he invited to his gay son’s wedding, he’d “sit in cow manure” and “spread it all over my body” doesn’t make the TWIC page, then the TWIC page has no meaning.

Swanson’s epic caterwaul continues: “I’m not laughing! I’m grieving! I’m mourning!” He characterized gay people as being riddled with sores, and wailed that “People are carving happy faces on the sores! That’s not a nice thing to do! Don’t you dare carve happy faces on open, pussy sores!!”

This mewling, hysterical tantrum was part of Swanson’s protracted introduction of, improbably, three GOP presidential candidates — Ted Cruz, Mike Huckabee, and Bobby Jindal — who attended the Des Moines rally in an apparent demonstration that the Iowan evangelical vote is so valuable a candidate will stoop to even the most shameful low. (While onstage, Cruz insisted that atheists and nonreligious people were unfit to be president — to rapturous applause.)

While he explained that homosexuality was a capital offense, Swanson stopped short of saying civil leaders should actually be the ones sentencing them to death — but only because “we need some time for homosexuals to repent.”

Of course, the candidates’ campaigns are already backpedaling: Huckabee is now saying he didn’t know what he was getting into, a pretty dubious claim — considering the bevy of material on Swanson’s history of hateful anti-gay, anti-women rhetoric that’s readily available online, and the fact that media outlets and watchdog groups were making a lot of noise about this last week.

But Jesus never used Google, so apparently neither does Huck.

Next: Pat Robertson

Sam Reisman

Sam Reisman is the former managing editor at The National Memo, where he still writes the weekly "This Week In Crazy" column. His writing has appeared in Flavorpill, The Huffington Post, Columbia Daily Spectator, and Bwog. He was the publisher of the 2010 edition of Inside New York, an annual guidebook to the city for students and young professionals.

Since 2011, he has co-curated and hosted Peculiar Streams, a showcase for NYC-based writers, musicians, comedians, and filmmakers. He is a staff writer at Mediaite, and blogs at SamReisman.com.

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  1. Dominick Vila November 13, 2015

    What is evident, when we read the opinions articulated by so many prominent conservatives, is that their obsessions and bizarre opinions go beyond the realm of ignorance and prejudice. What we are dealing with is cultural war. Millions of Americans are terrified by the societal and moral changes that have been taking place in recent decades, by the influx of foreigners and the cultural changes they bring, by changing opinions on domestic and foreign policy endeavors, by changes in our education system, and by change as an instrument of progress. Above all, they fear the rise of agnosticism in America, which the evangelicals interpret as a direct attack against Christianity, and their distorted values of Christianity. When they say that they want to take America back, they are not kidding. They literally want to take us back to the pre-Civil Rights days, to the “wetback” deportation days, to the days when gays and lesbian hid their sexual orientation for fear of persecution, to the days when we checked under our beds before going to sleep to ensure commies were not hiding there and prepared for nuclear Armageddon by hiding under our desks in school. They want a return to the days when everybody knew their place and accepted their fate without complaint. That’s what has allowed candidates like Donald Trump to rise, the reason people like Michele Bachmann were elected, and the reason Mitch McConnell was re-elected after admitting that the obstructionism that he championed, and that cause so much economic and job creation problems, was designed to ensure President Obama was a one-term President.

    1. charleo1 November 13, 2015

      “And you knew where you were then. Girls were girls and men were men. Mister, we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again. Didn’t need no welfare state. Everybody pulled his weight. Gee, our old LaSalle ran great! Those were the days!”
      It’s funny how this stuff just keeps knocking around for years on the Right, never changing much. I guess Hoover would probably be Reagan. But other than that, things may change in Heaven, but here on Earth we can depend on one thing. When a Democrat takes the WH. the Wingers start preaching tribulation, Armageddon, gloom, and doom, and then, the Sun will never shine again! Unless of course a Republican wins the Presidency.

      1. idamag November 13, 2015

        Looking at those candidates, running on the GOP ticket, God forbid a Republican becomes president.

