By Henry Decker

Santorum Reveals Plan To Save The GOP: Defund Planned Parenthood

April 8, 2013 4:59 pm Category: Memo Pad, Politics 108 Comments A+ / A-
Santorum Reveals Plan To Save The GOP: Defund Planned Parenthood

Since Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus introduced the “Growth and Opportunity Project” in mid-March, the party has proven over and over and over again that it just isn’t ready to change.

The latest example of the GOP being intellectually and politically stuck in the 2012 presidential primaries comes courtesy of one of the stars of those disastrous contests: former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum. According to Santorum, the Republican Party’s path to revitalization is not a new round of engagement with women, young voters, and other groups that delivered an electoral landslide to President Barack Obama in November. No, Santorum has a different plan for saving the GOP: defunding Planned Parenthood.

The Raw Story reports that Santorum presented his three-point plan to save the party in a fundraising email over the weekend: mobilizing “pro-family conservatives,” “refuting the lies and half-truths that our detractors in the GOP are spreading about us,” and attacking the women’s’ health care provider.

“[W]e are going to push Republican congressional leaders to defund the monstrosity that is Planned Parenthood,” Santorum wrote. “Too many in the GOP want to ignore the millions of innocent lives that have been extinguished by this vile organization. Defunding Planned Parenthood is a winning issue. The polls prove it.”

In reality, polls prove the exact opposite — Americans oppose cutting the organization’s budget, and there’s reason to believe that Mitt Romney’s insistence on attacking Planned Parenthood cost him dearly on election night — but it comes as no surprise that Santorum, who lost his last general election by 17 points, would ignore the numbers.

But Santorum’s plan could signal a serious problem for the Republican Party. Despite the RNC’s effort to moderate the GOP’s tone with an eye towards the 2016 election, it’s clear that extreme right-wing rhetoric will still play a major role as the party settles on a nominee. In fact, Santorum himself may be the messenger once again.

All of the rebranding efforts in the world — even the NRCC’s nifty new website, which features a BuzzFeed-style “13 Animals That Are Really Bummed About Obamacare” listicle (but almost no mention of the word “Republican”) — won’t make a difference as long as the party is represented by ambassadors like Rick Santorum.

Photo: Gage Skidmore via Flickr.com

Santorum Reveals Plan To Save The GOP: Defund Planned Parenthood Reviewed by on . Since Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus introduced the "Growth and Opportunity Project" in mid-March, the party has proven over and over and Since Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus introduced the "Growth and Opportunity Project" in mid-March, the party has proven over and over and Rating:

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  • ORAXX

    Santorum is an imbecile but, I’m perfectly willing to let him go on thinking this qualifies as a great idea.

  • Sand_Cat

    So Torquemada Santorum is back at it: long may he haunt the GOP primaries.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dominick.vila.1 Dominick Vila

    Did I read this right? Rick Santorum is going to save the GOP by defunding Planned Parenthood? How original!

    • wesley rasmussen

      You mean HOW REPUBLICAN, right? LOL

    • lana ward

      I don’t appreciate my money going to murder babies. Use your money , NOT mine, perverts

      • http://mohammeddressup.com/ I Zheet M’Drawz

        But we enjoy how angry it makes you right wing nuts.

        • lana ward

          I hope every “person ” who murders their baby, dies from a botched abortion!! BTY, what about the war on babies? What about their rights, murderer?

        • lana ward

          Baby murderer, Kermit Gosnell is on trial right now for murdering babies. One of his workers heard a baby screaming as he was being murdered. Doesn’t that just make you feel all warm and fuzzy, you rotten puke?

      • madsatyrist

        I do. Got a clinic that need a donation today?

        • english_teacher

          Great idea! Every time Lana makes one of her unbalanced comments about her opposition to the legal medical procedure of abortion, we should donate to Planned Parenthood. I’m sending off a check to them now. We can use her to support a worthy organization that provides healthcare services to women.

          • catball

            I use to use planned parenthood all the time, and not for abortions. I have a heart problem. I went there to have my heart and blood pressure checked. Now I can’t go because king Gov. Brownback decided to closed all of them in Kansas.

