This Week In Crazy: Special Marriage Equality Insanity Edition

This Week In Crazy: Special Marriage Equality Insanity Edition

When five Justices legalized same-sex marriage nationwide last Friday, they released a torrent of unhinged rage from the conservative right wing. For those who appreciate such demented howling from the fire-and-brimstone crowd, this week has just been a buffet of ire, bigotry, unreason, and insanity.

Where to even begin? There’s the Indiana woman who had an apoplectic meltdown, shrieking and yowling, blaming “Islaaaaaaaamic extremlists [sic]” like Obama. There’s the Texas pastor who threatened to set himself on fire if same-sex marriage became legal (and when asked to put up or shut up, he clarified that he was speaking metaphorically). American Family Association’s’ own Bryan Fischer took to Twitter to say “6/26 is now our 9/11” because June 26 was “the day the twin towers of truth and righteousness were blown up by moral jihadists.”  There’s this Breitbart hack who thinks the “Gaystapo” is going to destroy churches now. Then there’s the constellation of GOP presidential candidates — who are either pandering to the worst elements of their base since none of them can support the ruling and make it through the primary alive, or they’re actually intending to wage a holy war over this.

It’s been an embarrassment of riches (and embarrassment), but we’ve narrowed it down to the five most disturbed, outlandish reactions to the SCOTUS ruling. Love may have won, but some minds certainly got lost. Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing — It’s a special same-sex marriage edition. Starting with number five:

5.Tim Brooks

thumbArkansas pastor Tim Brooks has distinguished himself from the rest of this cavalcade of kook by insisting that the SCOTUS ruling has empowered gays to force straight people to “come out and have sex with us.”

Speaking on the Wallbuilders radio program Monday, Brooks asserted that the only logical endgame for the “homosexual agenda” is forced participation. Nothing else will sate the mad, frenzied lust of the dreaded gays — not equal rights, not equal treatment in the eyes of the law, not non-discriminatory legislation — only the mass indoctrination of the straight community to compulsory carnal knowledge of the same sex.

“Here is the only thing that will satisfy this agenda, and it’s very clear,” Brooks wailed. “Participation. ‘We want you to come out of your house and participate with us.'”

Right Wing Watch has the audio here.

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ViaDaily Kos andRight Wing Watch

Next: Tom DeLay 

4. Tom DeLay

400px-TomDeLayFormer House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-TX) got his crazy on in a big way, when he popped into Newsmax TV Tuesday to let Americans in on a little secret: DeLay has knowledge of a “secret memo” making the rounds at the Justice Department, which proves that Big Gubmint intends to legalize 12 — count ’em, 12 — new perversions, while at the same time passing new legislation against God-fearing Christians.

Because now that same-sex marriage is legal, it makes sense that we would also want to legalize “bestiality” and “having sex with little boys.”

He goes on to say this memo includes a “whole list of strategies to go after the churches, the pastors, and any businesses that tries to assert their religious liberty.”

“There coming down with 12 new perversions,” DeLay said, laughing. “LGBT just isn’t — is only the beginning. They’re gonna start expanding it to the other perversions.”

Although he insists that the memo includes12 new perversions, he only names three, which either betrays a lack of imagination on DeLay’s part or just shows that the voices in his head thought it would be easier to remember one simple number.

Right Wing Watch has the video:

ViaRight Wing Watch

Next: Franklin Graham

3. Franklin Graham

2015-06-26-franklin-graham-todd-starnes-god-judgment-gay-marriage-640Reverend Billy Graham’s son, Franklin Graham, has already made a big fuss over marriage equality, as you might expect from an evangelical luminary. He’s said God’s judgment was coming for us all; he pulled his money out of Wells Fargo after they ran an ad featuring a married couple (both women, I guess I should mention), and threw a hissy fit when comic book character came out as gay.