        1. Steve Batchelor November 16, 2015

          Ida….I refer you back to your comment about the Country being a breeding ground for stupidity…so…
          I agree that God forbid for one of the Rethug clowns being elected but I am going to worry until late the night of the 2016 Presidential election.
          This Isis threat needs to be front and center with HRC and Bernie and they both need to be talking tough measures as I can guarantee the the loonies on the right are going to be doing just that, which is going to sadly sway the voters who see Isis as the coming of Armageddon that the loonies talk about like it’s a holiday they are pining for.

    2. The_Magic_M November 13, 2015

      I think they want more than just a return to that. They want to return to that in order to build upon it and extend it, to the point where, Godwin’s Law be damned, they can do to all “non-believers”, critical people and other “deviants” as Hitler did unto Jews, Communists, gypsies and anyone else deemed not worthy of even *being alive* in Wingnut Utopia.
      Or does anyone really doubt the likes of Pat Robertson would be satisfied with just living in 1950, or 1830? With the knowledge that “they”, “Satan’s spawn”, are still living among them, secretly, “waiting to overthrow God’s chosen” or whatnot?
      The conspiracist world view of these people leads only to one thing: genocide.

      1. @HawaiianTater November 13, 2015

        You’re not giving them enough credit. 1950 or even 1830 is not far enough back. What they really want is a return to the Dark Ages when the church controlled everything and scientists were burned at the stake for suggesting that Earth is not the center of the universe. There is not a doubt in my mind that they would still kill the “heretics” if they could get away with it. Ultra conservative zealots have a lot more in common with ISIS than they would ever admit.

      2. Otto Greif November 13, 2015

        You don’t seem high at all.

    3. Independent1 November 13, 2015

      And what you describe is born out as a function of the conservative mind – which creates in people a resistance to change. A desire to maintain the status quo or even return to times when they felt more secure. What we’ve been seeing this past 7 years or so, are really the fundamentals of Conservatism coming to their full light.

      Here’s some excerpts on that from a study published by USC Berkley:

      BERKELEY – Politically conservative agendas may range from supporting the Vietnam War to upholding traditional moral and religious values to opposing welfare. But are there consistent underlying motivations?

      Four researchers who culled through 50 years of research literature about the psychology of conservatism report that at the core of political conservatism is the resistance to change and a tolerance for inequality, and that some of the common psychological factors linked to political conservatism

      -Fear and aggression
      -Dogmatism and intolerance of ambiguity
      -Uncertainty avoidance
      -Need for cognitive closure
      -Terror management

      The avoidance of uncertainty, for example, as well as the striving for certainty, are particularly tied to one key dimension of conservative thought – the resistance to change or hanging onto the status quo, they said.

      The terror management feature of conservatism can be seen in post-Sept. 11 America, where many people appear to shun and even punish outsiders and those who threaten the status of cherished world views, they wrote.

      Concerns with fear and threat, likewise, can be linked to a second key dimension of conservatism – an endorsement of inequality, a view reflected in the Indian caste system, South African apartheid and the conservative,
      segregationist politics of the late Sen. Strom Thurmond (R-South S.C.).

      Disparate conservatives share a resistance to change and acceptance of
      inequality, the authors said. Hitler, Mussolini, and former President Ronald Reagan were individuals, but all were right-wing conservatives because they preached a return to an idealized past and condoned inequality in someform. Talk host Rush Limbaugh can be described the same way,the authors commented in a published reply to the article.

      For more in depth on the article go here:


    4. @HawaiianTater November 13, 2015

      You’re correct about all of this. But, make no mistake about it, they ARE losing the culture wars. The question is not whether or not they will lose. The question is how much damage they will cause on their way out of power. In the next 10-20 years, when the older voters start dying off and the younger voters take their place, we will see a drastically different political landscape than what we see today. We are living through the last great stand of ultra conservative Christians. As long as we can survive the next election and keep them from stacking the SCOTUS in their favor, their time will be done sooner rather than later. If they do win next year, it will only delay the inevitable and make the transition much more difficult but it won’t stop the change from happening. They’re already having to resort to dirty tricks like gerrymandering and voter suppression to keep what power they do have. Those are only stopgap measures though and eventually even their dirty tricks will not be enough to keep them in power.