      • disqus_fsqeoY3FsG

        Lana you really need to calm down. 1. your money goes to murdering babies when Republicans got us into 2 wars – 1 necessary 1 a lie. 2. No federal funds received by planned parent hood pays for abortions. Republicans have investigated twice and found they were operating within the law concerning the use of the funds they receive. 3. You make a comment that you hope every person who has an abortion dies from a botched abortion – what kind of person are you? Do you claim to be Christian, because you certainly do not act like a good devout Christian.

        • lana ward

          Kermit Gosner is on trial right now for murdering babies. Investigators found jars of babies feet and hands and one of his “workers” on the stand said she heard a baby screaming at the hands of Gosner. Doesn’t that just make you feel warm and fuzzy all over?? He deserves the same fate as Tiller!!!

          • disqus_fsqeoY3FsG

            Ms. Ward you really need to seek counseling. You can not claim to be a Pro Life Christian and than wish other people to die.

          • lana ward

            You love killing babies. Maybe you can get a jar of hands and feet for comfort

          • disqus_fsqeoY3FsG

            You are a sick, twisted human being and you need serious help. Before you do harm to yourself or someone else, seek professional help. Do not bother to respond because this conversation is over.

          • lana ward

            And it’s not sick and twisted to murder babies. You’re right ,I don’t like baby murders–this conversation is over

    • lana ward

      I don’t want my money going to murder babies and MANY others don’t either. You tell me what is wrong with that, baby murderer??

  • BDC_57

    Santorum is a teabagger puppet. He is only kissing the tea party ass.

  • Eleanore Whitaker

    Will someone please pull the plug on the amplifier mouth Santorum? This guy is so in love with himself and his voice, he never shuts up long enough to hear the stupidity he’s spouting. The GOP wants nothing more than to continue to deny women’s rights up to and including their voting rights. Why? Because the US has a population majority of women. So these GOP males from the Planet Norquistian, fear women will enter politics and ruin all the GOP has built upon crony capitalism and corruption for 235 plus years. Watch in the coming days just how these GOP eunochs work hard to demolish women’s rights. Why? Does the name Hillary Clinton remind you of their worst nightmare?

    • BDC_57

      Thats why he will never get the women vote.

      • ococoob

        He’ll never get mine!

  • stcroixcarp

    Think of the millions of innocent lives extinguished by Planned Parenthood. Then think of the millions of innocent lives extinguished by war, gun violence, lack of medical care, clean water, and food. Think of the disease, suffering and death caused by industrial pollution, oil spills and nuclear contamination. Think of the innocent species driven to extension by greed. Think of our ravaged planet.

  • http://www.facebook.com/commserver Jim Lou

    Ricky is still feeling his oats. He couldn’t convince his former constituents so he needs a new act.

  • http://twitter.com/Baremid R. DuFresne

    Glad to see GOP still beating a VERY dead horse going after Planned Parenthood. Long as they continue supporting failing ideas, USA has a chance to remove their vile influence.

    • BDC_57

      Ther are burying them selfs.

      • lana ward

        And dems are burying babies they’ve mudered

    • lana ward

      What do you think God thinks of murdering those created in his image?, monster

      • http://www.facebook.com/michael.hansen.58555941 Michael Hansen

        LANA you need help from them. They deal with mental issues just like yours.

        • lana ward

          What about the war on babies?

        • lana ward

          You need help from God to change your wicked heart

  • tobyspeeks

    During the primaries, either in an interview or during one of the debates this incredibly dim bulb said banning abortion outright will create more voters for the GOP. He explained that all the ‘millions’ of babies not aborted each year will make them grateful for the GOP and therefore when eligible they would vote Teabilly. And don’t forget he took his dead baby home from the hospital for a couple days so his other children could ‘bond’ with it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mary-Ann-Hoogeveen/100001288045325 Mary Ann Hoogeveen

    Santorum is an idiot,he needs to keep on talking,as a demorcrat,I love it.

    • lana ward

      I wonder how many babies Tiller is murdering these days!! :))

      • english_teacher

        Actually, he never murder babies but provided a needed medical service. Unfortunately, he was murdered by someone who is as crazy as you are.

        • lana ward

          Tiller provided a wanted service, murder. No matter how you word it, there were dead babies. He got what he deserved.

          • english_teacher

            If you consider abortion murder (which it isn’t) and murder is a crime (which it is), what should be the punishment for women who have abortions? In some states, the penalty for murder is capital punishment. What are your feelings on a woman having a lethal injection because she was convicted of having an abortion?

