Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:
5. Bryan Fischer
This Year In Crazy honoree Bryan Fischer has a problem: He knows that the Obama administration is destroying America by inviting demons into the White House, and letting hypermasculine homosexuals take over the military. But every time he finds a hero like Todd Akin who is willing to restore the Christian theocracy that Fischer is certain the Founding Fathers wanted, the voters refuse to accept them.
Thankfully, Fischer has a solution: Stop poor people from voting!
“You know, back in the day, in the colonial period, you’d have to be a landowner, a property owner to be eligible to vote and I don’t think that’s a bad idea,” Fischer said on the Tuesday edition of his radio show. “People that are not property owners — it’s like people that pay no taxes, they have no skin in the game. They don’t care about the same things that somebody does who is rooted in the community.”
As the good folks at Right Wing Watch point out, Fischer also opposes Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, food stamps, and the minimum wage, so it may be hard to find a candidate to run on the Fischer platform. A candidate other than Ted Nugent, that is. Speaking of whom…
4. Ted Nugent
On Thursday, movie producer and major Democratic donor Harvey Weinstein announced his intention to make an anti-gun film that will make the National Rifle Association “wish they weren’t alive.”
You’ll surely be shocked to learn that the right-wing media is not pleased with this development.
The rush to condemn Weinstein was quick and comprehensive — highlights included Fox News’ Martha McCollum falsely asserting that gun control caused the Holocaust and Dana Perino suggesting that if Weinstein really wants to reduce gun violence, he should “take on the teachers’ unions” — but no response was more unhinged than that of NRA gadfly Ted Nugent.
Appearing on the NRA’s Cam & Company program, Nugent declared that he doesn’t fear Weinstein’s movie, because “I know that God is inspiring this subhuman punk Weinstein to create what is going to be the most powerful promotion tool for the NRA ever.”
According to Nugent, viewers “will see that Joseph Goebbels and Saul Alinsky is alive in the form of a fat punk named Harvey Weinstein and as he tries to destroy the NRA it will backfire on him.”
Nugent’s rant was so over-the-top stupid that it even beat out his comments on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day for admission to this list (spoiler alert: they were offensive).
And for those of you still keeping score at home, the Ted Nugent “dead or in jail” clock is now at negative nine months.
3. Tim Donnelly
Donnelly, who is a co-founder of the nativist Minuteman movement in California, is running a Tea Party-backed campaign for governor in 2014. According to his new campaign ad, his main qualifications appear to be his dog (a chihuahua named “Tequila”), his wife (the “sexiest woman in California”), and his huge testicles.
With crazy ads like this, Donnelly could have a bright future in Republican politics (as long as he gets rid of all the Spanish, of course).
2. Glenn Beck
Glenn Beck makes his triumphant return to the list at number two, for yet another prediction of our imminent, Terminator-fueled demise.
This time, according to Beck, it’s Google that is going to destroy the world — evidently by ignoring God, and ripping off the plot of Attack of the Clones:
Apparently the Star Wars movies have now joined The Terminator in Beck’s library of science fact. And no, I still haven’t read The Singularity.
1. Gordon Klingenschmitt
This week’s “winner” is Colorado legislature candidate and militant gay-fearer Gordon Klingenschmitt.
It may not shock you to learn that Klingenschmitt is not a big fan of his home state’s decision to legalize the recreational use of marijuana. Klingenschmitt’s concerns are twofold: First, he’s worried that poor people can buy weed with food stamps (they can’t). Second, he fears that demons are getting you high. Seriously.
“There is a demonic spirit of drunkenness and it’s not just alcohol,” Klingenschmitt warned. “Why do you think you have hallucinations? These spiritual visions that you have are not just biological; they’re actually demonic.”
Now that weed has apparently joined gay people and Madonna on the list of things that demons control, it’s probably only a matter of time before a militant breaks into Klingenschmitt’s house and lights up.
Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments!