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Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

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Late Night Roundup: Standing Behind Donald Trump

The late night shows were all discussing one topic: The Super Tuesday results, and Donald Trump’s continued takeover of the Republican Party.

Perhaps the single funniest bit came from Conan O’Brien and Andy Richter, who presented their own take on the image of Chris Christie standing behind Donald Trump, feeling all of his dignity slipping away. “He’s clearly standing beside someone he clearly loathes with every fiber his being…Seriously, the guy made a commitment, now he has to support this belligerent madman — day in, and day out!”

Trevor Noah and Hasan Minhaj explained Marco Rubio’s sheer denial at how awful he’s doing, and his plan at this point to get the nomination: It involves a typo of Donald Trump’s name on the New York ballot, and diverting Ted Cruz with a fake treasure map. “Rubio is either a genius,” Trevor declared, “or the most delusional man of all time.”

Larry Wilmore highlighted Ted Cruz’s very “infla-Ted” view of himself, with the idea that God’s will is for him to be president.

Stephen Colbert declared: “Americans in 13 states voted in Super Tuesday,” making that Wednesday, “‘My God, what have we done’ Wednesday.”

Seth Meyers examined the choice that Republicans now face: “Line up behind Trump and his racist rhetoric — or disavow their party’s own likely nominee.”

Jimmy Fallon presented his own take on Trump’s victory speech and press conference: “In fact, I don’t want to just win the presidency — I want to win the last season of American Idol.”

Jimmy Kimmel set out to get everybody used to the idea of Donald Trump as the Republican nominee — and possibly even the President of the United States — with this special video presentation: The various sounds that The Donald makes, set to the music of “Hail to the Chief.”

James Corden made his audience an offer: If immigration to Canada gets shut down, he might be able to take a few of them to England.

Late Night Roundup: The Latest Armed Takeover

The situation in Oregon suddenly spread to California last night, when an armed group calling itself “The Freedom Doers” took over Andy Richter’s lectern on the Conan O’Brien show. But as they came to realize, they didn’t really think this whole thing through.

Larry Wilmore looked at the contrast between Cleveland, where a black 12-year-old boy, Tamir Rice, was shot and killed by police — and Oregon, where an armed militia group (with real guns) has been able to take over the wildlife refuge, but authorities are hoping to resolve the situation peacefully. “Showing restraint is the right thing to do,” Larry said, “but in all cases!!!

Trevor Noah highlighted the New Year’s resolutions of all the Republican candidates — which were, of course, delivered on Fox News. But the best part was the New Year’s countdown by frontrunner Donald Trump: “And if you think about it, that actually makes sense. Donald Trump is basically the human embodiment of Times Square. Yeah, they’re both old, flashy, and full of garbage. And New Yorkers can’t understand what everyone else sees in them.”

Stephen Colbert examined the news that Jeb Bush sought to obtain a trademark on his signature “Jeb!” campaign logo, but the application has now lapsed. “That exclamation point really gets your attention — away from what his last name is.” But now the campaign can explore other punctuation options — like maybe “Jeb?”

Seth Meyers took a serious look at the state of the GOP field, and how there’s some reason to think Trump’s poll numbers might be softer than they appear, depending on his politically alienated supporters to actually show up.

Late Night Roundup: ‘Back To The Future Day’ — Great Scott!

Jimmy Kimmel celebrated “Back to the Future Day” — with a surprise visit from none other than the real Marty McFly and Doc Brown!

Thing is, Jimmy had to explain to them why there are no flying cars or peace in the Middle East — and they also talked about the threat of their great adversary “who became a a rich, evil and megalomaniacal casino owner and ruined the world.” But at least he was able to get in a selfie with these two cultural legends.

Jimmy also sat down with Bernie Sanders, who made his case for why he really would be electable:

Larry Wilmore looked at all the hype that CNN put into the run-up to Joe Biden’s announcement on Wednesday, and all their heated speculation of what he might say: “Why don’t you just wait five f@#$ing minutes?!”

Trevor Noah and Jessica Williams examined Paul Ryan’s demands of House Republicans, if they want him to become Speaker of the House:

And Conan O’Brien put forward another possible candidate for speaker: Andy Richter. “He’s a white male form the Midwest; he looks Christian; he’s comfortable behind a lectern; and he has a closet full of mildly ill-fitting suits.”

Late Night Roundup: The Ruby Slippers

Conan O’Brien discovered that simply telling some basic news about Donald Trump will get the audience laughing — when he was simply setting up the joke.

Conan and Andy Richter also discussed the recent theft of a true piece of Hollywood history: Judy Garland’s ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz. And it turns out Andy has been up to no good.

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Amy Schumer sat down with Jimmy Fallon — and told the story of a particularly vulgar prank she played on Katie Couric.