      Change is coming, my friend, and there is nothing they can do to stop it.

    5. Otto Greif November 13, 2015

      You people promised immigration wouldn’t change the country, now you get angry at anyone pushing back against the change.

  2. Leftout November 13, 2015

    Is Obama running for another term????!!!

    1. charleo1 November 13, 2015

      I’m still waiting for the Armageddon they predicted when Obama was first elected. Remember all that? Obama was going to wreck the economy, tank the World Markets, redistribute all the wealth by taxing the job creators into oblivion Commie style, declare Marshall Law, enact Shira Law, sacrifice Christians to the Sodomites, outlaw Christmas, gut the military, take all the guns, hand Iran the bomb, and start WWIII by throwing the Jews under the bus. And all that was only if he were a one term President. Imagine they said, what would happen, if he were actually elected twice!

      1. Leftout November 13, 2015

        Well you listed his list , but most of his ideas have been thwarted , as is the job of an opposing political system. No?
        Armageddon is an expectation of Iran and followers , it is their Redemptlion , according to their idiotic religion, I say they can line themselves up in the desert with all of those that believe this, leave doubters at home to make grilled lamb testes on a skewer..,,,Ow I feel some pain!!!! We can then behead them if they prefer , since this method is a badge of honor .

        1. charleo1 November 13, 2015

          I think you will find Barack Obama, despite the obstruction,
          has been able to enact more groundbreaking, transformative legislation, foreign policy triumphs, and equality rendering social, and economic change for the Country, than any President since FDR. Who, for example, other than a genuine nut job, would argue that we’re not far better off after 8 years of Obama, than after 8 years of his predecessor?

          1. Leftout November 13, 2015

            I am not Bush supporter, but definitely, more right wing than Tea Part even. Foreign policy ? . The only thing Obama should have done is provided Free medical care instead of devising a new system, he could have attached it to Medicare system, and all middle man monies / administrative cost that the insurance companies take, could have paid for a great health care system, truly free for all. No more angst or fiery political debates on this. Same could be for providing a SSN type of retirement pkg for all , paid by general funds. There is much thievery going on to lobbyists and their friends, not friends of the people.

          2. charleo1 November 13, 2015

            As to your medical care solution, I agree. But a President is not a dictator. He can only enact, and manage to get paid for, what a pay to play Congress will approve. It goes to the current state of our political system. As a Democrat, I appreciate, and am grateful for Obama’s preventing the enactment of an agenda from a radicalized Right Wing. That in my opinion has clearly lost it’s collective mind, and no longer governs for the benefit of the nation. As I am proud of the programs, and initiatives Obama has brought to fruition during his administration. Like ending the discriminatory Defense of Marriage Act, and the DADT policy of our military. That had destroyed the careers of so many of our true heroes, and patroiates over the years. The passing of much needed financial, and securities regulations. So, the country is less likely to suffer another ’08 like crisis. And you, and I are less likely to have to bailout the too big to fail banks again. And this is a bad thing how exactly for the people? I’m proud that President Obama has been able to stand up to the Right, and remove the fear of deportation of millions of kids brought here thru no fault of their own. These kids, and their American Citizen families, and friends will never forget this act of support from this President. And know too, he would have done more, if not for the obstruction of the other, “mean party.” There’s a lot this President has done for the people of this country that you probably have not considered. But history surely will.

          3. Leftout November 13, 2015

            I agree with financials regs and bank should fail after pulling stunt that we all had to pay . DOMA is silly stuff to me, war on Women, equal pay etc do not exist in my world…. I do not experience these at any level. Surely all Illegals should be documented and allowedTo work but not allowed to vote Until they get in line for citizenship .

          4. Independent1 November 13, 2015

            You won’t notice the war on women and equal pay bit when you live in your own alternative world on basically another planet. Maybe you should open the door and take a walk and let in reality instead of living in your own fantasy world. Because examples of women struggling to survive because of pay inequality are everywhere around you.

          5. Leftout November 22, 2015

            So are men struggling to make it, some women make choices to rear families and later go into the marketplace, they are hired only due to their competence as I have seen, and of course if they are not bitchy and too ugly. Keep a charming attitude and you are in , as far as I have seen. On the chief exec level women are really great so say I. Some men have the same sense of lack of confidence as well and feel they may be owed something . Personality does the trick., and a willingness to learn…..and you know it.

        2. jmprint November 13, 2015

          And just think you are in bed with all these crazies. It’s your PARTY and you can cry if you want to.

          1. Leftout November 13, 2015

            I am not a member of a party but act on issues , if they are what is in line with founding values. I cry not.

  3. TZToronto November 13, 2015

    It’s amazing how much power gay people have. According to this collection of crazies, gay people are turning everyone gay. . . . They seem to be way more effective than the evangelicals–if you believe the evangelicals.

  4. dtgraham November 13, 2015

    Top Ten Ted Cruz excuses for attending the Kevin Swanson rally:

    10) What? Kill the gays? Oh I’m sorry, I thought this was an anti-immigrant skinhead rally.

    9) Right. Sure, like this isn’t your regular Tea Party rally.

    8) How about Jesus getting off his as* and doing a little Sodom and Gomorrah on the gays? How come I have to go to these things?

    7) To support gay marriage, everyone knows Obama will be changing Mt. Rushmore to show Roosevelt and Jefferson kissing. I mean, come on people!

    6) Two words: malt liquor.

    5) Just helping out Tom Bergeron with his nutty “America’s Funniest Videos” show.

    4) See if you can think straight after a week of eating pig gristle and deep fried fudge, campaigning in Iowa.

    3) The prize for attending? A cottage cheese lunch eaten off the chest of a thousand dollar a night hook*r.

    2) I used it as a training session to learn the other 7 commandments.

    and the number one Ted Cruz excuse for attending the Kevin Swanson rally

    1) Couldn’t believe anyone in a million jillion years would watch the dam* thing.

  5. Karen Bille-Golden November 13, 2015

    These people prove my theory that heaven and hell are states of mind and spirit. They seem bound and determined to have us join them in their hell on earth.

  6. fortunev November 13, 2015

    Are there this many goofy cuckoo-clocks in other countries? Or is the US the breeding ground for stupidity.

    1. FireBaron November 13, 2015

      Nah. It’s just that ours have an easier time finding a live microphone. The beauty of it is Sam could also author a companion piece called “This Week in Stupid” based on folks who sincerely follow, believe and publicly proclaim their support of the “Crazy” profilees!

    2. idamag November 13, 2015

      I think we are a breeding ground for stupidity.

    3. @HawaiianTater November 13, 2015

      Yes and yes. LOL

  7. FireBaron November 13, 2015

    Thanks, Sam. It looks like the A-Listers were out in force this week, without having to look at the last debate!

  8. idamag November 13, 2015

    Kevin Swanson:
    Funny, the Gay people, I know, are highly intelligent, well educated, and an asset to society. I can’t say that about you. I hope your Gay son will not include you among the wedding guests. I hope he doesn’t even speak to you. The candidates have sold their souls to the devil.
    Pat Robertson:
    Because of you, and people like Kevin Swanson, I can sympathize with the Romans who threw the Christians to the lions.
    Ah Frau Bachmann:
    Avid communist fighter, just like Adolph. You would reject Christ if he came to your door.
    Judge Scott Johnson:
    You bigots will take a child from a loving home and put him in the system to prove your bigotry. I worked for Health and Welfare and saw what bouncing children from foster home to foster home does to them. We had a child in foster care and they found out the roommates were Lesbian and took that child out of the home. The child was a fetal alcohol syndrome baby with nerve damage and unadoptable. The two ladies were trying to adopt this sweet little girl.
    Bryan Fisher:
    Funny how warmongers aren’t offering to lead people to death, dismemberment and psychological illness, isn’t it? Why don’t you join the Israeli mercenaries. I heard they pay well and you could shoot Arabs. Put your money where your mouth is.

    1. silas1898 November 14, 2015

      I would invite Swanson to the wedding just for the spectacle of it all, as long as he and his cow manure stay outside.

