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Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

Welcome to “This Week In Crazy,” The National Memo’s weekly update on the wildest attacks, conspiracy theories, and other loony behavior from the increasingly unhinged right wing. Starting with number five:

5. Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck, who is apparently no longer concerned about tearing the country apart, checks in at number five this week for his latest in a long series of warnings that we’re all going to end up in internment camps.

On the Wednesday edition of his radio show, Beck explained that — just as Native Americans were imprisoned in the name of manifest destiny — so too will those who don’t support Obamacare and abortion rights end up in government camps:

He didn’t stop there; on Thursday, Beck dove into a theory about how a movement to boycott Israel was actually orchestrated by the White House — in a thinly veiled attempt to invade Jerusalem, and round up all of the American Jews who support Israel.

You know it’s a classic Beck conspiracy when both George Soros and a blackboard are involved.

4. Fox & Friends

Over the week, high school student Jewel Moore has gained a good deal of publicity for starting a petition lobbying Disney to create a plus-size princess to help provide positive role models for girls of all body types.

It may not shock you to learn that her idea did not go over well on Fox News.

On Thursday, Fox & Friends responded to the petition by welcoming guest MeMe Roth, a self-described obesity expert who does not appear to understand the difference between “plus-size” and “morbidly obese.”

“If you’re going to do a storyline with obesity, then you need to do Princess Diabetes, Princess Cancer, Princess Fertility Problems,” Roth said.

“It’s unhealthy,” Roth added. “If you like cancer and diabetes, if you want fertility problems, then plus-size is beautiful.”

As Media Matters points out, Roth is hardly a credible source on questions of body issues:

It is unclear why Fox presented Roth as qualified to speak on the plus-size Disney princess issue — she does not appear to have degrees in the nutrition or medical field, but instead is known for body-shaming through her National Action Against Obesity website and personal blog which carries the tag-line “MeMe Roth: Reporting From FATOPOLIS.” She has compared obese people to sex criminals and advocated for nutrition plans that sound a lot like anorexia.

Then again, all of this makes her the perfect guest for Fox & Friends, where bullying is just a “rite of passage.”

3. Gordon Klingenschmitt

Gordon Klingenschmitt

When it comes to bullying, however, Fox & Friends has nothing on Gordon Klingenschmitt. The reliably crazy Colorado state legislature candidate continued his loony battle against non-discrimination legislation on Tuesday, when he sent an email warning that an anti-bullying bill — the Student Non-Discrimination Act — is actually just Minnesota senator Al Franken’s way of “legislating pedophiles to recruit your kids.”

“Al Franken (D-MN) wants to require pedophilia in all public schools, in the form of mandatory pro-gay lectures to all public school children,” Klingenschmitt wrote. “Russia bans child-recruiting, but Al Franken wants to require pro-gay child recruiting.”

Conveniently, as it turns out, the best way to fight Franken’s pedophilia bill is to give Klingenschmitt your email address.

It should not shock you to learn that the Student Non-Discrimination Act does not “require pedophilia in all public schools” (nor does Russia’s extreme anti-gay bill merely ban pedophilia, for that matter).

But then, Klingenschmitt has never been big on facts. Stay tuned for his next email, in which Al Franken’s militant gays plan to have sex in your school.

2. Jim Bridenstine

When U.S. Representative Jim Bridenstine (R-OK) chose not to run for Senate, Tea Party groups lamented that they lost an opportunity to have a true believer join Congress’ upper chamber — and the Republican Party dodged a bullet.

Bridenstine’s constituents demonstrated the pitfalls of his brand of politics this week, when video emerged of a woman launching an epic tirade against President Obama at a Bridenstine event in Tulsa. Along with calling the president a “criminal” and a “moron,” the woman warned that Obama is shipping Muslims into the country “through pilots and commercial jets.”

“He should be executed,” the woman declared. “He’s an enemy combatant, really.”

Rather than condemning the treasonous charge, Bridenstine instead offered a conspiracy-laden rant of his own.

“Everybody knows the lawlessness of this president,” Bridenstine replied. He went on to charge that the president “uses the United Nations to try to change the laws of the United States,” specifically highlighting a (fictional) attempt to ban scary-looking guns.

Bridenstine’s tepid response does seem a bit weak, especially coming from a man who thinks of himself as a modern-day Patrick Henry. Perhaps if the concerned citizen wants a stronger reaction to her Muslim-smuggling conspiracy, she should hop over the border and attend some town halls in Texas.

1. George Zimmerman

George Zimmerman

This week’s “winner” is right-wing folk hero George Zimmerman, who is skipping several years of the usual pseudo-celebrity meltdown calendar, and jumping right ahead to “celebrity boxing match.”

On Wednesday, Celebrity Boxing promoter Damon Feldman announced that on March 1, Zimmerman will take part in a three-round match against rapper Earl Simmons, better known by his stage name, DMX.

That Zimmerman would step into the ring in a desperate attempt to stay relevant is not particularly surprising. That he’d fight DMX — who has been in a bout or two before — proves just how desperate for the spotlight Zimmerman actually is.

For his part, DMX appears to be feeling pretty optimistic about his chances in the ring.

“I am going to beat the living f**k out him,” the rapper told gossip site TMZ. “I am breaking every rule in boxing to make sure I f**k him right up.” He added that he will literally pee on Zimmerman’s face.

And thus, millions of Americans became trapped between their revulsion at Zimmerman continuing to profit from the shooting of an unarmed teenager, and their desire to see DMX beat him through the canvas.

I’ll offer two predictions about the coming fight: First, the man who claims that he needed a gun to defend himself against a 17-year-old is unlikely to make much of a boxer. Second, when Zimmerman loses, a whole host of WorldNetDaily columnists will be ready to declare the judges’ decision skewed.

Check out previous editions of This Week In Crazy here. Think we missed something? Let us know in the comments!

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