But now, Rev. Graham II has really had it. It’s not bad enough that marriage has been extended to couples of the same sex. But they had to co-opt the rainbow — for heaven’s sake! Yes, the rainbow, long a symbol of the gay pride movement has, since the Obergefell ruling, flown loudly and proudly in rallies, parades, on Facebook, and, in a historic and beautiful moment, on the White House facade.

To paraphrase Graham’s remarks: “They may take our marriage, but they’ll never take our rainbow!”

No, what the Tar Heel twit actually said was:

The President had the White House lit up in rainbow colors to celebrate the Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage. This is outrageous—a real slap in the face to the millions of Americans who do not support same-sex marriage and whose voice is being ignored. God is the one who gave the rainbow, and it was associated with His judgment

[…] So, when we see the gay pride rainbow splashed on business advertisements and many people’s Facebook pages, may it remind all of us of God’s judgment to come. Are you ready? Are your sins forgiven?

ViaThe New Civil Rights Movement

Next: John Zmirak

2. John Zmirak

height.200.no_border.width.200Meet John Zmirak — screenwriter, conservative columnist, and guest star on this plane we call reality. He touches down for an appearance or two on talk radio, before blasting back to his sad, skewed little galaxy where the genocide of U.S. Christians is imminent and equal rights for gays will necessarily lead to compulsory mass euthanasia.

On Wednesday, Zmirak went on “The Eric Metaxas Show” to warn us all about the forthcoming “Gay Sharia.”

Zmirak agreed that marriage equality will prove more dangerous to Americans than ISIS. He hypothesized that the SCOTUS ruling would create a two-tiered system of churches — one supportive of the New Gay Order, one that gets persecuted — like you find in Putin’s Russia or Red China, and “also replicates the system of Sharia.” So the left should just “go ahead and admit that, essentially, this is ‘Gay Sharia.'”

There you have it, America. Two men get married and suddenly the federal government unleashes some post-Soviet/communist-Chinese/Islamic-theocratic voodoo that’s going to censure all Christians who stick to their guns (in some cases, literally).

“Sharia” is a common bugaboo for Zmirak and his ilk — and it’s perennially amusing the way they’ve managed to demonize theocracies and religious fundamentalists abroad, while trying — and slowly failing — to establish their own brand at home.

[soundcloud url=”″ params=”color=ff5500″ width=”100%” height=”166″ iframe=”true” /]

ViaRight Wing Watch

Next: Bryan Fischer 

1. Bryan Fischer

BrianFischerAs mentioned earlier, the cretinous Fischer took to Twitter the day of the ruling to draw parallels between 9/11 and marriage equality. Because granting rights equals mass murder.

Recall that this man is so vile that the hate group he was once a director of, the American Family Association (AFA), had to disavow some of his remarks.

Fischer published a post on the AFA’s blog Thursday, furthering the meritless (but rhetorically potent) narrative of Christian persecution. Since the highest court ruled in favor of petitioners in Obergefell, Fischer writes: “The ultimate outcome of this unconscionable act is that one day, before too long, it will be officially illegal for Christians to hold public office in the United States.” (Not an issue at the moment, by the way.)

Fischer posits an apocalyptic dystopia where, in order to get elected, you need to not cling to an ideology that relegates an entire segment of the population to being second-class citizens. He takes aim at anti-discrimination language from a proposed city ordinance, which stated that, basically, the city wouldn’t appoint someone found guilty of discriminating against people for, among other things, their sexual orientation.

Fischer’s dystopian rant suggests that the left will force candidates to sign “an affidavit of affirmation (or its equivalent) for homosexual ‘marriage'” or “argue we cannot let an individual with such antiquated […] views assume public office.”

“Holding to a natural view of marriage,” he concludes, “will become a disqualification for public office.”

In Fischer’s schema, anti-discrimination policies and laws interfere with a person of conscience’s ability to freely practice their discrimination under the aegis of a First Amendment right. The horror, the horror.

Because the only “real Christians” are the ones who think like Bryan Fischer, right? (Actually, no.)

Photo above: Sea Turtle via Flickr


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