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Monday, December 09, 2019 {{ new Date().getDay() }}

Tag: jimmy kimmel live

#EndorseThis: Kimmel Delivers A Sick Burn On Trump Photo Op

Like every other sane American, Jimmy Kimmel feels outraged by what we've witnessed this past week, beginning with the police murder of George Floyd. No matter how much trouble we encounter as a nation, however, Trump will find a way to make matters worse – as he did on June 1 when he used military force to clear peaceful protesters for a photo op in front of St. John's Church.

Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde, who oversees that historic church, delivered what Kimmel terms a "sick burn" on the president after the photo op. But Kimmel himself delivers his own sick burn -- in what he describes as a White House "highlight reel" of that incident. In the 30-second video Trump strides across the street with his posse, brandishes the Bible (upside down), and then…well, let's just call it divine intervention.

It's too, too funny. You'll watch it over and over again. And if you can't wait, that "highlight reel" starts around 5:30.

Click and laugh at that scary clown.

#EndorseThis: Kimmel Wonders Why Anyone Would Listen To Chris Christie

Jimmy Kimmel and his sidekick Guillermo celebrated Cinco de Mayo yesterday. Guillermo sensibly marked the Mexican holiday with a bottle of Don Julio tequila and a plate of tacos -- while Kimmel tortured himself by recalling the idiotic "Trump Tower taco bowl" tweet that his nemesis posted on May 5, 2016. That was just before, as Jimmy says, our country "began cincoing into the abyss."

So appalled is he that Kimmel even rewrites a stupid Trump tweet into one that expresses appropriate emotion. Fat chance.

Kimmel also followed Trump on his visit to a face-mask manufacturing floor, where the president went mask-less himself as the public address system blared Live and Let Die. It was a macabre moment that perfectly captured the meaning of Trump's regime.

Nor is Kimmel charmed by Chris Christie, the former New Jersey governor and Trump sycophant who has declared that since people are going to die anyway, we must get back to business immediately. Taking health policy advice from "Big Boy" – who "eats his pizza without slicing it, in the round" – may not be the best policy.

Click and cackle.

#EndorseThis: Why Those UFOs Worry Jimmy Kimmel

The Air Force's release of video showing unidentified flying objects, or UFOs, is worrying Jimmy Kimmel in lockdown. It's not just the pandemic, it's the president. "Has there ever been a worse time for an alien to say 'Take me to your leader'? I think I'd just lead them to, like, Morgan Freeman's house or something."

But with Trump urging us all to chug Clorox, the UFOs aren't even the biggest news of the week. What about Kim Jong Un, the North Korean dictator and Trump pal who is missing and rumored dead? Trump hints that he knows what's going on with his thuggish pal -- which Jimmy says must mean he knows nothing.

We also learned this week that US intelligence officials warned Trump a dozen times about the looming pandemic last January and February, trying to get his attention while he was mostly playing golf. Their fatal mistake, notes Kimmel, was putting that crucial information in a briefing book. They should have warned him with a dancing cheeseburger on Twitter.

Click and chortle amid the chaos.

#EndorseThis: Jimmy Kimmel Offers His Top Tips For The Apocalypse

“Since I have nothing to do — and the fact you’re watching thismakes me assume you have nothing to do — I’m going to shoot a mini-monologueevery day until we get back from my house, where I’m currently incarcerated. Imean camping out.”

Thus did Jimmy Kimmel commence his new post-apocalypse programming with a remote #minilogue.

Stuck in the house, Kimmel says he’s learning a lot about himself. For instance, he discovered that he has two young children (from whom he’s currently hiding in his office).

“Thank God for television. Right now my blood type is Disney-positive, Disney Plus, whatever they call it. We’ve watched Frozen 2 more times than the animators who made it have watched Frozen 2.”

He has plenty of ideas for those of us sheltering in place, which means almost everybody. “Did you know that you can make coffee at home, for yourself?” Plus hot tips for St. Patrick’s Day without bars or parades.

Click and laugh against the darkness.

#EndorseThis: Mayor Pete Subs For Kimmel — And The Joke’s On Him

Perhaps Pete Buttigieg — who used to be mayor of SouthBend, Indiana and more recently ran for the Democratic presidential nomination –is looking for a new job. He took over Jimmy Kimmel Live as guest host onThursday night in the strangest possible circumstances – a theater with nostudio audience due to coronavirus restrictions. Instead, they faked a greenscreencrowd, “just like Trump’s inauguration,” he quipped.

Buttigieg quickly pivoted to ask that viewers contactCongress to demand support for the House Democratic legislative package,projecting the Capitol phone number onscreen (202-224-3121).

The poised former mayor smoothly handled the scripted jokes –aimed mostly at him – as well as his political message. And even if you’ve seenit already, you don’t want to miss his clip of Sarah Palin making a fool ofherself on The Masked Singer.

“That’s going to be me in three months, isn’t it?” he mused.

Click and chortle.

#EndorseThis: Sardonic Schiff Scorches Barr, Nunes, And Trump

Aside from his keen investigative sense and patriotic passion, Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) evidently possesses a decent sense of humor.

On Jimmy Kimmel Live, the House Intelligence Committee chairman spoke of spending “half my day inside Trump’s head” — and how scary it is in there. He burned Attorney General Barr as the president’s “hand-picked hack,” and dismissed the new acting director of national intelligence, Ric Grenell, as “a lackey of the president.”

Schiff has a few choice words for Rep. Devin Nunes (R-CA), his Intelligence Committee colleague, too – whom Schiff describes poignantly as someone who used to be normal and went nuts by flying too close to Trump.

Calm but cutting, Schiff knows why this president is so dangerous, and he wants every American to get it.

Kimmel deserves credit for hosting him. Just click.

#EndorseThis: Kimmel Puts Trump On ‘It’s A Disgrace’ Loop

“Declaring a front-runner at this point is like picking aplastic surgeon based on two Yelp reviews,” says Jimmy Kimmel, who also notesthat Andrew Yang, Deval Patrick, and Michael Bennet have all dropped out of theDemocratic presidential primaries. Even with Bernie Sanders and Pete Buttigiegvying for the lead and Amy Klobuchar close behind, however, Trump remains focusedon high-rolling former New York Mike Bloomberg.

What really preoccupies the president at the moment isrevenge – on prosecutors who convicted his friend Roger Stone (who might have squealedabout him), and on the National Security Council aide who testified in Congress.Having fired Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman (and his brother), Trump went on tosuggest that the military should prosecute the decorated war veteran for…something.Since impeachment his abuses of power have not abated, as Republican Senators saidthey hoped, but intensified.

“Why do I get the feeling we’re going to have to impeachthis guy at least two more times before the election?” muses Kimmel. “He’sgoing for a three-peach! It has never been done.” As Trump would say – and hassaid over and over and over and over again – it’s a disgrace.

Click and chortle.

#EndorseThis: Kimmel Hosts Franken For Tandem Roasting Of Trump

Have you missed Al Franken as much as we have? He’s back! And Jimmy Kimmel got him for a fascinating and funny interview.

Not surprisingly, the former Minnesota Senator has a lot to say about the botched Iowa caucuses, Trump’s weird State of the Union address, Trump’s lies about health care, the overall weirdness of life under Trump, and much more.

Franken talks about his advice to old Senate colleagues during the impeachment trial – including the sharp question he posed to the president’s legal team via text. And he recalls a very strange, very funny New York encounter with Trump himself.

(Oh, and Al mentions his fantastic new podcast, too.)

Click and enjoy.