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Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

Stephen Colbert gave a very special welcome to presidential historian Doris Kearns Goodwin: having her carried in on a bed by a team of sexy Abraham Lincolns! On a more serious note, they also discussed Donald Trump, and the danger to the republic of a political demagogue whom the party establishment is currently unable to stop.

Larry Wilmore and Holly Walker took a horrifying look at the rise of Ted Cruz. Playing the role of a spirit medium, Holly explained why Ted Cruz is so scary. “Cruz seems so creepy because the GOP — is haunted,” she explained. “The GOP has spent so many years of Reagan and trying to summon up his spirit — that they accidentally opened up an evil portal to Hell.”

Trevor Noah examined Cruz’s dishonest manipulation of data, to claim that there hasn’t been any global warming in 18 years. (The reason for this is that 1998 was an unnaturally hot year, an extra outlier on top of the overall warming trend.) “But we don’t usually measure in time periods of 18 years — unless you’re calculating child support.”

And here’s a Trump joke from Conan O’Brien: “Donald Trump’s doctor wrote a letter saying that if elected Mr. Trump will be, quote, ‘the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.’ Then when asked about Trump’s mental health — the doctor got very quiet.”

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Black Lives Matter protest outside the White House

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