      The YouTube video would go viral in a heartbeat and give a wider audience to the insanity of these so-called “Christians”.

      I’m sure he doesn’t have the balls to really do it. These bullies are really chickens**ts at heart.

  9. Aaron_of_Portsmouth November 13, 2015

    Such lurid images by a representative of Christianity shows again in crystal-clear terms how defunct Christianity as an institution is and no longer is capable of exerting a positive influence in America, Europe, Russia, and the rest of the world.

    However, its Essence is intact and can’t be dimmed—it’s just that its “channels”(the clergy) are blocked by stodgy, anachronistic, conservative thought, and an incapacity to understand the imperative of “Progressive Revelation”.

    Its institutions often have aided and abetted racist elements in America from the landing of the Pilgrims and their mistreatment of the indigenous people, to the justification of slavery in the Americas, was instrumental in giving rise to “The Spanish Inquisition”, helped to stir up hysteria during the “Salem Witch Trials” andremained mute during persecution of Jews in Europe, incited lynch mobs in America and failed to speak as one voice against the terrorism of the KKK during Reconstruction up to the present day, formulated an erroneous interpretation of “The Curse of Ham” (a misinterpretation shared by many in Judaism and Islam), turned the other way by-and-large when Hitler hatched his “Final Solution” and put that plan into action(under the “watch” of the Lutheran Church and other Church groups in central Europe), and giving its blessings for the colonization of Africa, the Americas, Australia, and elsewhere.
    Not an impressive resume. But, and this is crucial, this was not the result of the “Essence” and “Light” that gave birth to Christianity but merely the result of the Clergy having lost their way collectively since the arrival of Muhammad in the Arabian Peninsula. Alas, the same affliction affects equally the mullahs, the ulamas, mujtahids, salafists, and various and sundry Shaykhs in Islam.

    If the necessity for “New Wine” in a “New Wineskin” isn’t apparent by now, then the generality of America will remain in “stasis”, and more foolish pronouncements and policies will be forthcoming, as is evident on the campaign trail.

    1. Karen Bille-Golden November 13, 2015

      very well said

    2. idamag November 14, 2015

      Great post!

  10. jmprint November 13, 2015

    It’s to bad all this theological education, has blinded these a$$holes into believing they are God and forget they can’t get to God unless they follow Jesus’ Word.

  11. @HawaiianTater November 13, 2015

    Concerning #4: The judge was obviously wrong for taking the child out of a loving household. That said, the other case referenced here of making the girls cut their hair is not something I had a problem with. The girl and her friend chopped off the hair of a 3 year old. I think it seems pretty fair to make them chop their own hair off. I doubt the toddler really cared that her hair was cut but girls around the age of 13 can be obsessive about things like their hair. That’s not something they will ever forget. Hopefully they learned their lesson and become better people for it. It’s a much better punishment than community service, which would have probably taught them nothing.

  12. jointerjohn November 13, 2015

    To accept the god of the Bible one signs on with a god who supposedly created all the tens of thousands of tribes of humans on the entire planet but would only reveal himself or associate with one teensy-tiny insignificant band on the east edge of the Mediterranean Sea. Absurdity started with that premise and flourishes today.

  13. @HawaiianTater November 13, 2015

    The latest reports say the judge has reversed his decision and decided to not take the kid away from the lesbian couple after all. That’s good news.

  14. OverthecliffRepublicans November 13, 2015

    Kevin Swanson should be stuffed into 1 of his tinfoil TV dinners.

    1. idamag November 14, 2015

      Is he related to Swanson’s Foods? If so, I am going to boycott them

  15. jakenhyde November 13, 2015

    M. Bachmann should convert to Judaism. It’s one of the oldest religions in the world. And, as she should know, Jesus was not a christian. He was a Jew.

    1. Deist1737 November 14, 2015

      Yeah, Judaism is the original bad idea and Christianity, Islam and Mormonism all have their roots in it.

      As the Deist Thomas Paine pointed out in The Age of Reason (http://deism.com/theageofreason.htm) we need a revolution in religion based on our innate God-given reason and Deism. This will do much to move us out of superstition and religious violence.

      Progress! Bob Johnson


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