This Week In Crazy: Common Core Makes Your Kids Gay, And The Rest Of The Worst Of The Right
Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:
5. Dinesh D’Souza
During a 40-minute (!) speech at equally crazy Rep. Louie Gohmert’s birthday party (!!), D’Souza attempted to explain how “Obama and the progressives” are “waging war against the wealth creators.”
“They allege that the wealth of America is based on theft, and it’s the right of the government to come and seize your wealth, and my wealth because that wealth is stolen goods,” D’Souza said. “And they have an elaborate historical and contemporary argument to prove it. In effect, what they’re saying is that your stuff that’s in your house — your TV, your couch, your savings accounts, your kids’ college account — that’s sort of like Nazi stolen art. It belongs to somebody else.”
That’s right — just like the Nazis murdered Jews and stole their possessions, so too will Obama seize your couch. Just like he learned playing African Monopoly!
And that tortured analogy may not even have been the craziest part of D’Souza’s speech; that would be when he praised Gohmert for possessing “the kind of American spirit, and fortitude, and good sense, but also practicality that’s very much needed today.”
Let’s see how that’s working out for him…
4. Louie Gohmert
Unfortunately, turning 61 doesn’t appear to have made Congressman Gohmert any wiser.
During an appearance on SiriusXM’s The Wilkow Majority, Gohmert explained why President Obama won’t actually do anything to stop ISIS from taking over Iraq: Because “six top advisors to President Obama are Muslim brothers.”
“If you’re Commander-in-Chief you can’t be listening to Muslim brothers advise on when it’s time to stop destroying Muslim brothers,” Gohmert explained.
But if Obama’s “Muslim brothers” are really manipulating events to ISIS’ benefit, they aren’t doing a very good job.
3. Sarah Palin
Failed vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin apparently still hasn’t gotten over the 2008 presidential election. In excerpts released this week from a new book on the history of Saturday Night Live, Palin claims that Tina Fey — who infamously mocked Palin’s inept interviews — owes her career to Palin.
“I know that they portrayed me as an idiot, and I hated that,” Palin says in the book, apparently unaware that Fey quoted her nearly verbatim on SNL.
“If I ran into Tina Fey again today, I would say: ‘You need to at least pay for my kids’ braces or something from all the money that you made off of pretending that you’re me!'” Palin added. “‘My goodness, you capitalized on that! Can’t you contribute a little bit? Jeez!'”
Of course, by any objective measure, Fey — who had won five Emmy awards by the time John McCain made the worst mistake of his career — was already plenty successful before she began mocking the half-term governor of Alaska. But if, for some reason, Fey does feel the need to pay Palin back, maybe she could give some advice on how to make Palin TV a bit more intentionally hilarious.
2. Pat Robertson
Televangelist Pat Robertson is not the first conservative to call for a revolution, but he definitely has the weirdest reason.
On Wednesday’s edition of The 700 Club, Robertson recounted his last visit to the doctor. It took longer than he wanted, because the nurse questioned him at length about his medical history and logged the information into a computer. This, naturally, is Obamacare’s fault. And that, naturally, leaves us with no choice but to overthrow the government.
“It isn’t right,” Robertson lamented. “Ladies and gentlemen, we need a revolution to stop these so-called progressives from destroying this country anymore. But they’re getting pretty close to the tipping point. It is not a pleasant scenario.”
Of course, not everybody will want to overthrow the socialist government because of long doctor’s appointments. After all, some people enjoy their sickness.
1. Tea Party of Louisiana
Senator David Vitter (R-LA) is consistently rated as one of the most conservative members of Congress, but that’s not good enough for this week’s “winners,” the Tea Party of Louisiana. On Monday, the group expressed its “shock and outrage” at Vitter for supporting the Common Core educational standards, and declared that he is a “turncoat of liberty.”
Why does the group hate Common Core so badly? As the Times-Picayunereports, it was upset that the lessons will turn the students gay:
That first bulletpoint from the Tea Party group’s press release comes from a website called Broken World News. As the Times-Picayune notes, the site’s about page contains the disclaimer, “If you believe any of the shit you read here you are a freaking moron.”
The group eventually realized that Common Core is not an official gay indoctrination plot, and removed the link from its website. No word on whether Lenar Whitney is also satire, though.
Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments!
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