          • lana ward

            If you have an abortion, you should be made to have a hysterectomy and spend some time in jail

          • english_teacher

            But if you say it’s murder, then the penalties for murder apply. Otherwise, it’s not murder.

          • lana ward

            If they thought they would be charged with murder, they wouldn’t have it done. If they were forced to see an ultra sound and saw their baby trying to suck his thumb, they wouldn’t have it done either. If knowing this and they still have an abortion, then they are heartless and I would give them life in prison

          • english_teacher

            As if penalties for murder have stopped people in other situations.

            BTW, fetuses don’t begin thumb-sucking until the 29th week, well after the first trimester when most abortions are performed. Ultra-sound is nothing more than an unnecessary invasive procedure that only serves anti-choice ideological purposes.

            I’ve wasted enough time with you for today. The only heartless one here is you and your Taliban mentality. My most fervent wish is that you are re-born as a woman into a Taliban-like society with the severe limitations on women that you want to impose. Enjoy your next re-incarnation.

          • lana ward

            Ultra sound is not invasive in any way and if it could save babies lives, it sure is worth a try. There is no re-incarnation. what you are now(soul) is what you are forever. Why isn’t the MSM reporting the story about Kermit Gosnell and him murdering all of those live babies??

          • english_teacher

            You obviously have never had an ultrasound. If there is no reincarnation and what you are now is what you are forever, then you will always be the hateful, judgmental, bigoted, and ignorant person that you are now. Ain’t karma great!

          • lana ward

            Why isn’t the MSM, any of them talking about Kermit Gosnell? They get paid to report news. Why are they all ignoring this story??

          • lana ward

            Bark, bark, bark, that’s all you do. Are you one of the communist teachers teaching our kids? Most teachers and professors are communists indoctrinating our kids into communist and hating America–and they think they deserve more money for that

          • lana ward

            Type in the name, Kermit Gosnell. He is an abortion Dr. on trial for murdering babies. None of the MSM is reporting this story, they don’t think it is important enough. It’s been on Fox News and some of my sites. This guy is accused of murdering as many as 100 live babies, cutting off hands and feet and putting them in jars. I can’t bring myself to read the article, just the headlines, it makes me so sick. Why won’t the MSM report this story–it’s VERY important!!!!

          • english_teacher

            I’m not defending Kermit Gosnell and I’ve read about him. He is a monster who took advantage of poor and immigrant women. However, if you get your way and all abortion is outlawed, then the Kermit Gosnells will multiply behind the scenes. It will be not just fetuses but living, breathing, thinking women who will die. Their deaths will be upon your head.

          • lana ward

            won’t the MSM report this story?? And many other stories on Obama.? Thank God for Fox News or I would know nothing

          • english_teacher

            Actually, it is because of Fox News and similar mouthpieces that you do know nothing but, because you know nothing, you don’t know that you know nothing.

          • lana ward

            Why won’t the MSM report this story??

          • catball

            You poor thing. Know wonder your brains are scrambled. You are listening to nothing but lies. Check out other cable news channels and the truth will set up free!

          • lana ward

            Why won;t the MSM report on “Dr” Kermit Gosnell and how he is on trial right now for murdering live babies!!!

          • lana ward

            I told you the MSM reports only what they want you to hear!! You need to watch Fox, you will have a different opinion of your “savior” in the WH—THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE!!!!!

          • http://www.facebook.com/russell.byrd.14 Russell Byrd

            Lana, nothing you say will ever set anyone free.

          • lana ward

            No wonder your brains are scrambled–you are listening to nothing but lies

          • http://www.facebook.com/russell.byrd.14 Russell Byrd

            Well, you got it half right.

          • lana ward

            Their deaths won’t be on my head. If they die, they won’t be able to murder any more babies

          • english_teacher

            Then you are saying that it is okay for living, breathing women to die who may have family or other responsibilities but it’s not okay for fetuses to die which cannot survive outside the womb.

          • english_teacher

            If you say it’s murder, then explain to me why the penalties for murder, including capital punishment, do not apply. If the murder penalties don’t apply, then it’s not murder.

      • catball

        Tiller is dead you ding dong. He was in church and a crazy pub shot him. Now the pub is in Lansing for life. However, Mr. Tiller’s clinic is going to open again in about a month.

