Every year the conservative movement gathers in Washington D.C. to see which politicians and reality stars it can attract. This year Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) and Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) join Donald Trump and Sarah Palin on stage.
But the real action happens in the panels, where last year in a minority outreach panel, someone actually argued that slavery was good — for slaves.
After seeing the actual title of an actual panel below, I decided to offer some other suggestions for panels that would fit iton this year’s convention — unaware that the Democratic National Committee had put together a fake schedule of its own.
Wait, this is real? This isn’t one of @LOLGOP‘s #CPACpanels? Like, really real? pic.twitter.com/Ee2bsiANKK
— Slade Sohmer (@SladeHV) March 6, 2014
Here they are:
How to Shame Women Out of Using Birth Control Without Going to the Boss #CPACPanels — LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How NOT to Bake a Penis Cake #CPACPanels — LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
You Say #Benghazi, I Say #BENGHAZI #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
What’s a Whitewater, a Filegate & a Paula Jones and Other Things You’ll Need to Scream About if Hillary Clinton Runs in 2016 #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How to Eat Gold #CPACPanels — LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Meet Someone Whose Tweet Calling a Liberal Stupid was Featured on Twitchy #CPACPanels — LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin Were Right About One Thing, Sort Of, Depending On How You Look At It #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
9 Ways to Work Kate Upton Into Your Blog Post So Your Readers Are Certain You’re Heterosexual #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How to Give Ted Cruz Money #CPACPanels — LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Nice Things The Koch Brothers Do When They Aren’t Trying To Destroy Social Security and Profit off a Climate Disaster #CPACPanels — LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Which Donald Trump Ex-Wife are You? #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
What Will Rick Santorum Try to Marry When Same-Sex Marriage Becomes Legal in All 50 States? #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Do We Like Marco Rubio Today? #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Someone Says “If You Like Your _____, You Can Keep Your ______” and We All Laugh #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How Same-Sex Marriage is More Dangerous Than Climate Change, Explained By a Meme Featuring a Topless Putin #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
“Lincoln Was a Republican!” and Other Things to Say as You’re Trying to Stop Black People from Voting #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How to Pretend George W. Bush Wasn’t the Worst President of the Last Century and Go Viral! Merica. #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Listen to a Person Who Used to Be Famous Say Crazy Things About Obama #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Retirement is for Socialists #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
F*cking Magnets, How Do They Work? Is the Science Settled? #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How to Read a Teleprompter Joke Off a Teleprompter #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
They Have Cell Phones! And Other Reasons Poor People Don’t Need Health Care #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How to Pronounce Koch and Boehner #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How to Support Israel (So The World Can End and We Can Go to Heaven. Merica.) #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
How to Find Your Alan Colmes #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Bigger Hoax: Climate Change or the Female Orgasm? #CPACPanels
— LOLGOP (@LOLGOP) March 6, 2014
Photo: jbouie via Flickr