        • lana ward

          Church was the best place for him to be shot. He had no business being there, he wasn’t repenting of his murdering sins

  • http://twitter.com/RMurphy4709 Robert J Murphy

    And the war on women continues with this fool Santorum

    • lana ward

      What about the war on babies, you murdering puke!!!

      • catball

        Wow!!! What cage did they let you out of?

  • Fairplay4

    I wonder what attracts neanderthals to the GOP. You have Sarah, Ted, Michele, the other Rick, Rand, the Faux crew, Rush, Glenn, West, et al.

    • Burzghash

      Not every conservative is a moron, but every moron is a conservative.

      • lana ward

        Only a communist would say you’re a moron for not wanting their money going to murder babies. You’re a bunch of murdering pukes!!

        • http://mohammeddressup.com/ I Zheet M’Drawz

          And Jesus was gay.

          • lana ward

            And Obama is queer, and a leader in the muslim brotherhood, and a communist–and you stink, shit drawers

          • Burzghash

            Oh Lana, glad to see you’re still delightfully crazy :3

          • http://mohammeddressup.com/ I Zheet M’Drawz

            How do you make a dead baby float?
            One scoup of vanilla ice cream & one scoup of dead baby.

          • lana ward

            I see God allowed you to wake up this morning. But I don’t see why

          • http://www.facebook.com/russell.byrd.14 Russell Byrd

            Oh, you mean, He did not consult you? How shocking.

  • http://twitter.com/jjhcat Howard Ahmanson

    While I would be happy to defund Planned Parenthood, it won’t save the GOP. We need alternatives; other sources for prenatal and other women’s health care for the poor, support for adopting out (Why should people have to go to Russia to adopt babies?), sex education that tells the whole truth while not corrupting the morals of our youth; and yes, access to contraception, though not handed out for free in high schools please; and remember that only condoms, the cheapest form, provide a degree of protection (however imperfect) against STDs.

    • Barbara Morgan

      People don’t have to go to Russia to adopt children there are lots of children to be adopted. The problem is that most of them are not blond hair, blue eyed and white, they are multiracial, or some other race than white and too many people want white babies not children that are older so they go to Russia to adopt also here is the US it is harder to adopt children because the agencies try to make sure that sex offenders aren’t attempting to adopt child or some one that would abuse the child doesn’t adopt . That takes time to check out adopters to make sure what type of people they are and it cost more so they say to adopt in the US so they go to other Countries to save money and time to adopt. You would be glad to defund Planned Parenthood why? They do things to help a woman delivers a healthy child and that the mother is healthy during pregnancy and after the baby is deliviered and helps keep that baby healthy , they do cancer screenings , STDS screenings for both sexes Abortions is only 3% of what they do and not all Planned Parenthood clinics do abortions. Are you one of these that want women to go back to using coat hangers and back alley abortionsest to get an abortion if her protection fails, or is she pregnant because of rape or incest. Are you also willing to let a woman die just to have the bioloigcal matter in her womb become a baby which will probably be delivered dead or die shortly afterwards.How many of the unwanted children in the US have you adopted or are you like most anti abortion people you want the woman to have the baby and as soon as it is born you care about it no more,. After the deliverly walk away and then go to your Congressman to tell him to vote against Wick, welfare, and foodstamps things that help the newborn and its mother to live.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jason.bruce.5264 Jason Bruce

      Your a dumbass

      • metrognome3830

        Nah! He just woke up from a long nap and thinks it’s still 1913 instead of 2013. Wake up, Howard. Wake up! You’re having that stupid dream again.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dennis.hoover2 Dennis Hoover

    The Good Christian Far Right and TBabbler Repugnants version of ‘Jeebus’ just loves this Fanatic Ricky, Lets remember that this guy is a member of the christian “FAITH” responsible for more hocus pocus ans superstitions in the worlds christian religion than even muslims. Shouldn’t his backward superstitious faith warn us that something is wrong with this guy? that we don’t want such fanatic ‘believers’ making decisions for our purposely made secular government ? Our country was formed to get away from religiously influenced governing, the last thing we need is to move toward fanatics of his ilk.

    • plc97477

      The funny part is that the same people that think morals should be written in the constitution are the same ones that rave against sheria law. Don’t they realize it is the same thing.

      • http://www.facebook.com/dennis.hoover2 Dennis Hoover

        I don’t think they even consider the whole picture, they would have taken back to the days where the ‘church’ controlled the government as it did in the dark ages and kept the public ignorant and killed millions who didn’t see things as their church did.

  • elw

    Personally I hope they choose Santorum and others like him to lead in the next elections, it will make it more likely that Moderate and Progressive Democrats will win. Most people will not vote for such an extreme agenda.

  • jointerjohn

    Former Senator Santorum makes me wish abortion was retroactive in selected cases. He and his kind see women and children as mere property. American women voting republican is just about the most masochistic thing they could ever do.

  • JDavidS

    Yeah…how’d that work out for ya last November, Ricky? Some advice…don’t go away mad, Rick…just go away.

    • plc97477

      If he won’t go away at least keep talking it is making it easier for dems.

  • adriancrutch

    If the logo “Planned Parenthood” was the name of an ABORTION CLINIC! Then it must have been a Republican idea! They always come up with something that IS the opposite of what is INTENDED! Like “Right to Work”! Thank GOD,Bobby Jindal gave them a name that STICKS=THE STUPID PARTY! Abortions are probably 1% of the facility work. It just depends on how many women want to abort on a given day? Considering what republican white males think of RAPE, I’d say 95% of the abortions are republican rape fetuses! So let Rick AD Rectorum rant about something that is just a puritan view. I’m surprised that he actually buried his dead infant son and not stuffed him into a formaldhyde jar for the fireplace mantle? Yes! Folks! nothing like setting the clock back 200 years! Thanks Koch Bros.! Keep up the “GOOD” work!

    • http://www.facebook.com/ann.crownover Ann Crownover

      Who knows, maybe he did preserve his infant…

    • lana ward

      Kermit Gosnell, baby murderer is on trial right now for murdering babies. Investigators found jars with babies feet and hands in them. Isn’t that just lovely?? One his workers, on the stand said she heard a baby screaming as he was being murdered.–WHAT ABOUT THE WAR ON BABIES, you puke!!!

      • catball

        Who in the hell is Kermit Gosnell? I have the news on 24-7 and I’ve never of him. Are you sure you’re not dreaming this up. The jars and feet and so on.

        • lana ward

          Type in his name, his profile will come up. I told you the MSM won’t report anything they don’t want you to hear. He is on trial right now for murdering live babies

        • lana ward

          I know you don’t like Fox News, but that is where I heard this first. Now I’ve seen it on 3 of my sites. Pat Dollard, Breitbart and Alex Jones Infowars

          • catball

            If you got this story off of Fox news, it’s a lie and this guy probably is a madeup name. Fox does that to keep people like you watching them. It’s almost like a brain washing. Please watch anything but Fox.

          • lana ward

            Type in Kermit Gosnell, see what comes up

          • lana ward

            Well, well, well. I see the MSM couldn’t hide this story any longer, this is going to be fun watching them explain this one. Fox has been reporting on it for awhile and was wondering WHY no one else was reporting it!! I wonder how many other baby murderers are doing things this sick SOB was doing

          • catball

            Think about it! If this were true it would be on national news. This is all made up crap. It’s just been a slow news day for Fox. Stop watching them and move on.

          • lana ward

            Boy are you going to be surprised. Type in his name, see if he isn’t on trial right now. I have seen clips of it, you uninformed fool. The MSM censers news. They have even admitted it!!

          • lana ward

            Fox is National News. MSM is a different story–stop watching them and move on!!!

        • lana ward

          I read on my sites that all of the MSM is avoiding this story. They don’t think its important, so we the people don’t need to know about it. There is alot in politics they won’t report, so that’s why you haven’t heard about it!!!!!

        • lana ward

          Did you find out who Kermit Gosnell is??

  • jakenhyde

    Santorum?…..Santorum?….. I actually think I’ve heard that name somewhere. Trying to remember. Ahhhhh….I have it!!!! He’s the guy who took a dead fetus home to introduce it to his kids. I think I heard that he also slept with it. Yeah….that would be the guy. Has he been released from the asylum yet?

  • Bill

    The GOP worries about you only until your born and then you are on your own. All they are looking for are slaves for the rich and people to fight their Wars.

  • pissedofffromcalifcentral

    Santorum is the best Democratic advertisement that we could possibly have, even if it is unintentional.

  • http://www.facebook.com/BaronSieggy Siegfried Heydrich

    SANTORUM / RUBIO 2016
    Frothy con Salsa

  • howa4x

    He wants the right wing spotlight since without it he would be Mr. nobody. He did the same thing to Romney, by dragging him too far to the right to get back to the center. Now he is trying to split the party between those who want to win and religious conservatives. Seems like deja vu all over again. He fits the true definition of insanity, that is by trying over and over again with a rejected message, and expecting a different outcome

  • Mark McKennon

    If it’s accurate that the great majority of Planned Parenthood’s services are
    non-reproductive health issues, then it would be proper to know where
    Saint Santorum gets the facts for his rhetoric about the “millions of
    innocent lives that have been extinguished by this vile organization.”
    It would also be good to know exactly where this weasel of eloquence and
    precision places his words about other innocent lives that have been
    extinguished, like the 20 children and 6 adults in Newtown, or the movie
    theater patrons in Aurora, or the thousands of people gunned down or caught in
    crossfires or murdered by strangers every year. We seldom or never hear
    anything remotely like rage from Santorum and his ilk about sentient, emoting,
    vibrant children and adults who have been snuffed out by the Constitutional
    right to carry a tool of death, only about the zygotes and fetuses whose
    potential the likes of cruel and vile Planned Parenthood has denied to God.
    That said, if brought to term, the Republican philosophy of government
    and economic management couldn’t too well accommodate most of them anyhow.
    Except perhaps offer them a job in the military for the wars they seem
    determined to keep waging. So this could explain some of the right’s fixation
    on the uterus of the U.S.: poor and middle class women must continue to have
    babies that remain poor and middle class, many of whom will in turn continue to
    need the lifeline of employment the uniform services provide, but that we have
    a lesser military machine without. And then, by God, we’d need the draft, and
    RomneyRyanSantorum sure don’t want their children in a war zone. Do they? So,
    pardon my cold cynicism, but this may be less about THE BIBLE than GOP Inc.
    lets on.

  • http://mohammeddressup.com/ I Zheet M’Drawz

    Sick Rantorum.

  • madsatyrist

    I love him. Encourage him to keep up the good work. With luck, the Dems might even take the house in 2014.

  • http://mohammeddressup.com/ I Zheet M’Drawz

    Planned Parenthood Opens $8 Billion Abortionplex

    The state-of-the-art facility, which features an IMAX movie theater as well as multiple fetus incinerators.

    TOPEKA, KS—Planned Parenthood announced Tuesday the grand opening of its long-planned $8 billion Abortionplex, a sprawling abortion facility that will allow the organization to terminate unborn lives with an efficiency never before thought possible.
    During a press conference, Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards told reporters that the new state-of-the-art fetus-killing facility located in the nation’s heartland offers quick, easy, in-and-out abortions to all women, and represents a bold reinvention of the group’s long-standing mission and values.
    “Although we’ve traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion,” said Richards, standing under a banner emblazoned with Planned Parenthood’s new slogan, “No Life Is Sacred.” “And since Congress voted to retain our federal funding, it’s going to be that much easier for us to maximize the number of tiny, beating hearts we stop every day.”
    “The Abortionplex’s high-tech machinery is capable of terminating one pregnancy every three seconds,” Richards added. “That’s almost a million abortions every month. We’re so thrilled!”
    The 900,000-square-foot facility has more than 2,000 rooms dedicated to the abortion procedure. The abundance of surgical space, Richards said, will ensure that women visiting the facility can be quickly fitted into stirrups without pausing to second-guess their decision or consider alternatives such as adoption. Hundreds of on-site counselors are also available to meet with clients free of charge and go over the many ways that carrying a child to term will burden them and very likely ruin their lives.
    The remaining space is dedicated to amenities such as coffee shops, bars, dozens of restaurants and retail outlets, a three-story nightclub, and a 10-screen multiplex theater—features intended not only to help clients relax, but to foster a sense of community and make abortion more of a social event.
    “We really want abortion to become a regular part of women’s lives, especially younger women who have enough fertile years ahead of them to potentially have dozens of abortions,” said Richards, adding that the Abortionplex would provide shuttle service to and from most residences, schools, and shopping malls in the region. “Our hope is for this facility to become a regular destination where a woman in her second trimester can whoop it up at karaoke and then kick back while we vacuum out the contents of her uterus.”
    “All women should feel like they have a home at the Abortionplex,” Richards continued. “Whether she’s a high school junior who doesn’t want to go to prom pregnant, a go-getter professional who can’t be bothered with the time commitment of raising a child, or a prostitute who knows getting an abortion is the easiest form of birth control—all are welcome.”
    Nineteen-year-old Marcy Kolrath, one of the Abortionplex’s first clients, told reporters that despite her initial hesitancy, she was quickly put at ease by staff members who reassured her that she could have abortions over and over for the next decade before finally committing to motherhood. Kolrath also said she was “wowed” by the facility’s many attractions.
    “I was kind of on the fence in the beginning,” she said. “But after a couple of margaritas and a ride down the lazy river they’ve got circling the place, I got caught up in the vibe. By the time it was over, I almost wished I could’ve aborted twins and gotten to stay a little longer.”
    “I told my boyfriend we had to have sex again that very night,” Kolrath added. “I really want to come back over Labor Day.”

  • http://mohammeddressup.com/ I Zheet M’Drawz

    Voters Slowly Realizing Santorum Believes Every Deranged Word That Comes Out Of His Mouth
    WASHINGTON—As Sick Rantorum emerged to become Mitt Romney’s leading opponent for the Republican presidential nomination, the American electorate said it had slowly begun to realize that the former Pennsylvania senator sincerely believes every deranged word that exits his mouth.
    Uneasy voters told reporters it was becoming more and more evident that comments from Rantorum defending sodomy laws as acceptable restrictions on “wants and passions” and characterizing pregnancy occurring through rape as a “gift” from God were not politically calculated but were, in fact, spoken out of sincere, startling conviction.
    “I honestly thought he was just playing up to the far-right voters, because that’s what Republicans are supposed to do in the primaries,” said Grand Rapids, MI resident Dan Banks, who explained he had dismissed as manipulative campaign rhetoric Rantorum’s assertion that President Obama would send Christians to the guillotine. “But now it’s dawning on me that this guy means it, all of it. Every single thing he says is an accurate depiction of how he sees the world.”
    “So, when he said that Satan was currently attacking the United States, he meant exactly that,” added Banks. “Satan, the devil himself, is attacking the United States. Sick Rantorum believes this is a real thing that is actually happening. I…wow. Just wow.”
    Gallup polls taken during the campaign show an evolving awareness among voters that Rantorum was not lying about any of the horrifying things he says. For example, in August of last year, 96 percent of voters said they thought Rantorum could not possibly be serious when he said gay marriage was “an issue just like 9/11,” compared with only 9 percent today. And in that same time span, the number of voters who believe Rantorum was not at all kidding when he said the president had a “deep-seated antipathy toward American values and traditions” has increased more than tenfold.
    While few voters said they had been following Rantorum long enough to have read the 2002 Catholic Online article in which he attributed sexual abuse in Boston-area Catholic churches to the “academic, political, and cultural liberalism” of the region, all agreed his performance in the recent campaign was more than adequate to drive home the difference between the candidate’s authentic lunacy and the obvious pandering of his primary opponents.
    “I get that Romney’s just mouthing words he doesn’t mean and Gingrich is a really astounding hypocrite,” said Seattle voter Kara Gallardo, a lifelong Republican who nevertheless admitted she felt a creeping sense of dread as she began to grasp that the words uttered by Rantorum could not be more heartfelt. “But when Rantorum said that contraception is dangerous because sex is supposed to be procreative, he is not messing around. If he became president, you know he sincerely planed to do something about it.”
    “I mean, with the other guys, you can dig into their past and find at least some shred of rational thinking, even if they’re cynically downplaying it now,” Gallardo continued. “But I get the sense Rantorum is speaking nothing but his completely unfiltered thoughts. I know it’s weird to say this about a politician, but I sort of wish he were lying to my face at least a little.”
    While most voters said they grew progressively more troubled as they fully registered the fact that Rantorum was being entirely earnest when he said Social Security was underfunded because abortions had critically reduced the number of potential taxpayers, some were more conflicted.
    “It’s nice to hear a candidate espouse his opinions without your BS detector going off even once,” Margate, FL voter Lisa Bearden said. “He’s kind of the real deal. Say what you will, but there’s no denying he’s got genuine integrity.”
    “Yep, terrifyingly genuine integrity,” Bearden added

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